Tag Archives: dignity

Who? She? She’s a Housewife.


She wakes up at dawn,
Relinquishing her yawn.
Slips out of the blankets,
No sounds from her trinkets.

So that she doesn’t disturb your sleep.
She would choke her giggles and quieten her weep.

She prepares the breakfast,
and bites the crumbs at last.
“Parantha again!”, she hears you blast.

She’s forgotten she likes Ginger tea.
She’s forgotten who is she.

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She warms the water for you to bath.
She warms her heart to endure your wrath.
Chooses your clothes, presses them hard.
If at all that will make you glad.

She turns the newspaper
and you snatch it from her hands.
She doesn’t know what’s inside her,
Why may she worry about unknown lands!

She goes to the grocer, the laundry and the milkman.
With you in your office.
she can no more stay a “woman”.

But you will return soon
and show her her right place.
She wouldn’t mind,
She has learnt to accept fate with grace.

Dressed like a maid,
Turmeric tempered hands,
Garlic smelling fingers,
hot oil burnt palms.

You feel ashamed that she stinks of sweat.
Messy, untidy and wet.
Wait!
She will take time to match your attire.
She has burnt her identity in the kitchen fire.

the house-wife

She cooked your favourite dish today.
Just ignore if its salty and please say,
This tastes so good you know.
And she can crumple all her dignity beneath your ego.

Hobby? She can’t have those,
kids and hubby she can.
Who question her intellect,
bully her for “trying to be a man“.

She has all the time in the world for you.
You can watch the NEWS for hours in lieu.
“After all hunger deaths in Somalia,
are more important than her.
What does she know other than home?
Nothing before. Nothing after.”

She has no Sundays.
She can never fall ill.
Just give her a little love.
that’s her real pill.

A little love

She utters her name. You don’t recognise,
It’s not your fault, you are too wise.
She’s forgotten to tell you whose “Mrs” she is,
How on earth would you know her! doesn’t she know this!

She smiles at your guests,serving them tea.
You frown at her, thinking she’s stingy.
You don’t realise she had no money with her,
“Where on earth do you spend all that I offer?!?”

On your make-up, clothes and jewellery?
She smiles.
Bills. Laundry. grocery.

Huh!
The electric bill is high.
She’s the one lazying at home.
Can she deny?

“The new curtains,the sofa and the crockery?
You buy them all,
with whose permission?
whose salary?”

Permission, certainly she needs to seek,
she doesn’t earn even a penny a week.
If her husbands’s status she wants to show.
It isn’t her own, she should know.

She starves her desires
and saves a bit.
Not for her saree,
but for your birthday gift.

She complains you didn’t do a few errands,
“Mad woman! Does she think you have a million hands?!
She’s the one who sits at home
all the while idle, she has the guts to groan!”

People say she does nothing,
but gossip all day long.
After all an “idle-mind” is a devil’s workshop,
where all malice shall throng.

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C-A-T isn’t Saaaat, It’s Kaaat“, she tells.
You know nothing Mom. Or you would have gone to offishh“, he yells.
Even that seems like melody to her loving ears.
Letting the flesh from her womb, innocently pierce-
her identity, her being into a million holes,
Such that a soul cares for a million souls…

He grows up to correct the world,
“She isn’t a house-wife, she’s a home-maker.”
But does this logic convince himself as its taker?

The in-laws are asked what does she do,
They say, “she does nothing, but a house-hold jobs few”.
The husband is asked, what does she do,
Embarrassed he sites her qualifications and says ,”she knew,
she wouldn’t be able to handle so much pressure,
Her world is her family, her only treasure.”

Her family is a treasure for her.True.
But does it consider her a treasure too?

After each fight she’s reminded.
She is fed and clothed by them,
she better not be blinded.

“What’s her worth?
A grain of sand.
It’s time,
She must understand.”

Yes.She has understood well her value.
hence sacrificing that grain of sand too.
To hide it in her womb and nourish it with care.
Into a pearl drop- flawless and fair.

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She sees her dreams through your eyes.
Knowing what if she didn’t shine,
But you must certainly rise.

She goes to the temple,
Prays for your success.
She forgets without fuss,
she too had a few wishes.

A mothers prayers

Never mind!
Whatever makes you happy,
That makes her happy too.
But what brings her tears,
does that bring tears to you?

The world points at her and curiously asks.
You say,”Who? She? She’s a House-wife.”

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Happy Independence day to MEEE!!


If you think you are going to find something about …”How India struggled to get its Freedom?…How efficiently have we been handling our precious Independence?…Have we flourished enough building Valuables..or building up  Values?…Have we been true to our state all this while..or have we made corruption as a core option??….Have we made Commonwealth bring pride to India or have we made Commonwealth the wealth exploited from common  people…..

Then …..I must Say SORRY…..!!!

Having made you read all this long…I want to admit I don’t know what’s happening in India…because I don’t know what has happened to me and why…So I remind you…on reading this you are not going to acquire the snapshot of India and its 63 years of Independence…But you may continue with your own fancy… 🙂

We had our Independence Day celebrations in Office…and it being India’s Premium Research organization… having the Minister for Science and Technology as its Vice President and Prime Minster as its President…we were expected to put up a great show…

Hot and humid as it was…I was getting confused whether I was nervous…or whether it was just everybody sweating profusely…as the ink from the papers I clung to… gradually began to fade away…

I had to compere the entire session… and sing … a solo and one in chorus…

It was just 40 mins that would suffice for all the show…as the Minister had to go…

So I began…the taste of Devnagri on my tongue and the melody of such pompous Hindi to my ears felt really great…I felt proud of myself… that I was doing all this …and that being presented to people  of such profile…

I would not say I did a commendable job…but yeah neither did the microphones….

But then filling in my eyes with the sight of a Minister who had graduated from Berkley …a highly Qualified Director General….. (all the while smiling at me)…and three top notch IAS officers…I said to myself…whether great..good or groggy..I would have to do it..because if I didn’t then nobody else would…. 🙂

And I held on…..

Well first time in the 11 months…we were presented with a Certificate of Appreciation by the Minister…He whispered in a fraction of a second…You are running the entire Show?!…GOOD!…you sang well too…”

I couldn’t even smile back….had to run for compering the next event !! 😀 😦

So came the end…and the numbers dwindled away…I stood there confused as everybody gave their share of opinion…on what it was and what else it could have been…

The very people that I work in close association with said…It was too long…it lacked vibrance …It was too sad… you didn’t look glad…it was melodious but a bit too tad!!

In short BAD!! 😦

I knew it wasn’t so…as a bunch of people complimented me on how gracefully I had done Lataji’s  ‘Aye Mere watan k logo’..it being such a difficult song…some were really impressed at the way I compered and the contents of my script….some said I looked confident …and so on… 🙂

Well can’t say I wasn’t disheartened with the way people could play such great critics without ever caring for the other person’s feelings…I simply stood there gulping each word in…

The saddest part was people who said so were all those whom I face each day of the 7 day working week we have here…who knew how I was dragged to the office at 9 and came back home all withered and spent at 8…with the humongous task of compering in Hindi…last night…

I programmed myself to shield my sensitive heart…and told it…if it wasn’t worth appreciating…it wasn’t fair criticizing too…So my stupid heart just stop being so sensitive!!

We were taken to snack at the India International Centre to while away time as my boss didn’t have the keys to go back home…we were there..

On a call from Daddy…my heart again ailing …he was really down with a burning temperature for the past few days..He had come to Delhi..stayed at my place..washed all my clothes…stuffed my mouth with bread and Jam…as I typed an email for office…

On 14th He had a flight to catch up at 11:45 back home…and I had a meeting to attend at 10…So I had to leave him home with a hasty bye…to attend that really important meeting…

With the Dosa a few more words of analysis of Today’s show fought their way into me…as I remembered my Daddy…as I remembered how hard I had struggled last night…writing the script in Hindi ( ofcoz with tremendous help from one of my colleagues over the phone)..till 2 into the night…..

Who knows what worth it was !!

Then I decided what worth it actually was…hurrying through the dosa…

He said coffee for five to the waiter…and I yelled “ No a TEA for me please!!”…

I never was this happy sipping onto tea before…

Since Sept 15, 2009…I had loved the Coffee…I had loved the dosa…idly …and Upma too…I had loved to claim “YES SIR!!” as my favourite words…I had loved to see my puffy eyes doing both the horse and donkey stuff late into the night…I had loved to console myself…”a sincere try never fails…my work would certainly speak for me one day…yeah some day he would certainly utter my name first when he had ultimately remembered it…yeah someday I would make all of them happy……”     HUH!

But then I had forgotten…touching my pillow each night I should have atleast made one person happy in the day…either them..or me and that one person was certainly never them…and that one person certainly wasn’t me either!!

So…I sipped on delightedly as I formulated and engraved onto my mind…the decision of a long fought battle…

The glass doors of the IIC…shut behind us…stepping onto the sun…I gaped madly at the laal Batti on  Sir’s vehicle…as if seeing it for the first time…I smiled a smile…a smile that swung me off and onto my dream… 😀 🙂

I said to God…will you give me that one??….although Red’s never been my favourite colour…And Pink is what I like most….. But I would love to have this one in red….!!!! 😛

I sighed..some things/people have their value recognized…only when we come to know we can never have them again… But then…… SO BE IT!!

Got down from the car..there was an assortment of kids…all sizes, shapes and colours available…trying hard to put up an Independence day show for the Apartment residents…

Parents were lined up in the scorching sun…

I had nothing to do…Nothing here in Delhi..No Friends..no family..no kids (ofcoz) 😛 !!

So I stayed back..clicking on the camera..absent mindedly…

I could see kids perform…their eyes searching for their maa on the stage…mothers more anxious than their performer kids…

I could see children running back to their parents…who would then proudly say..how great their performance was…how sweet her voice sounded..how smart he seemed while he danced….

Which if one fairly judged was partly true and partly not….But for parents there is never any partly ….they are just entirely..entirely for their kids.. 🙂

I was reminded of school…of my Mommy who would dress me so aptly for each and every performance that I did….how she would drop me anywhere and everywhere I wished for with her zooming black Kinetic Honda…how she would yell at Daddy who was too shy to tear the crowd and step to the front for clicking my pic while I performed….

I missed them madly…tears flowed down my cheek…I had been yelling at my Stupid heart for being so touchy feely since the morning….I had calmed it down too…But these memories just broke me down beyond repair…

Suddenly the job…the life here seemed meaningless…

I opened the keys into my flat…the past 11 months had made me forget myself…my family… as if I had locked myself up and thrown away the keys…

I had forgotten how I hate to be so lonely…How I should miss home more often…so that I don’t miss life… and How I should respect my likes and dislikes as much as I did so for others…

I had almost forgotten…”How much I had loved to be myself…before…Before I earned this fat salary…”

While at school…money never filled my pockets…but Individuality and self respect filled my soul…

Having struggled in Delhi alone for the past 11 months had given me an illusion of Independence…of freedom…But I had never realized what a poor miserable slave I had become..trying to please those who were not even my own…how I had curbed my freedom…  my dreams….for the sake of others…..Shame on me!

Now I have all that money and all that money can buy…But I just couldn’t buy the ability to dream…the pride in being myselffree…fragile yet fearless!!

This Independence Day…I will buy myself some freedom..Shop for some expensive dreams…. that when I keep in my wallet will not let me sleep for the fear of being lost….and I would hold them dear…

I would give myself some Independence to be the one I have always been . This Independence Day….I would make myself realize how Independent I actually should be!!

I laughed to myself…as I unlocked the door…I will unlock myself today too! 🙂

I promise Daddy…I would get that one for you…I hope you don’t mind red..as you have always been colour blind!!

I promise Mommy….I would never grossly deviate from the way you had manufactured me Fragile…yet Fearless!!… 😛

I promise myself….I would never ever love the Coffee again… 😛

Hey!! Happy Independence day to MEEEEE…!!



O Stranger! How can I say Thank you!


..Dont know where it all started…but before I could realise..it was too late…I had already been attacked by..what I called “Crossophobia“…traffic panciked me…the very thought of crossing a busy road kept me at home on bright spring days…

You may term it as.. lack of confidence… I may not agree with you, but neither can I shoo it away completely ….Never for anything else in my life, have I felt …what I feel on seeing a road zooming with traffic…

Cars honking madly at each other..make me a lunatic ..The traffic signals, indications of the Traffic police have always gone over my head tangentially… I can swear by God…that Traffic signs for me are as apprehensible as Rocket Science..!! :D….

So Delhi…one of the most thronged cities of India…had always been on the top of my phobia list…

I had heard people say..”God puts you before what you most fear ..so that you will emerge courageous…stronger and  …victorious…”

And perhaps..for God ..I was no exception…

After drenching myself in the Mysore rains…I had to come to Delhi to gather dust…Cant say how and when…just as it was happening..I feel I have changed a lot..  Sure..it was to happen..the dust on the Delhi streets has settled over the rain drops clinging to my body from Mysore…and they have given me the smell of the dry earth being sprinkled with rain drops…. a colour of the golden mud…While some may call the smell and the sight..DIVINE…for others it can be just another repulsive sight…

So the cold war began… The Traffic… the Crowd would never stop for me…So.. why do I stop for them…??? I would wage a war..a Cold war…

And Sure enough …cold it was for me ..

With every sight of a road to be crossed..I got cold feet…and with every step I took while crossing it..I was drenched in cold sweat…cold were my heart beats and cold was I……Even after having crossed the road…the thought of having done so…. made me shiver from disbelief..for another fifteen minutes..cold blood rushing through my veins  and making me numb…..(or rather Dumb!! 😛 )….So cold it was for me…that it left me..frozen to death…

But then there were people…some people around me…well Colleagues at firstno rather friends… Perhaps much more than that….probably..One my Breath and the other my Beats… No …in Short..THE Rolly and THE Ahmad for me…

We had stuck by each other in the hardest of times…and put up cat fights in the most trifle of matters…I guess that describes all… 🙂

I clung to their palms…mine all sweaty…and theirs perhaps a Solace to me…                                                                                                            She would drag me safely and sometimes get reprimanded for that….and he would gently take me by my arm..never forgetting the basic difference that existed between him and me… 🙂

But it was a shortcoming …and I was unable to bear it..With each passing day…                                                                                                           An indistinct indifference irked me each moment of the day…I could hold their hands..while crossing my life…but I just didn’t want to hold them while I crossed the road… 🙂

I wanted a confident chuckle to burst from my cheeks with every cross-road in life …and I wanted to do it all alone…

So that I could stand up in front of the mirror and say…”Yes Pamela…You can do it”…and See my reflection wave back to me and say..”I trust you..”

Days went by …I stopped counting them as weeks rolled over…then there had to be months….and then there were the seasons…

I had dried up my tears in the dry autumn..that brought me to Delhi…I froze my emotions and crystallized myself into a cold stone..with the chilling winter….thinking that my fears would never spill out from my cold surface…

fortunately or unfortunately… I was wrong…

But then..after every winter comes a Spring…melting the ice crystals all over…I found myself changing again..hope to despair and now despair to hope….The hope this time was sweeter…perhaps the water from the melting ice is always better than the one which has never experienced seasons..

So…one day ..the Spring Bloomed a lovely afternoon in my life…

Rolly, Ahmad and I set out to the nearby Rail-Bhawan to fetch some tit-bits at the lunch break. It was the same story…I was the cheese in the Sandwich while tip-toeing through that busy road….

But the story wasn’t exactly the same…

Something changed…. and it changed Something forever…

On the way back…I received my Mummy’s call…and with the “Hello”..there also burst a giggle…an innocent and abrupt..grin across my face…and a loud….”WOOOOOOOOOOOW……Kete saara Pigeons… ” we had just intruded the chowraha..where hundreds of pigeons were flying hanky-panky….!!! Strange Sight…!!…and then…something even stranger…

A lean little girl ..Ummm not so little…probably just like me..clung tight to my arm…just as we were about to cross the road…Rolly and Ahmad were taken aback..and I stood there completely flummoxed…

Before I could ask ..a few quick words..”WhO…WhAt and WhY Me?”… She uttered something magical… which I was hearing for the very first time in my life…” I want to cross the road…and I can’t ..Please ..take me there…I ..ummmm…actually …..umm please…..”

Then ….did I think twice…?? Strangely No!!!…I mean I said …”YES!!! …ya sure…” and that..with such grace….as if I had been doing that …ever since I had learnt to walk..!! 😛

As if suddenly all wisdom struck me…As if I was not I , me not me….. Suddenly the sounds didn’t matter and the crowd faded away..the honking…it just seemed distant..everything vanished…all I could then see was the other end of the road..where she wanted to go…

I pressed her hands in mine…for the first time I wasn’t embarrassed by my wet palms….and the sweat in her palms..seemed like a coolant to me… :)..

we kept walking…oblivious of the noise, the traffic, the jostling crowd….the pigeons…The Rolly …The Ahmad…

I asked her …”how many years..in Delhi..”…She mumbled..6 years..and you?”..

I was proud to say..I have persisted.. 6 long months….since Sept 14…

then again..she asked..”which way are you going??”…..I returned….“which way are you going??”…

That was it…I went past my office …and walked with her…to the other side of the lane…

Something which I had never done before… all alone..not even for myself…

Then there was no losing time…I hicupped the last question…rather my last words…with her..”WHY ME?? !!?!”…

the reply makes me ponder even today…”You were happy to see those Pigeons…”..

She jumped over into the bus..there was no waving…there was no good-bye…not even a Thank You..

There was no time to ask her name…and there was no time to think..and determine what I got back …

There was just..No time to realise..I had one more road to cross alone…

Ahmad had come over ..to make me cross again…

But I couldn’t notice him…I think I crossed the lane..by myself..

Rolly and Ahmad..were chortling with laughter…saying…”Pammi should get a Bravery Award for the feat…One who doesn’t know how to cross herself…sets out guiding others… :P”..!!!

But then it hardly mattered…I knew what I’d got..

I was at the crossroad of my life…not knowing which step to take and how big my step should be…and whether to take the right or that which was left… I didn’t know..it myself…

And she was a Stranger…How did she know..what I was to do???..I’m perplexed…” How did she know that getting across the Central Secretariat Crossing …would make me get across the Crossroad I was standing at in life…??

I   don’t promise …I will begin to like the Delhi crowd…the mad traffic….                                                                                                                            I don’t promise ….I wouldn’t be scared to cross the road alone..ever again…                                                                                                            I  don’t promise I would gracefully walk across and never panic….

But I certainly do promise…I will wipe my sweaty palms on my T-shirt…won’t be embarrassed that I panic….Look   at the Bhagwanji’s wallpaper on my cellphone…smile to myself and say….”Yes..you have done  it before …and you can do it now…you can trust YOURSELF Pammi…Go on…”

I cannot muster up words to mumble…What I have got from YOU…

Neither will YOU ever know….that…

“You have given me …ME…the me that I had always longed for…

Lucky that you didn’t say a Thank you…because I don’t know how am I to pay back…what you have given me….You have gifted me your confidence and You have gifted me mine too dear…

Just tell me….Tell me please…

O Stranger….how can I ever say …THANK YOU….

hmm atlast...I did it..