Tag Archives: anguish

If somehow it could be so…


Remember this Spring when I sang?
You seemed unimpressed as I nervously began…

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“You are the reason .
for the change of season.
for all the bliss blooming around…

How do I tell you?
How do I let you know?
In YOU what I found,

A Friend , a Soulmate.
And MYSELF…”

I asked you Why.
As you replied with a sigh,
“Your Name is the loveliest Song.
Your Voice, is the sweetest Symphony.
When YOU are my addiction,
How then could your Song be?”...

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But the Spring is gone.
And so is the Song.
The Autumn is yellowed,
A whitened winter is born.

And I reminisce your memories few…

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Like a drop of dew I grabbed onto,
lost forever, lost YOU.
Like a tune I hummed, right from the soul- warm and true.
Lost the song,  lost YOU.

I thought I would go on, having ‘just’ lost you.
Little did I know
that the lost forever was ME not YOU.

And I reminisce YOU…

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If somehow it could be so…
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know.

Somehow I loved you then.
Somehow I love you still.
Come what may,
but Love I will.

If somehow it could be so.
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know.

A million “bad-byes
but no “Final Farewell“.
No “beginning of an end
because Love leaves this trail…

This trail engraved in my soul,
swallowing me whole.
But just leaving that part with YOU,
That world could have snatched,
But luckily never knew.

If somehow it could be so.
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know…

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PS:
Inspired by the story of a girl I met on the train.
We love.
but more often than not, Love chooses to be unkind.
We part ways.
but more often than not we part ways with ourselves.
We go on.
but more often than not Love is seldom gone.
It remains.
with our immortal remains.

And We Reminisce…

PS: She would always love You.

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Come back Home…


Daddy I'm waiting

Daddy I’m tired of closing my eyes…
please come out if you’re hiding and let me hide.
Daddy you are cheating, don’t you realize?
Daddy please hug me and take me by your side…

Daddy, I promise I would always get an ‘A+’…
Daddy, I promise whenever you say ‘No’ I would never fuss…

Daddy please stop hiding…
Trust me daddy…my eyes are hurting….

without you

It’s raining again…
and you are not here.
They tell me you’re gone.
and I should learn to bear.

I want to see that whacky smile on Raina’s face….
I want to simper at her Question..and Ignore when she says..
” Mommy what are you doing…”

I want to close my umbrella and get into yours…
I want you to chide  me..” Grow up Dear! it’s been 12 years…
The kid is watching…can’t you behave??…
Stop being silly, stupid and naive!”

I promise I would never badger you with tea..when you want your coffee..
I promise when you get late… I would never get huffy.
I can’t believe you are gone…and  why should I?
they can never force me to bid you good bye…

The coffee is getting cold…
Please come back home.

It’s raining again..
and I am alone…

Come back son

Son, don’t you think you punished me a bit too more…
It’s been ages now that I am waiting at the door…

Come back home, you promised you will…
There’s a torturing silence no shriek could kill.

I promise you, I would never pick a strife…
She’s as much my daughter as she’s your wife…

I swear I would never smuggle sugar into my tea…
just tell me that you will never leave me.

She’s young , and pale and draped in white…
I can just beg God to take away my sight.

I try pestering her to stir a dispute…
But the day you were gone she has resolved to be mute.

Why did you give me this agony I never before knew?
Son if can’t come back, please take me with you….
Please Son, take me with you…

P.S:     The Mumbai blasts shook the world a bit and India a bit more…But it shook beyond repair,the families who lost their whole world with it ….

With more such instances on the rise in the world over…In India, in Norway..just to name a few recent ones… I ponder how has man forgotten to be human?

The one who goes is somebody’s son, somebody’s Father, somebody’s everything…as much as the one who stays and kills….

How can they overlook this greater similarity and pick up a difference that doesn’t even exist??

I could do nothing more than just write and So I did…and I want some people to know that they can do much more than just Hate.

May god bless the departed souls… and May God bless the ones who departed with their loved ones but are bound to stay back.

And I Resolved it.


Daddy…I just want to tell you something…You are always right…

Right about Physics. Right about Life. And certainly yeah…right about Me…!

While in 11th you taught me a lot of little somethings in Physics… now they are no more little somethings. They have proven their veracity….in very many ways… and you will be utterly surprised to know how and when…just as I was…. J

It starts up fine…just a little bit of extra energy might be spent in getting it to do what we want… that may be overcoming the friction and then you get to see the results….the heat energy and the potential energy of your body gets converted into kinetic energy…

Hmm…. just as in your relations… your warm enthusiasm and earnest effort kindles it…. And then the potential of your heart and mind decides the radius of curvature of the smile you can wear while sacrificing yourself to sustain it….

You then see the potential energy spent …getting converted into the kinetic energy…things get moving pretty swiftly….kinetic energy we call it !!!…..

But Alas! Daddy has taught me, no system is a perpetual system…perhaps this one too…

Now…don’t ask me who decides the co-efficient of friction…the road ?? or the traveler..??

It just happens…and with it so many other things too…

There’s an inertia …an Inertia of motion that doesn’t allow you to stop…even though you pretty well know that ….if you keep moving on and on now…you will be worn out, consumed to the last drop of sweat…but then you move on…

You have seen it before…right before you wanted to start…Inertia of rest…inertia again…it just won’t allow you to make the move in the first place….yet you find…you moved on…

And on and on you moved…

But then, suddenly….you turn back and realize….is this the path you wanted to take in the first place???!!

Overcoming all the inertia and all the friction has got you so far…!!!…and How far indeed!! …FAR…far away from your own self…. so that when you want… and want it desperately enough….heart in heart you know…there’s no going back….Never ever…

…. I’m no fool now to say….things last forever….

Things have their life-cycle just as I do… They open their eyes to a new world…grow and nurture the wonders of the world into themselves…wear out….and yet stick to the battle .…lose and win…win and lose…and ultimately…fade away…into oblivion…sometimes to come back and sometimes never…

And I thought…It wouldn’t work out…that I lost this fair chance…?!!?!

Nopes!! ….Diffraction is what is most needed….I will bow down a bit before life but I won’t allow it to take over…The ray of hope in my heart…would just bend by a flimsy angle…and then Goodness Gracious…I see it piercing through Life ….coming out victorious!!….just like the phenomena of diffraction…this is phenomenal…!!!

What did I do…that made things work out sooo well…any magic wand??…Ummmm..

Perhaps …I stopped trying…I backed out…

Just when I thought…I had lost you forever…I backed out…I renounced all my rights on you….you are as free as I am…

All the while I was sitting on you…and felt depressed day by day… when you didn’t make the move….How could you with all those shackles??….

I now understand…it was suffocating for you to feel my breath burning on your face….

Today…i..I…. made the move…as you could not…but I moved away….

People may say we are miles apart….but I see this distance as the ROAD…that you would take one day…to come to me….

Yeah too far it may seem…but I think ….the fragrance of my breath must be drifting across this road…. searching for you…perhaps you long for it now…and someday…you might have it as well….

Had Daddy been here, he would have called it Resolution….It says…We can see things clearly ….Only when we are a certain distance apart from them….and not when we dig our vision into them….strange..but true….

I resolved the image of my relation….I have moved apart…I can now see each pixel vividly…What if I cannot touch it with my eye-lashes…at least I can feel it with my eyes… Resolved then …perhaps yes…

Daddy…Thanks!! your physics does work for my life….

But let me tell you…its no cake walk….Resolution hurts…..a lot infact….

Now…I want to forget how much it hurts… the searing pain in my heart….makes me weep tears of blood…I want to unbolt every door and walk away…and keep walking as if it never happened…

All of a sudden…I start pondering over the keys in my hand…WOW!!…I have got them…but where’s the lock?? What am I to open??…frustration shatters my heart… and I say…”All this effort…all this energy…in vain???!!”

But then I come to see… there never was a lock in the first place…and I being a dumb idiot set out looking for the key !!…Hmmm…it’s not that bad..if you think hard…I needed the key to open the lock and rush trough that mesmerizing door… and here I am standing in front of that very door…that I can walk through with bliss…So I got what I wanted!!

But you know what?? You are missing the point again…See… the Search for the key is the real key actually…Had I not set out to find the key and open the lock…I would never have discovered the open door…. That’s life…

Yes, I remember daddy saying,” Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; It can only be transformed from one form to another”…if this is Physics and so be it..

It just gives me peace to think…I have nothing to lose…whatever I had or whatever I possess…it was never mine….it was always HIS.. I had just borrowed…and by the rule of the thumb…I’m returning it Back…. So what!! ?? How many lucky people get the opportunity of juggling with something precious …that’s not even their own… Well.. I got it…and I can say …I’m happy…I’m lucky…

Yes, Daddy… the 88% that I secured for physics in the Boards…..Just forget it!!

I tell you….all this while I had been hoodwinking…

Feel proud Daddy…..coz…TODAY I HAVE REALLY LEARNT IT….!!

HURRAY!!!!