To The God Anonymous


There are millions of moments in  life when you are forced to look back, instead of looking forward with a vision. And those are the times when you are made to look beyond — beyond yourself, beyond how the world sees you, beyond success, beyond failures.
Those are the times when your faith is put to test.

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It is the test of your God and not your own.

In your heart beats you are very much aware that you have asked for the comfort of palaces to a God who chose vanavaasa himself, lost kingdoms, lost his wife, sacrificed his children, wealth and well-being.
You pray for the fragrance of the roses to a Lord who was made to die on a bed of thorns by the very people whom He loved.
You ask for victory,ecstasy, and gifts to a Lord, who chose for himself thorns,sorrows and grief.

Yet you pray. Yet you put your God to test- time and again.

Being God, he has the liberty to act being deaf, the power to deny. But he doesn’t. He complies.

*            *           *          *            *

Having lost the most precious dream I ever dreamt, no doubt I am notably shaken, but not beyond repair though.

Today, I am asked for something which I donot possess myself.
I am begged for something which I am robbed of right now.
I am forced to lend something which I have borrowed from the world myself- Courage, Hope, Smile.

But Just like the Lord I pray- I shall comply.

I am happy that years of prayers have taught me- “Wealth and Well-being are ephemeral.Wisdom is eternal.”
In the quest for wisdom you would be forced to part ways with wealth and well-being, with excruciating pain.
And ironically when you need them no more, when you have mastered the art of living with wisdom and wisdom alone, when you have excelled the trick of sleeping on a bed of thorns…you would be offered with infinite wealth, infinite well-being.

But this wisdom eludes me more often that not. I am sad to choose between the three. I am tempted to have them all

I have failed miserably today, not because I have failed. But because, I have failed to stand up again and try.

I have heard people say, ” A real winner is one who is moved by victory with humility but unmoved by downfall in striking back again.

It would be a crime to deny that I was unmoved by a hopeful triumph then and this dreadful defeat now.
I am moved- to question my prayers, to bully my faith.

I ask my God. I ask myself. “why do I pray?”
The God doesn’t answer my question. Prayers do.

You pray not because you need something from the Almighty. And you turn your back not because you were made to return empty-handed.
You pray because, You want to pray.
That is the only choice you ever have.

If not, then it is like complimenting somebody for their good looks just because you want them to say, you look amazing too.

So You Pray because you want to heal yourself.

24

*       *        *      *        *

Even when heaven falls apart some truths hold to be true.
Your parents can sacrifice anything for you.
Your grandparents would never say, but your sorrow shatters them more than it shatters you.
Your Teacher will consider himself victorious, if you outrun him in the race of life.
And you will be your worst enemy and your best friend for all life through.

But each one of them, you fully acknowledge, with all their strengths and shortcomings.

If I am hungry for a hug, I shall go to Mummy.
If I donot recall a physics formula, I will run to Daddy.
If I am in dire need of a piece of hope, I will ransack my own brave heart.

But then there are so many things in life which I need and nobody else I know in this world can give me…
And funnily enough there are so many moments in life, when I don’t know what I actually need.

In the quagmire of what I need?whom to ask for?where to look for?… I think of Him.
The one person who doesnot have a face; who doesnot have a resume of role-profiles, capabilities and shortcomings; who doesn’t have an address where I can appeal.

And so it is the easiest to assume– He is in every face. He is capable of doing everything. He exists everywhere.

I cannot afford to be hopeless today. I cannot afford to be a cynic tomorrow.
There is always a specific somebody for every specific desire. All I need to do is seek. Find.
And there are so many wishes, wills and whims in my heart today, that need to be fulfilled. People suffice for most, He for the rest.

Can I ever be an atheist then?
The Love for myself makes me believe in Loving Him.
And I pray.

ANGEL

*       *        *      *        *

You are scared- of Darkness and of Light.
You are scared of the Darkness because you do not know what it holds.
You are scared of the Light too. Because you know, it doesn’t hold what you need.

In the dark whether you open or close your eyes- it hardly matters. It is Dark. You are blind.
But you want to open your eyes anyhow, step out of the Dark, and turn on the lights.
But the brilliance of the rays splinter and hurt your sight. And you close your eyes again…

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So did you wish to open or close your eyes?
In life, it hardly matters what you wished.

It is then that you realize,how darkness can brighten into light and Light blind you into darkness…
How it actually doesn’t matter whether you open or close your eyes- because you always see what you want to see. And you can always see what you want to see.

You can see Faith. You can see Hope. You can see your prayers reaching Him.

*       *        *      *        *

TO THE GOD ANONYMOUS!

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I would like to convey a few things.

You have returned me empty handed. But you returned me with a filled heart.
You have shown me how my hands would be filled with your gifts someday, but my heart would never be. Silly thing! It always longs for more.
But then I like it to be that way! I shall compensate my greed with my faith on you.

And yes! Is there such a dear victory that cannot move a man in delight and is there such a disastrous defeat which cannot move a man in plight?
Is there any such thing as ‘unmoved‘ at all?
And is there anyone other than you who remains unmoved?? Despite a million prayers. Despite a trillion tears.

I guess not.

I cannot promise to remain unmoved ever.
You move me with ecstasy with the magics you show.
You move me with pain with the tricks you play.
I am very much moved by you.

And I guess it is better not trying to swap roles with you.
You play God and I shall play myself.

Sometimes I feel pity on you. How more often, you are scoffed at than being thanked!
But It was you who chose to play God and not me.

Please do not forget– You may love to sleep on the thorns, but I prefer the roses.

Thank you God- for all that you have given.
But of course you would never be forgiven for what you haven’t given.

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53 responses to “To The God Anonymous

  1. Very very nicely written. First time on your blog and loved this post. It is so easy for us to blame things on god when they ‘apparently’ don’t go our way. We fail to see the bigger plan and something better that is planned for us.

    I also came across a similar realization sometime back and wrote this http://justthinkingloud.wordpress.com/2010/03/21/an-apology/

    • Hey! Thank you for taking time to drop by.
      and thanks a ton for this wonderful compliment.
      I read your poetry just now.
      the Feelings are so very same, just that the words take a different form with different people.
      Thanks again 🙂

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  4. Hi Pamela,

    This is a powerful post. What resonated with me are these lines.

    “You are scared- of Darkness and of Light.
    You are scared of the Darkness because you do not know what it holds.
    You are scared of the Light too. Because you know, it doesn’t hold what you need.”

    What is it really that makes us scared thus? Could it be a lack of self belief? A lack which prevents us from aligning with our core values? Allow these values to expand and shine through?

    Shakti

  5. ” I am begged for something which I am robbed of right now.
    I am forced to lend something which I have borrowed from the world myself- Courage, Hope, Smile.” – Pamela, these lines alone are sufficient to describe the beauty of this post! I must say, there is a serenity in this post that would glue the reader to his chair!!

    • Susmy! Thank you again for such a generous gift- your compliments.
      This shows you had the patience to sit through this 1250 word post. What more can I expect!
      🙂

  6. Love the way you write!

    ‘If I am in dire need of a piece of hope, I will ransack my own brave heart.’

  7. Lovely Piece of writing…I never forget to remember him in time of Happiness and even in times of distress…For I know What I am today is all because of Him.. 😀

  8. Excellent piece of writing. Proud of you dear. All highlighted lines are so true and touchy, especially light-dark part. Always pray/follow/think of one god who is resides in you, definitely you will fulfill all your dreams.

    • Thank you Bhai. I am proud of myself too that I have a brother like you.
      The light-dark part is my favourite too 🙂
      You pray for me and i certainly will accomplish my dreams.

  9. As usual..excellent writing…simple in words and great in thoughts….
    and yes..nice line..above ur comment box 😉

    • Thank God! Atleast somebody noticed the Vote appeal thing above my comment box! 😉
      Simple in words , great in thoughts- seems Gandhian not Gollu-hatian 😛

  10. READ….
    Is there any way to give rating 5.1 out of 5

  11. Superb!! excellent and moved.. you expressed your mind so beautifully!! feeling happy that i know you. All the best. i will be waiting for your next magic with words and feelings.

    • Chandan I can’t say how touched I was on finding your comment on this blog. This shows how almighty can be most generous when you are least expecting for his gifts!
      ‘Magic with words’ happen when we have support from superb people like you who can soar our spirits high. 🙂
      I am blessed to know you too.
      Thank You!

  12. i’m sure even god wouldn’t have thought of so many perspectives and angles attached to him/her. very few can express their emotions and desires in such an articulate manner.there r so many people standing in the cue with their wishes,but this write up is so lucid and so appreciative of god and his constraints and his creations that he/she might help u bypass the cue.

    • Hey thank you! I really wish to bypass the queue.. but diligent and deserving people like you make the task all the more uphill. 🙂
      I see that pestering people to visit my blog really helps increase the traffic! 😉
      Thank you Atheist!

  13. Touchy Dearie! I just wish you get whatever you prayed for! God would even be moved by this piece.. Loved it thoroughly!

    • Ohh Nani! your wishes really worked for me last time before the interview.
      during the interview u were busy preparing for your shaadi and loving jiju and so u forgot to pray abt me perhaps. 😉
      and see what happened!
      So two tasks fr u from now on!
      1. Pray for me.
      2. Always pamper my blog with your lovely comments 😛
      love you too!

      • never missed praying for you though but probably missed something somewhere in the prayers! This time I shall never let it go! Keep your spirits high.. This time HE cant dare to let you down 🙂 Will call u sometime soon.

  14. I am speechless! moved, touched and overwhelmed…

    • Finally I got your comment on this piece!
      Ahaa Ritz! Tujhe Thank you bolna mujhe bahut formal lagta hai 🙂
      I feel really glad that you despite being so busy, never miss out to read and acknowledge my blog.
      Just love you for that.
      Im sorry that my blog ate up your previous comments. But each time when that happens and u drop in a mail to me, I get to see- how much u value me. 🙂

  15. With no hope of heaven
    And no fear of hell
    Darkness or Light hardly matters
    your perception is what that shall prevail

    Dear Author , I’m touched by your light-darkness theory . Good Work 4.7/5

    • The light-darkness theory is my favourite part too in the entire 1200 word thing. How did you know??
      And your summary of the essence of it in such beautiful lines above…is just divine.
      but you think you are being a bit parsimonious in giving a 4.7? 😛
      I shall try stealing a 4.9 next time! 😉

  16. Whatever may be the subject, you do perfect justice with it…Keep it up…:)

    • Rahuliii! Tere comment ke binaa mera kya hota re.
      U r just such a sweety who reads my blog at 5 in the morning even at the day of the exams.
      Why doesn’t god manufacture more generous souls like you? 😉 😛

  17. these lines completely moved me dear…it made me think over and over again about all those things which were once merely a dream but now a reality…don’t know how my bestest dreams turn into a reality….but then i remember the almighty….His power….very true…He gives everything that we deserve but….. at the right time…..
    And yes…very true….He is being scoffed at than being thanked very often…..

    • O Padma! My Sweetest and most Loyal reader!
      I cant tell you how without your comment , my blog seems missing a meaning.
      I sometimes get so tempted to ask you to read all my old blog posts too and give me a word of support 😉
      You Just make my day!
      You perhaps didnt notice my previous blog entry and I was wondering whether I lost your support.
      I cant even express how it feels to find you go thru each of my writings so diligently.
      It seems like we are back in Class III again , sharing the same bench. and now the same thoughts.
      Love you so much darling!

      • love you too dear….yup going through last blog of urs i was a bit late…..but i promise i wont miss any of them…..actually ur posts inspire me a lot….and yes writings of someone whom i admire the most makes me move through all difficulties in life….. a bigggg Thankyou for that pam 🙂

  18. Gelhu Mama
    Prayer & Faith can move mountains.
    Excellent as usual.

  19. I never pray to God. I always write Him a letter and curse myself.
    Both you and me are in the same distress…
    Hey bhagwan! Bachale ya uthale! :p

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