Nights of nothingness…


I cannot hear.
There are tears.
On the pillow.
Inside my ear-phones.

The same songs play again and again.
They are Korean and I don’t understand them.
So I choose to hear them now.

Inside my head like a typhoon, Thoughts rush.
Fears grip me, tears gush.

I thought I was Hollow. Empty.
But the tears had filled me all this while.

I stuff my pillow into my mouth and Scream.
My body aches.
The soul weeps.

tears_on_my_pillow

The ceiling fan goes on.
And I stop.

I wish I hadn’t spoken up all that I said.
You thought I talk too much.
I wish I had spoken up just once for myself and told you how it hurts.
You thought I was being cruelly silent.

Today,
I want to sleep.
Tomorrow,
I want to wake up from a sleep.

I want to sweat my eye brows.
I don’t want to wet my eyes.

I want to work hard like a maniac.
I want to pray on bended knees.
I want to possess peace.
I want to smile on the way.
I want to cry on the victory stump.
I want to Believe.

But when faith shatters.
It hurts. It pains.
Everything real seems sinfully surreal.

I want to be different from who I have been.
I want to be indifferent to all that I have known-
Past, People, Pain.

I jump from the feigned sleep.
Tears on my pillow, in my hair,
in my ears, in my fears.
In my throat,
I choke.

I switch on the lights.
I gaze at the mirror.

Black rings encircling my eyes.
Somber, Silent , Scared eyes.

I shoo away my ghost,
I row my hair slowly like a river.
The waves seem soft.
while the world has hardened.

I put on the glasses over the tears.
but they haven’t helped me see through truth.

Forgive! My heart says!
Forgive yourself. Forgive them.

I grab the Lord’s picture on my table.
I cry.
I pray.
I bathe him with my tears.

I pick up my pen,
The words don’t flow.
There is silence in the ink

I write-
One more day of doing nothing.
One more day of being nothing.”

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20 responses to “Nights of nothingness…

  1. Pingback: My first Letter – Inguz

  2. Hallo. …the reassoner. ….. blown away by your swift and touchy thought…. how relentlessly u r expressing…. u r such a wonderful gift of nature… god bless😇

  3. This is exactly what I feel…In almost every night and in every alone time….Line by line…Exact description of my feelings….. Painful but so wonderfully penned down… You are such an artistic poet 🙂

  4. This.is.amazing.
    I have no words (yet again) to tell you how wonderful and powerful each word is, and how resonating.

  5. Pingback: Reader Appreciation Award. Finally the First Award Arrives! Thank You Dear Kitty!! | Resonner's Blog

  6. Bright light after every night .
    This is the law of nature…..Nights can be big ,nights are small.You will see day light after all.

  7. Wow Lines ..
    “I wish I had spoken up just once for myself and told you how it hurts.
    ‘You’ thought I was being cruelly silent.”
    Damn him the ‘Mr. You’ there …

    • Its a male chauvinist world I see.. 😛
      its no “Mr YOU ” here.
      it could be a Miss too. 🙂
      Well, to be honest, it is No Miss/ Mr in particular.
      Anyways Thanx fr d ‘Wow’

  8. aww…..how sad….. 😦
    i guess every body faces such situation no matter what!!!
    i guess….being alone…..weeping alone…….helps a lot in such moments!!!!!
    i had experienced!!!! 😦
    pam….u really bring out true feelings of the heart!!!! but nice lines i must say 🙂

  9. Why are you so sad nani? What has happened?

  10. Can almost ‘see’ the pain behind the words…
    expressed so effortlessly and beautifully…

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