Meri Mussoorie!

I had a Dream.
A ‘little-Big’ dream
which I wondered, Why had I ever seen?!

The dream was distant,
almost impossible to achieve.
And that was why I wanted to own it,
surrender all I could ever give.

The jolly days of youth,
the warmth of family,
the companionship of friends,
the fashion, the fervour and the trends.

I would choose solitary confinement,
and sleep on a bed of books.
Pages and pages would fly in my dreams,
Dates, people, places- uttered in silent screams.

I would look into the mirror,
and graying eyes would stare.
few strands fall on the floor,
a bald patch without hair.

Mortal fear gripped me by.
My dream could be stolen,
if I didn’t hide it high.

I hid my dream under the clouds,
and hid the clouds in the sky,
then hid the sky above a Hill,
and to hide more had patience still.

So, I hid the Hills in the Mists of Mussoorie,
and hid Mussoorie in the safest of safes.


This safe was my soul,
to breach it, the world had to take me whole.
Dig my grave and bury me in,
But I would still have my Mussoorie within.

After failing to climb the Hill,
to see the sky and cuddle the clouds-
I had immense doubts,
on self, on Destiny, on God.

But My Dream was so endearing,
That I started again enduring-
Pain, soul shearing pain.

Outcast by the world,
mocked by friends…
If sorrows have beginnings,
they also must have ends.

They mock and they will mock.
But I must meanwhile unlock-
the courage to Dream again.

Thought then,
I have hid my dream
in the mists of Mussoorie.
Someday I would go there,
although tired, beaten and weary.

And today..
The clouds have conspired to bring me here.
I have met my dream,
A dream so dear.


PS: 4th July, 2015. I was born again.
12th June, 2014. I had died a million deaths in one go.I had lost the cutoff by a single mark. I couldn’t decide whether or not to cry. The fact that I was so close, yet so far away…
The inertia of my innocent tears… They flowed while I laughed hard. They stopped at the back of my eyes, while I cried, wailing like a child. Like me, they were unsure how to act upon God’s Design.

After the heart break, I had never imagined I could ever post this piece. I had written it in 2012 and waited each single day, to find a reason to post it… .

That day, in the middle of midnight I wrote “The Loser”...
” Who decides who is the loser?
Who decides whether there ever was anything to lose?
Yes the Loser, who will never lose again…”

Today,The Loser has totally Lost it!
The Loser has lost it all-
her anguish, her doubts, her self!!

Yes the Loser, who will never lose again- her Faith 🙂

63 responses to “Meri Mussoorie!

  1. Pingback: My first Letter – Inguz

  2. brilliantly expressed’! overwhelming ❤

  3. mam… this poem is inspirational piece for me….. its too good… it z like catalyst to me 🙂

  4. Your blog is just adorable! A confession – I am a stalker 😛

    A clarification – I am a girl .

    I dont intend to freak you out , but yes there is a lot that I draw in common with you .

    Similarity no 1 – Bhubaneswar .
    Similarity no 2- Deepankar (not your’s , mine 😛 )

    Similarity no 3 – UPSC (sigh!! Kab yoga ending similar )

    Similarity no 4- missing the cut off by 1 mark 😦

    Similarity no 5 – expensive salons and hair straightening 😛

    Whenever I get tired of the art & culture , the hindu , ARC report , big books with small fonts that scream as if other colours in the world don’t exist..I come back to your blog.

    Tada!!! Life saver you are!

    Please , please , please keep writing and motivating. 🙂 😉

  5. Very beautifully put di ! 🙂 All the very best for everything

  6. Dig my grave and bury me in,
    But I would still have my Mussoorie within.

    I could read these lines all day again and all over again anytime anywhere n anyplace.

    One word ‘wow’. I dream everyday of stepping the doorstep of Lbsnaa.

  7. Ha Ha what a love coincidence your “Meri Mussoorie” also happens to be Meri Mussoorie 🙂 Yes I too have fond and nostalgic memories of this quaint little hill station. Thank you Pamela 🙂

  8. I wish i could be as much stronger as u pamela 🙂
    Nevertheless….much much happy for u 🙂

  9. Madhusmita Dobai

    Great….really influenced by you. Salute

  10. I am late. Actually, I wanted to write a poem for you since I already have written an essay on this. However, my mortal mind cannot comprehend and organise its thoughts properly. Last many days, I have been thinking and thinking about what to write. But, alas! I am not able to process my thoughts coherently, Every Time, I found one stanza or next, I forgot what the previous and next stanza would be. For a person as good and as worthy of you, mediocrity would be befitting. Hence, I gave up my idea of a poem. But, I will come up with it sometimes later. For now, you have to endure this essay.

    For the first time, I am actually searching for words to write something that would do justice to you and your struggle, endurance, patience and pain. I can feel it, sense it, live it to some extent. But, I am not able to describe it. I can visualise you around your books at midnight when the world was sleeping and dreaming and you are trying to live your dream. I can feel like standing besides you and feel satisfied seeing you immersed in the pages. I want to ask you how you could have so much will, strength and stamina to push yourself beyond limits. But, my curiosity is overpowered by the sense of happiness that flows by just watching you study. I just want to observe you, deep in your thoughts and losing track of time. I can draw a picture of a you running around and taking your hope along with you. Sometimes, I feel to be near you when you had eyes full of tears and mind full of doubts and despair. I, somehow, paint myself into that picture, telling you,”Hey buddy, everything will be fine.You have given it all, you have tolerated all, you have absorbed the pain all. Yours will be a story I will be proud and joyous of telling to everyone.” On this occasion, I am blessed to be right on my faith, belief,hope and instinct.

    Mussoorie is not just a hill station for us where we could run away to from the chaos,noise of life. It is our gateway to redemption, reincarnation, rebirth. This is the place where our mind, spirit, body, dream, thoughts- all converged and concentrated into a single point. It is the place where we dreamt to rediscover us, to find and fulfil the purpose of our lives, to surrender ourselves and all our possession and yet own it all. It is the place we imagined to lose ourselves into its thin and cold air and transcend time and space and gravity. It is the place among whose trees and hills we hoped to build a home, that is made up of hope, struggle, perseverance, and sacrifice. It is the place where lies the door to our victory, peace and happiness for eternity.

    Just a few days ahead you will put your small steps into that home of yours. It will be your Neil Armstrong “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” moment. You will have the opportunity and resources to ensure that your home will be built brick by brick with love, care and beauty. On the foothills of Mussoorie, under the shadows of the forest,soaked in the warm rays of the mountain sun, touched by the cold breeze– You will live your dream and see new dreams. Drenching in the rain of the hills, smelling the soil soaked in rain, splashing your feet in the pool of water you will celebrate your success. Watching the sky turn orange with the setting sun and the rising sun, you will watch the twilight turning into new moon into eclipse and then the breaking dawn. These phases of day and night are not just natural phenomenon, but symbolizes your life, your struggle and your triumph. Among all this, you will find yourself. That’s the best part of living your life the way wanted it– at least some part of it.

    Don’t you ever feel the burden of expectations of this world. Don’t you ever feel that you have to live up to certain ways that people expect you to be. Don’t you ever think that you have to do everything right and perfect. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you cannot do it. No matter what. Sometimes, you will make mistakes as the responsibility of the job will weigh you down. Always keep in mind that it’s Ok. You will learn to do things correctly. It will not come to you in a day or two. So, take things slowly, one step at a time, one part at a time. And let me tell you, you will be fine. Lastly, don’t forget to climb new mountains. That’s the only thing that keeps us going.

    • Sorry for the grammatical mistake innfirst para. Missed the ‘not’.

    • Suri. After all that you have written down, my words would seem futile… but I would like to thank God fr having given me friends like you who can feel my joys and sorrows as their own.
      And when you say, “That’s the only thing that keeps US going.”….I am humbled …I take a bow.

  11. Many many congratulations. Honestly, I felt this piece was cryptic. On my third reading of the line “I was born again”, I understood. Really happy to see you succeed. God bless you.

  12. really u replied me.. u may be younger than me the day i saw u first in the television i really appreciate a woman like u…may u win thousand of hearts by doing ur duty

  13. Stop telling yourself a loser. The term loser is in itself is regressive and insulting. You are a “fighter”. You never backed off your dreams and this makes you a fighter.

  14. the poem reflects who u r congrats

  15. the poem the lines reflects what u r ….congratulations for ur grand success god gave what u derserve…

  16. ashis tripathy

    awesome poem ma’m.
    Missing india 2015 classes in lisa’s.
    best wishes from me and my batch for your future .

  17. You have taught us that nobody can steal ones dream and we must never quit. Those who quit is the looser.

  18. Couldnt agree more, having been in the same boat. Splendid line!!

  19. congratulation dear………………………
    really i am very happy and proud to be your friend. Now i hope you will serve the nation by same positive as thinking as you have now

  20. hey pamy,,,it was very nice to read this……
    pay a visit to my poems too…

  21. Awesome.. Perfect blend of emotions & thoughts…

  22. Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
    You had gone confidently in the direction of your dreams,
    & Today You Got the life you’ve imagined.

  23. Renuka Ramachandran

    Great achievement Pamela,with this beginning let all your dreams come true, and may you have courage to dream more and achieve more successes,

  24. Congratulations to the sweet cute adorable IAS officer…we are proud of u!!!! nice poem…dare to dream…dream to dare…

  25. Anuradha Samal

    so beautiful and touching poem…can feel every bit of it… It was never an easy journey for u but it made u such a stronger person, and a very big inspiration for all of us… Congratulations Pamela , i still picture u in school uniform reciting poems in the podium and winning the competition and winnings thousands hearts likewise u won million hearts now.. i spoke to u less but u ve always responded with a smile .. Hope u spread smiles all across and be a help to many many needful…Love to know u as a person … Need lil guidance in this path which i just started walking…need ur guidance n support…
    donno wat to write more ..wish eachday of urs goes with innerpeace happiness n love.. with all my prayers u ve a blissful future ahead

  26. Congratulation for your achievement dear. This congratulation is not only just for your success but the way you achieve it. Hats up to you for your patience, hard work, love towards everyone in any situation. This is just a beginning for your dreams. I wish almighty will give you everything(strength, freedom) to fulfil all your dreams to serve people. Proud of you my dear sis.

  27. I love reading your blogs again and again and each time I read I get new inspiration and courage to do some thing..A lot of things to learn from you..
    Now your life waiting for another dream…dreams…ALL THE BEST dear
    lods of love.

  28. Congrats mam on ur splendid success.i wants to be like u nd be a pride for my state.plz help me nd be a guide to me

  29. All the best for your glorious future ahead Rocky nani!!! You have taught me some very important lessons of life. “Life long learning” I still can’t believe that you hace done it….I mean this dream is such that it hardly comes true but you have done it. What an achievement!

  30. Dear Pamela mam
    At first congratulation for ur splendid success.mam I m also preparing for ias exam n 2015 will b second I am doing a full time job at indiapost sometimes I get a whole day study,sometimes I couldn’t read for a a professional, how could you manage it.?

  31. Emotions, perfectly natural, and the haze that they created had made you feel in June 2014 that it was the end of the road…It wasn’t. A thing had to happen in a time of its choice, not yours !

    And 4th July 2015….it wont be the end of the dream as you reach the goal, Its just a beginning, a new beginning : that should bring in a series of new dreams … to move from the hilltop to the clouds to the sky and beyond… to live for you as much for others.. and to smile and bring a smile to millions of people around you in the days, months and years to come…

    God bless..

    Rip Van Winkle

    • Thank you Mamu. you are right, the road has just begun…I wish I convert this opportunity to become an opportunity for my people.. and a harbinger of smiles. 🙂

  32. Congratulation Mam on ur grand success in upsc.U r d pride of Odisha.4th july is not only a great day for u but also for d whole odisha because on this day we got an eminent personality who is d combination of many outstanding qualities.May all ur dreams come out from d safest corner of ur hidden place.

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