Monthly Archives: February 2010

And I Resolved it.


Daddy…I just want to tell you something…You are always right…

Right about Physics. Right about Life. And certainly yeah…right about Me…!

While in 11th you taught me a lot of little somethings in Physics… now they are no more little somethings. They have proven their veracity….in very many ways… and you will be utterly surprised to know how and when…just as I was…. J

It starts up fine…just a little bit of extra energy might be spent in getting it to do what we want… that may be overcoming the friction and then you get to see the results….the heat energy and the potential energy of your body gets converted into kinetic energy…

Hmm…. just as in your relations… your warm enthusiasm and earnest effort kindles it…. And then the potential of your heart and mind decides the radius of curvature of the smile you can wear while sacrificing yourself to sustain it….

You then see the potential energy spent …getting converted into the kinetic energy…things get moving pretty swiftly….kinetic energy we call it !!!…..

But Alas! Daddy has taught me, no system is a perpetual system…perhaps this one too…

Now…don’t ask me who decides the co-efficient of friction…the road ?? or the traveler..??

It just happens…and with it so many other things too…

There’s an inertia …an Inertia of motion that doesn’t allow you to stop…even though you pretty well know that ….if you keep moving on and on now…you will be worn out, consumed to the last drop of sweat…but then you move on…

You have seen it before…right before you wanted to start…Inertia of rest…inertia again…it just won’t allow you to make the move in the first place….yet you find…you moved on…

And on and on you moved…

But then, suddenly….you turn back and realize….is this the path you wanted to take in the first place???!!

Overcoming all the inertia and all the friction has got you so far…!!!…and How far indeed!! …FAR…far away from your own self…. so that when you want… and want it desperately enough….heart in heart you know…there’s no going back….Never ever…

…. I’m no fool now to say….things last forever….

Things have their life-cycle just as I do… They open their eyes to a new world…grow and nurture the wonders of the world into themselves…wear out….and yet stick to the battle .…lose and win…win and lose…and ultimately…fade away…into oblivion…sometimes to come back and sometimes never…

And I thought…It wouldn’t work out…that I lost this fair chance…?!!?!

Nopes!! ….Diffraction is what is most needed….I will bow down a bit before life but I won’t allow it to take over…The ray of hope in my heart…would just bend by a flimsy angle…and then Goodness Gracious…I see it piercing through Life ….coming out victorious!!….just like the phenomena of diffraction…this is phenomenal…!!!

What did I do…that made things work out sooo well…any magic wand??…Ummmm..

Perhaps …I stopped trying…I backed out…

Just when I thought…I had lost you forever…I backed out…I renounced all my rights on you….you are as free as I am…

All the while I was sitting on you…and felt depressed day by day… when you didn’t make the move….How could you with all those shackles??….

I now understand…it was suffocating for you to feel my breath burning on your face….

Today…i..I…. made the move…as you could not…but I moved away….

People may say we are miles apart….but I see this distance as the ROAD…that you would take one day…to come to me….

Yeah too far it may seem…but I think ….the fragrance of my breath must be drifting across this road…. searching for you…perhaps you long for it now…and someday…you might have it as well….

Had Daddy been here, he would have called it Resolution….It says…We can see things clearly ….Only when we are a certain distance apart from them….and not when we dig our vision into them….strange..but true….

I resolved the image of my relation….I have moved apart…I can now see each pixel vividly…What if I cannot touch it with my eye-lashes…at least I can feel it with my eyes… Resolved then …perhaps yes…

Daddy…Thanks!! your physics does work for my life….

But let me tell you…its no cake walk….Resolution hurts…..a lot infact….

Now…I want to forget how much it hurts… the searing pain in my heart….makes me weep tears of blood…I want to unbolt every door and walk away…and keep walking as if it never happened…

All of a sudden…I start pondering over the keys in my hand…WOW!!…I have got them…but where’s the lock?? What am I to open??…frustration shatters my heart… and I say…”All this effort…all this energy…in vain???!!”

But then I come to see… there never was a lock in the first place…and I being a dumb idiot set out looking for the key !!…Hmmm…it’s not that bad..if you think hard…I needed the key to open the lock and rush trough that mesmerizing door… and here I am standing in front of that very door…that I can walk through with bliss…So I got what I wanted!!

But you know what?? You are missing the point again…See… the Search for the key is the real key actually…Had I not set out to find the key and open the lock…I would never have discovered the open door…. That’s life…

Yes, I remember daddy saying,” Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; It can only be transformed from one form to another”…if this is Physics and so be it..

It just gives me peace to think…I have nothing to lose…whatever I had or whatever I possess…it was never mine….it was always HIS.. I had just borrowed…and by the rule of the thumb…I’m returning it Back…. So what!! ?? How many lucky people get the opportunity of juggling with something precious …that’s not even their own… Well.. I got it…and I can say …I’m happy…I’m lucky…

Yes, Daddy… the 88% that I secured for physics in the Boards…..Just forget it!!

I tell you….all this while I had been hoodwinking…

Feel proud Daddy…..coz…TODAY I HAVE REALLY LEARNT IT….!!

HURRAY!!!!

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Maa


maaOh!! how dfficult it is to
describe a person called MAA…

Where to start from and where to stop .
Which words to choose and which to drop.

An epitome of selflessness,
An idol of unconditional love.
cuddly as a teddy bear
or peaceful as a dove.

Her bewitching beauty drives you crazy,
pristine,serene,unforeseen,
her voice makes you hazy.

Dew drop lips making you clean bowled..
Pitch dark eyes..speaking volumes untold.
YES….
You have got no option but behold.

Eternal fairness never to disappear.
so is she everyone’s dear.

HEY!!!! think not this is a camouflage…
Its neither deception nor mirage.
Her heart just confirms what’s on her face,
True altruism has always been her grace.

She’s not a hand to wipe your tears ..
but an eye to cry with you…
She’s not a shield to envelope your fears
but the strength to face them with courage,renewed.

She’s the only SOLUTION to all your problems.
but MIND IT!!
She’s the only PROBLEM when you are upto some mayhem!!

From baking our bread to making our bed.
Round the clock she’s everyone’s need.

Switching roles from CORPORATE to COOKING MAID.
TO PUT IT STRAIGHT,
she’s GOD-SENT, GOD-MADE.

The sun she is ,the moon we are,
reflecting her warmth and glory.
which is never to mar…

The light she is,the prism we are.
Diffracting her spectrum near and far.

So people, when you praise
the prism .. and the moonlight.
Don’t forget the HUMBLE ONE
who has created these with all her might.

If i go on describing her virtues.
seemingly endless the list is,
gulping down entire vocabulary.
yet never to cease….

SO what more can I say…
but that “I CAN NEVER GET A MOM LIKE YOU,
WHATEVER PRICE I MAY PAY…”

I feel,GOD cannot be everywhere ,
So he created MOTHER.
and let me tell you MAA,
LIKE YOU MAA THERE’S NO OTHER!!!!!”

Wasn’t I the “SOMEBODY” this time?


Somebody..just another person from somebody’s family…n that somebody already a long distance relation….UFFF!!..I wish Mommy would stop acting like my Public Relations Officer…
My Mum’s brother’s wife…..Wel I love her ..she’s my ‘Mami‘..Okk
Then comes her sister…Hmmm… I have been friends with her since school.. but I just call Her ‘Masi’…

But then..come her In-Laws into the scenario….OOOOO my God..how do I ever know why I am to be extra nice to them… ????!!

But then who is my PRO??..my MUM..and there’s no ‘NO’ that she would listen…

 So here’s the story finally….

One fine evening I set out in the Metros from Central Secretariat to Rajiv Chowk and then from Rajiv Chowk to Dwarka Sector-9….I was to meet my sister Golu and Mami who had come to visit me in Dilli…I being a ‘busy’ person never could give them time..Office was all I saw every day from 9 to 9 and the four walls of my flat was what they saw every day from dawn to dusk…

Frustration drove them away from my place to my Mami’s sister’s place…

Time had already come..and they were supposed to be leaving the coming Saturday..I really had no option but to go there and bring them back home…

 So I set out….

For me crossing the road had always aroused something  called “crossophobia”….But then fighting off the traffic and getting to the Metro Station I managed to get a ticket to Dwarka…

My colleagues Shilpa and Chhavi were with me..but I never stopped panicking…A small town girl ….with a small chicken heart!!

My Mami’s Brother-in-Law had come to pick me up. I reached home, freshened up….I was soooo happy to see my sister…again..

Engrossed in each other…we enjoyed a lot…Well…she was my GOLU after all !!!

Calls from office kept on blasting my head off…But then I was audacious enough to switch off my cell phone and take 2 days leave…

A day we spent at their place hardly doing anything and…just punching each other as soft-toys….rolling on with laughter and basking in the warmth that childhood sometimes offers  J

…Seemed as if this Happiness would just never end…. J

But then..moments tick away….and they do that really fast ..

We had to spend the second day of my leave at my place …and they were to leave the very next day… L

 Early in the morning at 5:30 again “somebody” ….woke us up…Golu and I were cuddling together in a velvet blanket and the very idea of having to leave behind this bliss was terrorizing…

What on earth makes those ”somebodys” awaken us at this weird hour when we are not supposed to be leaving the place before 9….??!!??

OOOO my god!!! Yet another Long Chain of emotions…for a long chain of SOMEBODYs…

MY MOTHER’S…BROTHER’S…WIFE’S….SISTER’S….FATHER-IN-LAW..was returning back to Orissa and we were supposed to wake up and say him a ‘sweet’ good bye…!!!

I could not express my discontent at being commanded to leave the bed..because I had always pretended to be ‘The Nice Girl’…but somehow irritation was simmering within ..as I sat there completely..glum…

 Everybody was happily chatting with him…but suddenly the old man realized that he could not trace me…. I was too silent to be myself J… and so he asked “Where’s Raina??”…

I don’t know….but I must admit..”THAT SOMEBODY”…had just spoken SOMETHING that stirred me from within…

….Two days had passed pretty swiftly….

He chose to be a silent old man and I chose to be the bubbly brat..!..

… I hadn’t bothered to speak a kind word to him  since the day I had come and touched his feet…as a mark of greeting…

Yes .. I must admit my Mum could inculcate the culture…but I guess…I could not assimilate it well….

Immediately after that, we defined our boundaries..He took the Common Sitting room and we confined ourselves to the bedroom…..We never spoke…

 ..And all of a sudden he called out my name..utterly strange..for an Old man of 70 to remember it…. and even stranger to acknowledge the my presence..at such a moment…

A quick question sprang up in my Conscience…

Wasn’t I the “SOMEBODY”…this time..??

…even before dawn had set in, I had seen him tip-toe through the balcony door..careful enough not to wake us up…straight … to the Tulsi plant..in a wet dhoti to offer his prayers….

my eyes were half closed then..or Perhaps..was I completely blind..??

 A tinge of respect for this old man…seeped into me….as I spoke to myself…I would no longer term him “SOMEBODY”…

 ….Now back from the self talk world..

I presumed my sweet self….and said that…”Aja were you looking for me?”

He then walked towards me and my sister and handed us each a crumpled 100 rupee note….

Speechless as I was …I noticed Payal holding a similar note…She was his own grand-daughter…

 I felt as if… I would choke … guilt piercing me from within….I tried dusting it off my body…but stubborn as it was….it stayed on…

  …Perhaps they realize the essence of life…

 Perhaps they know…Life is not just a Rat race to be won…there’s more to it…

And even if it’s one….then it’s okay to halt down….take time to gobble down the bait…… be caught in the mouse-trap….sometimes…

Because who knows!!?? ..how real is the bait and how mythical is the “real cheese”???!!!

 Anyways…

Today when I manage to earn a fair salary….the hundred rupee note should have felt humble on my palms….but then…”SOMEBODY…”..SOMEBODY special….has humbled my heart instead…. taught me the value of regard and appreciation towards life…the joy of sharing my life with millions of SOMEBODYs around me….the delight on touching their lives in a million miniscule ways…as they  have touched mine…

So..then when I would look down from heaven..I can give my best grin and say..”Look !!….people down there still say….there was SOMEBODY…who never forgot to smile…and… she was SOMEBODY …somebody really special….”