Tag Archives: freedom

When winds of change gallop


Taking out only the necessary fingers from inside the blanket, I refuse to come out of hibernation. A severe head ache bangs in my head with too many thoughts struggling to prioritize themselves. A call from a girl I have never seen, never met, never loved, never hated…wakes me up. Why do Residues of relations that come and go out of your life like a boomerang, refuse to fade into oblivion, refuse to die off??

It amazes me how and why we  remember people sometimes. How and why we pretend to forget some and How and why we wish we could ever forget some others…

I look at the beams of sunlight coming from the asbestos roof over me. I am amazed at how grumpy I can be when the pillow seems not too soft at home and how when alone I can curl up to battle the cold on a bed that’s exactly fits me…

There was a day when  I was scared of change. There came a day when I made up my mind to play all those games I was scared of . There came this day when all I know is change: Change myself, Camouflage sometimes and Cast off those myriad masks sometimes…

Because  I know you won’t change for me.

So I put up those colored glasses and see you as I wish to see you.

In the concrete closet I am in, waiting for a gift to come soon, I stop counting   hours… realizing that life is a long wait. A mysterious force within gives me inconceivable faith that this is the ultimate trial before the triumph.

There are no Do’s and Dont’s here. But some instructions are implicit. I know I cannot sing here and whispering on the phone inside the blanket, careful enough that I don’t make too much noise makes me go crazy sometimes. And the wonderful washroom perfectly fits me…I can never slip off and fall in it as I usually did before 🙂

Life offers its share of Laughter and Lynches when you least expect it to.

Well … My dream of being a silent, sober missy is finally being answered. 😛

But as I attempt to hum my favourite song…my lips fumble and the tune is lost…I am scared that I might lose my voice some day soon…

I stare at the ‘bird in the cage’, the only fancy thing that hangs on from the roof. Rolling on with time, I rolled off all those things that could be categorized as unnecessary into large cartons that were taped shut forever. The only thing that was somehow  left out was this.

I am reminded of the times when wind chimes would hum into my ears with the rain, with the breeze. But when winds of change gallop… chimes have made way for the cage here.

Once the bells in the wind chime struggled to stay still when the breeze would tickle them at length… and today the bird in the cage struggles to flutter, if only there would be a breeze…

There are so many firsts that take us back in life, that we are bound to deal with such grace as if we have been doing that all through. If we clench our fist, we get a fist in turn. But if we open up our palm, time tugs at our finger and shows us the way…

I Hope.

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And I Resolved it.


Daddy…I just want to tell you something…You are always right…

Right about Physics. Right about Life. And certainly yeah…right about Me…!

While in 11th you taught me a lot of little somethings in Physics… now they are no more little somethings. They have proven their veracity….in very many ways… and you will be utterly surprised to know how and when…just as I was…. J

It starts up fine…just a little bit of extra energy might be spent in getting it to do what we want… that may be overcoming the friction and then you get to see the results….the heat energy and the potential energy of your body gets converted into kinetic energy…

Hmm…. just as in your relations… your warm enthusiasm and earnest effort kindles it…. And then the potential of your heart and mind decides the radius of curvature of the smile you can wear while sacrificing yourself to sustain it….

You then see the potential energy spent …getting converted into the kinetic energy…things get moving pretty swiftly….kinetic energy we call it !!!…..

But Alas! Daddy has taught me, no system is a perpetual system…perhaps this one too…

Now…don’t ask me who decides the co-efficient of friction…the road ?? or the traveler..??

It just happens…and with it so many other things too…

There’s an inertia …an Inertia of motion that doesn’t allow you to stop…even though you pretty well know that ….if you keep moving on and on now…you will be worn out, consumed to the last drop of sweat…but then you move on…

You have seen it before…right before you wanted to start…Inertia of rest…inertia again…it just won’t allow you to make the move in the first place….yet you find…you moved on…

And on and on you moved…

But then, suddenly….you turn back and realize….is this the path you wanted to take in the first place???!!

Overcoming all the inertia and all the friction has got you so far…!!!…and How far indeed!! …FAR…far away from your own self…. so that when you want… and want it desperately enough….heart in heart you know…there’s no going back….Never ever…

…. I’m no fool now to say….things last forever….

Things have their life-cycle just as I do… They open their eyes to a new world…grow and nurture the wonders of the world into themselves…wear out….and yet stick to the battle .…lose and win…win and lose…and ultimately…fade away…into oblivion…sometimes to come back and sometimes never…

And I thought…It wouldn’t work out…that I lost this fair chance…?!!?!

Nopes!! ….Diffraction is what is most needed….I will bow down a bit before life but I won’t allow it to take over…The ray of hope in my heart…would just bend by a flimsy angle…and then Goodness Gracious…I see it piercing through Life ….coming out victorious!!….just like the phenomena of diffraction…this is phenomenal…!!!

What did I do…that made things work out sooo well…any magic wand??…Ummmm..

Perhaps …I stopped trying…I backed out…

Just when I thought…I had lost you forever…I backed out…I renounced all my rights on you….you are as free as I am…

All the while I was sitting on you…and felt depressed day by day… when you didn’t make the move….How could you with all those shackles??….

I now understand…it was suffocating for you to feel my breath burning on your face….

Today…i..I…. made the move…as you could not…but I moved away….

People may say we are miles apart….but I see this distance as the ROAD…that you would take one day…to come to me….

Yeah too far it may seem…but I think ….the fragrance of my breath must be drifting across this road…. searching for you…perhaps you long for it now…and someday…you might have it as well….

Had Daddy been here, he would have called it Resolution….It says…We can see things clearly ….Only when we are a certain distance apart from them….and not when we dig our vision into them….strange..but true….

I resolved the image of my relation….I have moved apart…I can now see each pixel vividly…What if I cannot touch it with my eye-lashes…at least I can feel it with my eyes… Resolved then …perhaps yes…

Daddy…Thanks!! your physics does work for my life….

But let me tell you…its no cake walk….Resolution hurts…..a lot infact….

Now…I want to forget how much it hurts… the searing pain in my heart….makes me weep tears of blood…I want to unbolt every door and walk away…and keep walking as if it never happened…

All of a sudden…I start pondering over the keys in my hand…WOW!!…I have got them…but where’s the lock?? What am I to open??…frustration shatters my heart… and I say…”All this effort…all this energy…in vain???!!”

But then I come to see… there never was a lock in the first place…and I being a dumb idiot set out looking for the key !!…Hmmm…it’s not that bad..if you think hard…I needed the key to open the lock and rush trough that mesmerizing door… and here I am standing in front of that very door…that I can walk through with bliss…So I got what I wanted!!

But you know what?? You are missing the point again…See… the Search for the key is the real key actually…Had I not set out to find the key and open the lock…I would never have discovered the open door…. That’s life…

Yes, I remember daddy saying,” Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; It can only be transformed from one form to another”…if this is Physics and so be it..

It just gives me peace to think…I have nothing to lose…whatever I had or whatever I possess…it was never mine….it was always HIS.. I had just borrowed…and by the rule of the thumb…I’m returning it Back…. So what!! ?? How many lucky people get the opportunity of juggling with something precious …that’s not even their own… Well.. I got it…and I can say …I’m happy…I’m lucky…

Yes, Daddy… the 88% that I secured for physics in the Boards…..Just forget it!!

I tell you….all this while I had been hoodwinking…

Feel proud Daddy…..coz…TODAY I HAVE REALLY LEARNT IT….!!

HURRAY!!!!