Rizzy!


I realised that day I was no more a child. It was 5:30 in the morning. I turned off my alarm. It wasn’t needed anyway. I had stayed awake the whole night, sitting by her. I was no more a child, ‘coz I could care for a child too. Rizzy was born and I was so damn happy.

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Time flies fast while you decide whether to fly along or stay back watching its flight. I flew until my wings were wrapped in cobwebs of ‘circumstances’. I stayed back until I could break open times’s prison and fly free. All way long I had wished. I need a daughter-my alter ego, my mirror. She would think like I think, Speak like I speak. But she wouldn’t speak what I speak. Her words would be like whispers stolen from the storm, an oasis from the desert, a tear from the stubborn soul, a balm for the bleeding bruises, a smile from the weeping bride… Oh Rizzy!

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Rizzy grew up before I could realise. She was in School! An affable soul, she made friends soon. And like a protective mother, I would spend hours following her friends, stalking their daily routines, weeding out the bad from the good. After all a child is a reflection of the company she keeps. And then there would be endless comparisons of her performance, her popularity with her friends.
I would invest all my emotions, energy and efficiency on her. Sometimes, even getting berserk not being able to figure out why she lagged behind others, despite her potential. And at others, I would get overjoyed and mad with pride over her little accomplishments, over the compliments that people gave her. A self- congratulating mother!

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As Rizzy started being her Mom’s friend, she started being her confidante too. I would tell her all my secrets, until they were no more secrets- unlocking the huge chest of guilt locked up in my chest. I would share with her my life’s experiences. I would tell them in stories- sometimes true, sometimes made up.
She would be so curiously confused, constantly pestering me. “Tell me Maa! Is the girl you mentioned in the story, You? She so much resembles you!!” And I would smile and say,”you shall know, someday” 🙂 A part of me trying to believe myself, it was me. Another half thinking it couldn’t be.

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Despite all the experiences, stories and wisdom- Life teaches the teacher more than it can ever teach the student. I learn to accept that Rizzy is Rizzy. Rizzy isn’t me. I learn to unlearn my expectations.

Rizzy revolts. She is obsessed  with the glamour she sees in the world, running after fans and followers, popularity and pals. “Likes” and “Comments” have begun to shape her opinion about herself.  I had her promise me, to honour just one opinion in life- that of Conscience. But even conscience seems conditional these times!

I cannot stop her but I cannot surrender either. I sympathize and support but silently try pulling her out of the mirage of sociability…Rizzy scoffs at me for a while, lonely without the stamp and seal of world’s acceptance. But ultimately she seems to have discovered her Nirvana. She rejoices. I can sense sensibility and gratitude in her words… the whisper stolen from the storm, “Thanks Mom” 🙂

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And the day comes. Rizzy grows. Rizzy goes.
Rizzy grows. Rizzy outgrows me.

The world has changed and so has she.
My thoughts can no longer accommodate her ‘big ideas’.
Her large frames seem incomplete with my tiny paintings of her… Hence, I resist sharing my thoughts with her. I hide away my purple diary so that I donot disturb Rizzy with my superfluous advises, terrible thoughts… I no more pen down.
I refrain from giving her my paintings to frame them for me.
Rizzy goes, paints her own paintings.
This time, time flies while I stay back and watch its flight.

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I had held her hand, not letting her to walk on her own. I have to stop before I cripple her by choice, by obsession. I have to stop being a possessive, zealous and hyper mother.
But I know, I still have to love. I have to love my attachment and yet practice detachment. Someday daughters marry and go… a smile from the weeping bride..
I have to love. I have to let love stay at a distance.

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My Thoughts have departed. I wait to depart someday.
Rizzy shall stay back. She wouldn’t let me depart by parting ways with my thoughts. A part of my thoughts would always reflect in her mirror…an oasis from the desert.
~●I walk on the sand washed by the waves,guided by no footsteps. Whether I leave any footprints or not, I am content that, I had the courage to tread the path I set my heart on.●~

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May be Rizzy is my footprint. May be not.
May be Time is the wave that washes away my footprints. May be not.

Well, Rizzy! time may wash you away, but I would never.
Happy birthday dear Rizzy! you survived half a decade with this mad author, your Blog Mother!!

Is authoring a Blog any less than Mothering a child?! I shall not think so (for the moment atleast 😛 ) Like a Baby it hasn’t let me sleep through endless nights, that I spend on crafting and caressing her. I have waken up at intervals penning down my thoughts, as if waking up to change diapers! I have drifted through long afternoons, embellishing her with widgets, pictures, poems and awards…as if decorating my daughter! With people appreciating my Blog, my Baby- I have become overwhelmed, hyper ecstatic. With critics, I have turned tensed, as if my baby has flunked in her school! I have spent hours gaping at my blog with nostalgia.. As if looking at picture albums and scrapbooks of my child who has suddenly grown big today! 😛

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Well Rizzy!! What a journey, a metamorphosis!
How big have you grown girl! How well, how wise have you evolved!!
Here again, Happy birthday from the proud mother of the lovely Resonner
! Oh Rizzy!! 😀

5thbday

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49 responses to “Rizzy!

  1. paasing by every line,i was calculating for whom was it,,,,,and at the end….surprised…ur rizzy is amazing…keep writing pamy..

  2. Swagatika Dash

    ma’am, u r fabulous.
    I guess if I m nt wrong, u r The UPSC 51st rank.
    a big fan of urs.. Just watched ur interview in Special 26. And Google-ed down ur blog.
    Awaiting for ur response, u r awesome.

  3. Wonderful write-up. Twist at the end. Attachment with intangible things! You investment time, energy and emotion with this the same. Thus, the attachment.

  4. I think, its time for a new post.

  5. Happy birthday Rizzy!!! Well Pam…ur writings always carry emotions.
    This is the 2nd piece of your writing which actually made me too too emotional…

  6. How very beautiful and original. All the best. 🙂

  7. Dear Pamela,

    Many congratulations. Happy times with the baby.

    Rajasekhar

  8. its so very bebu
    there r layers within layers,deep and profound like an ocean where we don’t know what we don’t know.
    Its better than any suspense-mystery one can come across or the finest n complex jigsaw puzzle ever.
    Rizzy made me Dizzy,so had to read her again n again but every rendezvous was as much bebu n enlightening as the previous one.
    Magical craft of weaving

    • Kush! This was such a Bebu compliment 🙂 im beaming still. Its always such a moment of sheer joy to read from you.., you are one of the rare ones who read my blog n analyse n encourage me…without me having to force you read it 😛
      Thank you tons n gallons n millions 🙂

  9. Warning–I will keep it long. 🙂

    Heart-full of love, wishes and kisses to Rizzy. Pray she grows in life and in wisdom along with her lovely and kind mother. May you both be each others friend, companion and partners in life. It’s of immense pleasure and happiness see the mother-daughter duo.

    Firstly, I am hooked to those beautifully painted toes. There is something in that picture…I really am struggling to describe it…the closest I can find is…serenity, innocence, divine…still there is something more to it than the eyes can observe and the mind can capture. It’s hard for me because it reflects the most beautiful work of the Creator–the woman and her many forms, each a source of love, beauty, compassion and kindness. And I really have nothing to completely describe my feeling and my emotions.

    Honestly saying, It was a suspense thriller for me. I read the whole keeping in mind picture of Rizzy as a human child. Then, the writer and the mother turned out to be smart. On second thoughts, it is a beautifully crafted, created, nurtured and presented story.

    I must accept my deficiency here before moving to my speech. I am not a woman. So, probably I will never understand the Mother, the Daughter and their bond. At the most, I can only assume on the basis of my life’s experience and observation of parent-child relationship. But, I will try to be my best.

    When the best creation brings to this world another best creation, we can only try to comprehend the enormity and greatness of the occasion. For the mother, her daughter is her alter ego, her doll, her mirror. She pours her love, her days and nights and her life trying to build her life brick by brick, keeping in mind every detail.She becomes the master craftswoman who knows no matter how hard she works, she still has to work harder. Her daughter is her strength, her perseverance and her triumph. She takes pride in her creation. Her daughter represents all the things she is and she wishes to be. She struggles, she fights,she changes…all for her beautiful darling baby…I see my sister running after my niece since morning till night and the next day and the next. I always found it difficult to fully comprehend their life, their communication and their bond.
    Naturally, It will be hard for the Mother to let her Rizzy live her life on her own. I guess that is what makes the relationship so much intimate and personal. Yet, she must be Rizzy’s mother–every time and always. She knows it, but it is all right if she takes some time to accept this. She will soon become the mother she is supposed to be– forgiving, kind, compassionate, and ever ready to give her unconditional love, care and support and wisdom.

    And as of Rizzy, she will go and grow through life and she will know her creator and understand her and love her. She will, one day, be her mother’s alter ego. She will feel what her mother felt and for this she will always respect her mother and keep her close to her heart and soul. Her mother will again be her teacher, her guide , her philosopher as well as her companion and friend. No glamor, no fame, nothing can ever dent their bond. These worldly ephemeral things may win the battle, but the war..never ever. They simply don’t have that much strength and courage.

    Once again, my love, respect and well wishes to both of you. Hope to see you both grow with time. It will be a pleasant journey for me as well.

    • Warning- I will keep it short 🙂
      Because i do not want to take away attention from the endearing and lovely piece that you have shared on my blog. Really Suri, you take time off from your hectic schedule to read and encourage me…. I am just so humbled. And to tell you the truth, you are one of the special few people, for whose comment i wait after each piece. So glad, that you are my friend! Thanks a tonne Dear!

  10. Amazing idea, lovely post. Happy Bday to Rizzy and lovely momma. 🙂

  11. wow – I am deeply touched – this is absolutely a wonderful, elegant post…Passion and respect is a key – Bravo!!

  12. Absolutely delightful and heartfelt post .Best wishes.

  13. soul . to . earth

    Mom’s the word, eh? 😉 Ah, in that case::

    Suraj kab door gagan se, chanda kab door kiran se,
    Khushboo kab door pawan se, kab door bahaar chaman se,
    Yeh bandhan to pyaar ka bandhan hai, paanch salon ka sangam hai!

    A fitting ode from Rizzy, don’t you agree?! Since her blog Mom’s not as well-known to the world as her daughter is, she may as well sing::

    Ai maa teri surat se alag, teri blog ki surat kya hogi, kya hogi?
    Tujhko nahin dekha logo ne kabhi, par iski zarurat kya hogi? Ai maa…….

    Ha, ha! You inspire me to write rascally comments, Pamela. Given that mela is part of your name, hope life’s a fun fair in 2015, girl! 😀

    • Hahha.. Radhika.. I am so much in love with your “rascally” comments… straight from Bollywood rerouted through Canada 😉
      Mela ofcourse i am, just mela for parents and Jha-mela for in-laws 😦
      I see Rizzy is enjoying your comapny too 😀
      Thank you!!!
      how have you been? Happy New year dear! Love and hugs from me n Rizz!

      • Sometimes, being a jhamela in the face of a mela can bring real and lasting change. Conforming w/o questioning isn’t worth it. 🙂 From one jhamela to another, keep your chin and spirits up!
        All’s well here…..well, it’s winter, so, as well as minus temps. can allow us to be.

  14. Oh-My-God. Rizzy is your blog’s name? 😛 Why didn’t I ever know? 😛
    10/10, maam. 😀 This is one creative blog-versary post!!

    Love your lines. May it always grow and make *you* proud of it. 😉
    Also, this one reflects a daughter’s relations so well.

    • Maria… I just wanted to confuse all you guys 😉
      2 years into shaadi and one ‘outcome’ wouldn’t have seemed so impossible 😛 So I planned this dramatic Blog-versary thing.
      Thank you for always being here.. with me. Yes Rizzy from Resonner…

  15. and Happy Birthday Rizzy 🙂

  16. Happy birthday Rizzy!! 🙂 Rizzy is reflection of her Blog Mother, let her find the colors & brush to paint her ideas of life (y)

  17. Congratulations mommy :p when I started reading this article I was really confused…:p but before you could reveal the truth I figured it out!!!!
    P.S. hello rizzy i am your mausi and you know your cousin Nickie XD

  18. Oh my god….you have me in tears. I have 2 daughters and it was so touching, so very real. This is an amazing, a totally unique post. I will have to read it over many times to do justice to your thoughts.

    Happy Birthday Rizzy! 5 is a very important age young lady. Make your mama proud of you,

    • Hahaa. Thank you Sonya. Give my love to your darling daughters. Though im not a mother yet, but yes my blog Rizzy is dearer than a daughter to me 😛 love n hugs to you too on d new year!

  19. Again a touchy one 🙂
    Passion redefined, indeed..!

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