Tag Archives: grief

If somehow it could be so…


Remember this Spring when I sang?
You seemed unimpressed as I nervously began…

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“You are the reason .
for the change of season.
for all the bliss blooming around…

How do I tell you?
How do I let you know?
In YOU what I found,

A Friend , a Soulmate.
And MYSELF…”

I asked you Why.
As you replied with a sigh,
“Your Name is the loveliest Song.
Your Voice, is the sweetest Symphony.
When YOU are my addiction,
How then could your Song be?”...

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But the Spring is gone.
And so is the Song.
The Autumn is yellowed,
A whitened winter is born.

And I reminisce your memories few…

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Like a drop of dew I grabbed onto,
lost forever, lost YOU.
Like a tune I hummed, right from the soul- warm and true.
Lost the song,  lost YOU.

I thought I would go on, having ‘just’ lost you.
Little did I know
that the lost forever was ME not YOU.

And I reminisce YOU…

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If somehow it could be so…
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know.

Somehow I loved you then.
Somehow I love you still.
Come what may,
but Love I will.

If somehow it could be so.
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know.

A million “bad-byes
but no “Final Farewell“.
No “beginning of an end
because Love leaves this trail…

This trail engraved in my soul,
swallowing me whole.
But just leaving that part with YOU,
That world could have snatched,
But luckily never knew.

If somehow it could be so.
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know…

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PS:
Inspired by the story of a girl I met on the train.
We love.
but more often than not, Love chooses to be unkind.
We part ways.
but more often than not we part ways with ourselves.
We go on.
but more often than not Love is seldom gone.
It remains.
with our immortal remains.

And We Reminisce…

PS: She would always love You.

If you find me…


Of those paper-flights…
Of those cat dog fights…
Of those pillow talks on summer nights…


Of those hop-scotch games on torrid afternoons.
jumping and screaming like stupid goons.


Of fighting, then punching, slapping and biting…
But for a common cause quickly reuniting! 😛

Of those mango robberies from the neighbor’s backyards
Of those merciless lashings with tough cane shards!

of those tiny boats
made from history notes…
The rain sank them,
but your memory floats…

Of gleefully giggling at each other
serving different punishments but together.
Holding each others ears, standing like monkeys…
bereft of the fear, “what if anybody sees!?!?”

Of those Report cards, that flashed pretty good marks 😛
Of those raised eyebrows that asked,” how on earth do these fools pass?!”

Of ringing the cycle bells like hell
Of feeding stray  pups…
and dressing up dolls as well.

then knowing not of
“practical or feasible and pragmatic or possible”

For something we set our hearts on…
we jumped into any typhoon of trouble.

‘Fantasies and wishes’ were all that we could grow.
Of ‘Aspirations’ and ‘Ambitions’ did we ever bother to know??

of those ” what do I become when I grow up?”,
that changed overnight…
and then choosing what our hearts chose
over the best or the right.

And how can I forget!
Those endless rounds of Hide and seek.
Of I being the all-time seeker and you, a hiding freak!

Behind rose bushes, or peeking from tree tops!
Or hiding in the garage with the brooms and the mops!

Wherever on earth, you cleverly hid.
I was quick to find you and find sure I did.

But why have You taken such a long time?
I have been hiding since then,do I need to remind?

I was grumpy enough as You always hid.
but one fine day..in a promised bid,
You said you will be the seeker and let me hide…
And left me with a smile so bright and wide.

But ever since you left and those countdowns faded…
I held my breath and simply waited.

It took you ages…great and long.
In letting you be the seeker, I realised I was wrong.

I told my heart, perhaps you were naive in this skill of seeking.
But when weeks became years…my heart begun sinking.

I thought I will ease your task a bit,
I moved my hideouts closer,hoping every minute…
“Perhaps No more waits this time.
you will find me soon and I shall be fine…”

But You moved on to par excellence.
As I waited then and I wait hence.
More ordinary than the ordinary could be.
with a sole little wish that you will come and find me.

Moving from a continent to another in Business class flights..
do you ever remember flying paper planes from ‘great’ heights?

Honking your Sedan while sipping on coffee…
do you remember those cycle races you once had with me?

Assessments and appraisals and meeting days and nights,
does it ever remind you of those Report Card frights?

Now when you nurture great “Ambitions” that touch  sky-line…
do you remember the mango loots that then were simply divine?

If you get to find me someday
and I seem a simpering Fool…
You needn’t tell your kids I was your Friend…
Just say,“she studied with me in school.”

I want nothing but that you find me
and end these hide and seeks…
I wish to see you one last time
and find bliss on your cheeks…

It’s perfectly fine if you don’t recognize.
I would understand that’s “prudent and wise”.

I know you are busy and it ain’t “practical” no more.
But how can my heart fill those hollows that so deep you bore?

Please don’t forget that You asked me to hide…
I trusted you then and I do still confide.

Not someday soon but perhaps when you have time…
perhaps you will remember this unfinished rhyme.

I know I’m not that important to expect or to wait.
But I still hope you will turn up although a bit late.

You might remember then that
Someone’s waiting for a find…
I know I’m there… somewhere…still in your heart..
if not in your mind…

I promise not to promise again…


I promise not to promise again.
because promises have thrown me into prisons of pain.
Tears hanging onto my eyelids.
I don’t know
whether to hold on or let them go.

Too many lines strewn across my forehead,
from too many stories you said.
Too many questions remain unanswered.
Too many feelings seek to make their voices heard.

I make a clarion call
and try not answering them all.
Because some answers that I found
have given me wounds so profound.

I can neither scream nor seep into silence.
Acting as if in oblivion,
I pretend to go on.

The sound of the train and drops of rain
weave a melancholy melody.
My heart skips a beat
as I decide to retreat.
A step forward and two behind,
in this tortuous path I try to find.

Tunnel after tunnels pass.
Light after darkness and darkness after light.
But this night inside me,
stays on in my fight.

Raindrops on the glass panes,
empty fields and empty lanes…
Remind me of the kingdom I once ruled.
Until I realised how I was be-fooled.

Beneath the bridges the rivers flow.
Mountains come and valleys go.
As I sit back and ignore
the answers I already know…

How true it is indeed…

Being born blind is easier
than closing your eyes,
Because it is hard to know the truth
and yet live on with lies…

Come back Home…


Daddy I'm waiting

Daddy I’m tired of closing my eyes…
please come out if you’re hiding and let me hide.
Daddy you are cheating, don’t you realize?
Daddy please hug me and take me by your side…

Daddy, I promise I would always get an ‘A+’…
Daddy, I promise whenever you say ‘No’ I would never fuss…

Daddy please stop hiding…
Trust me daddy…my eyes are hurting….

without you

It’s raining again…
and you are not here.
They tell me you’re gone.
and I should learn to bear.

I want to see that whacky smile on Raina’s face….
I want to simper at her Question..and Ignore when she says..
” Mommy what are you doing…”

I want to close my umbrella and get into yours…
I want you to chide  me..” Grow up Dear! it’s been 12 years…
The kid is watching…can’t you behave??…
Stop being silly, stupid and naive!”

I promise I would never badger you with tea..when you want your coffee..
I promise when you get late… I would never get huffy.
I can’t believe you are gone…and  why should I?
they can never force me to bid you good bye…

The coffee is getting cold…
Please come back home.

It’s raining again..
and I am alone…

Come back son

Son, don’t you think you punished me a bit too more…
It’s been ages now that I am waiting at the door…

Come back home, you promised you will…
There’s a torturing silence no shriek could kill.

I promise you, I would never pick a strife…
She’s as much my daughter as she’s your wife…

I swear I would never smuggle sugar into my tea…
just tell me that you will never leave me.

She’s young , and pale and draped in white…
I can just beg God to take away my sight.

I try pestering her to stir a dispute…
But the day you were gone she has resolved to be mute.

Why did you give me this agony I never before knew?
Son if can’t come back, please take me with you….
Please Son, take me with you…

P.S:     The Mumbai blasts shook the world a bit and India a bit more…But it shook beyond repair,the families who lost their whole world with it ….

With more such instances on the rise in the world over…In India, in Norway..just to name a few recent ones… I ponder how has man forgotten to be human?

The one who goes is somebody’s son, somebody’s Father, somebody’s everything…as much as the one who stays and kills….

How can they overlook this greater similarity and pick up a difference that doesn’t even exist??

I could do nothing more than just write and So I did…and I want some people to know that they can do much more than just Hate.

May god bless the departed souls… and May God bless the ones who departed with their loved ones but are bound to stay back.