Category Archives: Heartless Humor

Rounded. GrounDead!


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Yak upon a Yak!

The Post is dedicated to my Dear Chubby Hubby!
Celebrating 2years of Togetherness and 20 years of broken promises that you will lose weight ‘soon’.
“All the characters, incidents and places in this Picture-Post are purely fictitious personal and real. Resemblance to any person living ( and not-dead-if-he-loses-weight) or any incident or place is purely coincidental intended.”

The thoughts from the wild brain of Dr.Sahib have been stolen by me for your Entertainment. Laugh at us and Laugh with us! 😀

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Round- the Universal Shape.
She won’t understand,
a woman so naive!

Bun on her head.
Bun like a bread.

Planets in space.
Her moon-shaped face.

Bindi between the bride’s brows.
her bangles- red, green and rose.

Roti rotund.
silk worm cocooned.

Raindrops from the sky.
Football flying high.

Eggs and Potatoes and tomatoes too.
Hippos and Elephants in the Zoo.

Jingling coins in Papa’s Pocket,
Pin holes of an electric socket.

Wheels of a whamming truck.
And our cyclic luck!
That fails and fails,
and up again rises.
Life is full of mystery and surprises!!

You never can tell,
when you think you are a ZERO.
The world may hail you,
and make you a HERO.

A Zero before is a worthless round.
A Zero after can be a million pound.

Mathematics and Physics what could they be?
hadn’t they found ‘The Round’!
But She wouldn’t admit my significance,
and barks like a maniac hound! 😦

Centripetal force acts on the centre of the round.
the Benzene ring was a circle since its found.

The Decimal also a tiny dot.
The “O” in English,
when I say, I lOve her a lOt!! 😛

So!!
What if I’m a Round as well?
Why mock and boo and break the hell!

I don’t diet or gym,
or count calorie.
Because Round is the Shape,
Where in lies the Glory!! 😀

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The Versatile Blogger Award! Thanks a ton Tazein!


Here comes my second award. I am so happy to be called the VERSATILE BLOGGER! #IamGrinning 😀 😀
Thank you Tazein ! You took me by surprise and what a lovely surprise it was!

Toeing Tazein’s line- Following RULES.

1. Display the Award logo on your Blog.
versatile

2.Announce your win with a post and thank the blogger who nominated you.
Did that already 😉

3.Present deserving bloggers with the Award.
My 10.
1. White Pearl
2. randomlyabstract
3.Funky Writer
4. Dancinmoma
5.Jennifer Seifert 
6.jamesneed 
7.IsabellaKai
8.Uncomfortably Honest And Honestly Uncomfortable
9.ESGEE Musings
10.Hanne T. Fisker

4. Link your nominees in the post and let them know of their nomination with a comment.
Yes. will do that soon.

5.Post 7 things about yourself.

PS’ Seven Symptoms.
1. I am a Girl.
I am fragile- handle me with care.
I am tough- test me if you dare. 😀
2. I am in search of some lasting happiness, hidden in a dream, underneath the    skies of Mussoorie.
3. I am a Marriage Martyr since december2012 😦
4. I am an Bachelor of Arts in Engineering 😉 (if any such branch exists). Software engineer by compulsion. Sociologist by choice.
5. I have parents who put little effort in naming me. Hence I have a weird pet-name which is mostly confused to be my pet’s name. Refer Honey Gets Funny to know more.
6. I aspire to be an author someday. But I guess people will read my stuff posthumously, out of sympathy for the poor-soul-who-died-without-being-famous! Huh!!
7.My blog is like my baby. My brainchild. If one day this website crashes and my thoughts are lost- I will go Insane. Yes insane for sure!

If you are not yet bored and still eager to know more about this famous personality. 😛 please visit- If Ignorance is Bliss. It has to be This!

Done! Now off to mailing my nominees. 🙂

Hoorray!

Reader Appreciation Award. Finally the First Award Arrives! Thank You Dear Kitty!!


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An ordinary day has turned extraordinary.

My long wait for an iota of appreciation finally ends!

I get my first Blogging award!! 🙂

Thanks to Dear kitty

I cannot express how humbled I am. A nomination from an accomplished blogger like you means a lot more than a lot to me!

THE RULES.

Identify and show appreciation of the blogger who awarded you.

You must add the award logo to your blog.

Tell your readers 7 things about yourself.

You must nominate 5-10 of your favourite bloggers for this award.

Inform your nominees that you nominated them.

NOW! Obediently abiding by the Rules. (Never did that in school though!) 😉

MY SEVEN ESSENTIALS:

1. From where came most visits to my blog so far today?

Country Views
India FlagIndia 21
Pakistan FlagPakistan 8
United States FlagUnited States 6
Ireland FlagIreland 3
United Kingdom FlagUnited Kingdom 3
Netherlands FlagNetherlands 3
Oman FlagOman 2

2. From where came most visits to my blog this month?

Country Views
India FlagIndia 702
United States FlagUnited States 92
Pakistan FlagPakistan 33
Australia FlagAustralia 12
Qatar FlagQatar 10
Canada FlagCanada 7
United Kingdom FlagUnited Kingdom 5
Netherlands FlagNetherlands 5
Oman FlagOman 4
Nepal FlagNepal 3
Ireland FlagIreland 3
Morocco FlagMorocco 2
France FlagFrance 2
Iraq FlagIraq 1
Spain FlagSpain 1
Azerbaijan FlagAzerbaijan 1
Egypt FlagEgypt 1
Switzerland FlagSwitzerland 1
Ukraine FlagUkraine 1
South Africa FlagSouth Africa 1
Portugal FlagPortugal 1
Bangladesh FlagBangladesh 1
Sri Lanka FlagSri Lanka 1

3. Which blog posts attracted most visits so far today?

Title Views
Home page / Archives 18
To The God Anonymous 9
when I became the Resonner.. 7
If Ignorance is Bliss. It has to be This! 5
If Faith Finds You… 3
The Moon wasn’t Pretty anymore… 2
This “Book” Belongs to… 2
Total views of posts on your blog 46

4. Which blog posts attracted most visits this month?

Top Posts for 30 days ending 2013-10-07 (SummarizeD)

Title Views
Home page / Archives 364
If Ignorance is Bliss. It has to be This! 129
To The God Anonymous 123
Memories… 46
This “Book” Belongs to… 34
Rain! Rain Go Away. Little Honey wants to play!! 32
Come back Home… 30
when I became the Resonner.. 24
If Faith Finds You… 19
If somehow it could be so… 18
Nights of nothingness… 17
As YOU sow, So shall THEY reap 9
If you find me… 8
Customer’Scare 7
The Moon wasn’t Pretty anymore… 6
A Beautiful YOU 5
Gone!! 😦 😦 4
Dear Sir… 4
To Prepare 3
The friend I had… 2
Just when HE thought LoVe was in the AiR…I said “In LoVe and WaR, all is FaIr”!!! 2
I promise not to promise again… 2
When winds of change gallop 2
Will Somebody give me a Good Morning!! 1

5. Which blog posts attracted most comments recently?

Post                                                                                                       Comments
This “Book” Belongs to… 74
when I became the Resonner.. 50
To The God Anonymous 46
If Ignorance is Bliss. It has to be This! 39
Come back Home… 26
Gone!! 😦 😦 25
If Faith Finds You… 25
The tale of a desperate blogger! 23
An Ode to a heavenly couple on earth!! 23
When winds of change gallop 19
As YOU sow, So shall THEY reap 18

6. What are the Comments statistics of my blog?

Comments per month: 68
Total comments: 675
Most active day: October 6, 2013
Most active time of day: 21:00
Most commented recent post: This “Book” Belongs to…

7. Which referrers referred most to my blog this week?

Referrers for 7 days ending 2013-10-07 (Summarized)

2013-09-30 to Today

If Ignorance is Bliss. It has to be This!


In a country like India, a Twenty Point program is a sine qua non for all planning and ‘Pursuit of Happiness’. So when today I suddenly noticed how unhappy I was with my awful awesome Life, it struck me to have my Twenty point program as well.

Being a twenty-nothing myself, I jotted down some of the ‘facts’ I believe to be true.
And I would be utterly obliged if you did too. 😀

Because howsoever it may be a cliche,
I can’t deny that Ignorance is Bliss! 😉
So in search for that peace,
I started off this piece…

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1. I am unemployed By choice and not by compulsion. I am a Software Engineer with hardwired intent to master in Humanities. Hence a Post Graduate in Human Rights Law and a Post graduate in Sociology too. I am just a PhD away from teaching at Oxford 😛
This is frictional unemployment. Even globalization couldn’t  find me a suitable role profile to match my excellently erratic back ground! Shame on it!

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2. I have always worked hard. All that I have achieved is a direct consequence of it. All that I have not- Blame it on my Luck.

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3. I am not a cry baby. Courageous people reflect their true emotions. I am courageous to cry 24×7, without worrying about your tolerance levels.

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4. I am not fat plump. I am healthy. But If you are not convinced, you  should know..My clothes shrunk, I didn’t expand.

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5. If you still think I did! My recent increase in diameter and circumference are directly proportional to my dedication for my Husband. He cannot lose weight, so I am catching up. Indian women are epitomes of sacrifice.

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6.My husband is tall.
I don’t wear heels because they are bad for my back bone aaand I think Elephants are cuter than giraffes.

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7. I can buy clothes, cosmetics, shoes, bags, accessories… and the world. I am Rich.
But I don’t buy them. Not because the “housewife-allowance” is meager to me. But because I hate the culture of consumerism. 😛

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8.I am beautiful. I was born to feature in fairness lotion ads. But Hard work and  the Tropical Sun tanned my modelling prospects 😛

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9. I am a good cook. I like what I cook. And more importantly, I can eat what I cook. My husband eats in his office cafeteria because he is fond of fast-food more than his wife.
Sometimes I accidentally cook well mess up. It’s because while I cook, my MIL (Mother in Law) instructs, My SIL (Sister in law) OVERsees and like you know- too many cooks spoil the broth!

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10. I am not lazy.
But All I make is salad  and oats because- I like to eat healthy, Live longer. Also its the best way to censure unnecessary expenses and growing tumm
ies ( there are 5 of them, including mine)

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11. I am a master of all trades, jack of some more. Singing, writing, painting, gardening, cooking(under improvement),dancing(to my in-laws tunes)… I do it all!!
I am famous for nothing specific though, because I am yet to decide, which art I would like to be famous for.

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12. Especially, I am a prolific poet and a terrific author. But nobody reads my blog (inspite of zealous requests) because- Every successful artist is rejected a trillion times before being inducted into the Hall-of-Fame. I am no exception!

F.A.ME – Forever Away from ME! huh!!

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13. I cross the road with difficulty. But I can ride the scooter, drive the car, manoeuver the MiG and sail the ship.

I have the confidence. But so does my father. He is confident that it would turn out be an expensive affair. ( My last accident cost him Rs 25000— 5000 for an artificial tooth, 20000 for the braces. It was a scooter accident and the scale of damage was limited to one tooth. On a larger scale, with a larger vehicle and all of the 32 teeth… oops! perhaps I would rather agree than pay 32 x 5000 + 25000 !!!) 
Oh my God! I wish I were a dentist. They bite a hell lot of money on your bites! I might try pursuing that someday too 😉

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14. I am not slow- in reading, reacting, reflecting, reaching…
I finish 40 when you flag off 400 because- I am a perfectionist. I believe in quality, not quantity. Mind It!!!

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15. I am usually a silent, tacit person who doesn’t speak unless the need arises. It’s not my fault that the need arises so very often.

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16. I am an amicable soul. People don’t like me? It’s because they are Jealous! Now,who wouldn’t!! 😉 😛

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17. I am a little too angry, impatient, unpredictable and emotionally turbulent sometimes. But don’t you think it can be a Genetic disorder? Now that’s called Manufacturing defect! 😛

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18. Despite this my Parents love me more than Honey, their Pet dog.

(My nick name is Rocky and her’s is Honey. In India, 99/100 people assume, I am the Dog and  she’s the daughter! x-(  )

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19. I am not worried or desperate. This is just a prolooooonged bad phase.
After every dark winter comes a bright summer.
(and I would certainly be alive to witness it without being frozen to death! Hoorray!)
Until then I would wait and meditate.

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20. I am not Greedy. All I want is everything.
God!! Is it too much to ask for?

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Customer’Scare


Perhaps you wouldn’t agree if I say…”Had Gandhi been here he would have been elated to finally see the India of His dreams. An India where we “Hear No Evil. See No Evil. Speak No Evil.”

NOOO?? You don’t agree??

Well let me then tell you my story and you certainly would nod an emphatic yes.

This is the story of a customer, who was one amongst the million many to be lucky enough to avail Customer Care. So then…

One fine day my salary arrived from home. These were hard times and such days were momentous indeed for poor chaps like me. The feeling of being rich atleast for a while made me conveniently forget the sole motto behind that money flow.

Rent—- Later. Bills—- later . Books— Later. Shopping— Need of the hour!!!

My ATM card, the symbol of my All Time Money  All time Misery shove me into  a nearby ATM. My card belonged to SBI while the ATM machine belonged to HDFC. And there started the catastrophe. Each time I would insert my card, it would ask me to wait for the cash and then POP!!! ‘Your Session has expired’.  I would start the process all over again. But after the third try, I quit.

I thought this was an indication by Dear Lord to put aside the street shopping and raid on some classy chic place where I would swipe my card straight away like a rich girl and jump home loaded in luxury.

But little did I know that I was already swiped off onto the streets where even street shopping wouldn’t be affordable.

Unlike the usual times I didnot receive any sms alerts about the deduction of my balance and so I basked in ignominy. But the tremors hit me horribly hard when I decided to clear off some bills online. They had deducted the balance three times from the poor fellas account without as much as an iota of hint!!

I called up SBI customer care. None of the toll-free numbers picked.
Then moments of surfing led me onto a random number that turned out true.
Press 1….Press 2….. Press 3….Press 4..aaaand just go on pressing…
until Press my throat was all I could understand!
but with God’s mercy and squandering away my cell balance, waiting and waiting… I got to ‘talk’ to an employee out there.

They asked where and when and how. They confirmed my loss and that the   HDFC was the culprit. So what next?? I was asked to file a mercy petition to the culprit so that the wrong could be undone!!! and the phone was hung up. Bang!!

I was shocked and scared in disbelief.
I began pondering…
Well Books could be put aside for a moment, with them or without them chances of passing were one in a zillion 😉
But Rent loomed large on me 😦   What If I beg once more for an immediate bail out package?? I could adjust with scanty in the next month…or perhaps I would return when I got back the money…perhaps

But Daddy won’t believe..he would think I straightened my hair again at some expensive salon 😦

So I tried Customer Care once again. This time there was a lady. She set me thinking…English, Hindi, Odiya is all I know…So which Language is she talking in???

I figured out that it was a rapid fire version of Hindi..and some intensely, thoroughly and severely practiced version of English which I was unable to comprehend. Whatever I asked there came the same answer, more often than not, not the answer to the question I asked. Perhaps my English wasn’t as good as hers

I thought. The only way out is to not to let her speak at all. I explained my woe, first in English and then patiently in Hindi. A volley of questions followed...errr …Pardon..Sorry I couldn’t hear you….Pardon I don’t get you….
I summarised my issue all over again.This time in her language, and it worked!! Customers must understand the language specially customized for them. THIS is called Great Customer Care!!

I was asked my Account Number…then  some 11 digit number. Then some 19 digit number… some random number on the ATM receipt and on and on!! How could I ever be grateful to them for considering me not a mere mortal but a supercomputer!

The issue remained unresolved and umpteen calls followed for 2 days. Finally I was asked to go to my nearest bank branch and collect THE Number with which I could file a complaint, which would again be a number with  which I was to inquire about the processing of my request, which would then generate a number…..Ohhhh forget it…!!!

I located the nearest branch. My discretion said it was far. I took a rickshaw and dumped a friend along. Oh don’t tempt me to describe the ease with which we located our destination! THIS is called Banking at the doorstep–Financial Inclusion, so to say.  🙂

We were scared what if it was the lunch-hour and they ask us to wait or come later?? But then there was one consolation. In our banks lunch-hour starts right after break-fast when the office opens at 10 and continues precisely until tea-break at 4, intercepted by just a bunch of more tea-breaks. So any hour in between would be lunch hour… so there wasn’t any point worrying.

We took a deep breath and went inside. Too many counters confused our cerebrum. We decided to randomly try our luck at one.. anyhow we would be tossed like a volley ball and thrown from counter to counter.
And our expectation was proved beyond doubt.
After having repeated my issue to nth people in nth counters in the most patient and polite manner possible then, I decided it was time.

We glanced at each other and rushed straight away into the Branch Manager’s Office. The Lady seemed to be working hard. She looked at us, a tinge of surprise and before I could mumble my issue she took my pass-book and scribbled a number onto it. Yeah she was busy. No time to Hear, See or Speak. I seemed glad until she said I had to call customer care and site this miraculous number and THEN would they file a complaint. I asked why couldn’t I file a complaint here. To which the reply was, ” Madam it would be faster”….Ooooh what a relief!!! THIS is called Fast-track redressal of customer grievance!!

I had to thank her for her mercy and hopped out.

But the way back home was full of hardships. Pretty dresses on the display windows lured me to take them home.
NO! NOO! I would have restrained myself, I swear. But it was my friend who compelled me  and with such easy loans coming one’s way, how do you expect vehement resistance, haan???

Those came home. Some snacks and lemonade also came along…apart from a few other tit-bits.

I came home beaten and battered  and begun jotting down the expenses of the day…this was a habit I took to as survival instincts. 🙂
Oops!! it was 1/10 th of the amount I was hopeful of getting back.
A trip more to the bank to retrieve my lost money and it would eliminate the whole point of wanting it back ever 😛

The series of calls started again. And mercy came my way. She asked me a number and my job would be done. It was my Account number! I was shocked. The miraculous number I had toiled so hard to get wasn’t even of use! My complaint was registered and the next day I got back my lost money 😀 😀

Hoooorrray!!
Rent was paid and dues cleared!
With sheer joy I cheered!

And of course I had to throw a Treat for getting the lost treasure back!! 😉
I was ashamed to note down the expenses of the treat in my log book. What if it fell into Daddy’s hands?? That would be my doomsday!

A day passed and I sat down to pay my internet bill online. Annnd as HisStory repeats itself, HerStory repeated itself too! I got a mail saying ‘Transaction Failure’. I was scared to try again but that was the last date following which a penalty would be charged. So I proceeded again. This time they kindly accepted my regards. 😉

But Ooh! to my surprise I got a mail again saying the 1st transaction was a success as well. I immediately checked my account. It had been promptly debited twice. I waited a while expecting a regret mail from Reliance, my service provider and could have waited eternally had I not called them to report the theft.

The story started taking the same flavours. I nearly screamed with disgust.

I rung them up and they said I would have to prove the undue deductions through an email.

So I did. and here’s how…

Soooo! Didn’t I prove it well?

but they said there would be no refund rather they would be kind enough to adjust it against my next bill. This implied their cheeky assumption that I would continue availing their service!! Reliance on Reliance had proved to be a risky affair 😦   I was reminded of the times they had happily fined me for being late by a single day. I wished I could do the same as well.

But as fate would have, I was on the other side of the table and expecting the tables to turn, to have the odds in my favour was like expecting to sprout wings and fly. So I decided to lie down with patience…with the calmness of an ocean bottom and wait…

But there was a greener side as well. 🙂

 I learnt the Customer Care Sign Language.

 I developed as much perseverance as not to scream while sitting on a frying pan. 


I learnt to put on my best smile even in the worst possible circumstances.


 I learnt that ours is a truly disciplined country where “The Rules” are followed come what may, even if that means bending, twisting and changing them altogether, but yet sticking onto them forever.

 

 So what more does one want!!

NOW don’t you agree that Gandhianism holds true more today than ever before? Just that “The Rules” have been altered a bit. 😛

And we say…

” Hear not Anything.  See not Anything. Share not Anything”.

Now THIS is called CustomerScare!! Ooops Customer ‘Care’ 😉

Cheers!!!