Tag Archives: guilty

The Moon wasn’t Pretty anymore…


I gaped and gaped at you all night…

Until my stomach squeaked in delight…

That you must have noticed me ogling at you…
Perhaps..It was something that you already knew!!

I needed you then like never before…
You…just you…and nothing more…

I had admired you long enough…long enough from my balcony…
Now I want to feel you in my arms…and make you my destiny…

You were there..as always..

surrounded by billions…basking in their gaze…

While they prayed to make you theirs relentlessly….
I prayed to be yours desperately…

Ooo!! Outrightly visible then I was…
An ordinary speck in an extraordinary mass…

You moved me to pour out my heart’s anguish..
Only then could I utter my long cherished wish…

True.. . that  I loved you …
But they loved you too just the same…
…my love is purer than the purest and rarer than the rarest..”
I failed to claim…

With eyes twinkling in tears,
I mumbled…“U can’t be mine…But can I be yours…??”

As your mystic smile surfaced…
I whispered on with utter haste…

“I need you much more than you will ever need me…
Because I need to be needed by you…
Believe me..”

“I can’t even say we are made for each other…
You may be made for Me…
But I am mad for you…”

A quick chuckle and …You jumped into my arms…
For the very first time I could feel all your charms..
All this while I had admired The Moon from my balcony…
And now kissing its forehead  seemed inexplicably uncanny…!!

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Never had thought that I could surpass the stars and clench The Moon..
Never had faith that prayers are answered this soon…

Euphoria struck me hard with all its might….
I never had known that even success can be a plight!!

As the night faded away…
And the yesterday transformed into Today….

Perceptions of the Past suddenly dawned on me…
What I had thought to be cool..seemed cold indeed …

I had long longed to be bedazzled by your light…
But then I don’t know why you could blind my sight…

With you in my arms, my heart fathomed your enigma…
Too many questions now shrouded your panorama…

I had sensed it be ethereal… I had sensed it to be eternal…
But now how and why…it seemed all too banal….

As I glanced at the Moonless sky for a while…
The dream that I had realized seemed all too futile…

You had left behind your world just for me
But I had waived it off in a selfish spree….

I now longed to be warm and I longed to let you go….
You could sense my uneasiness…and let it be soo..

Huh!!….What a great irony…
Now when I can feel you in my arms…

I want to just see you from my balcony…

Ooo Dear! I lament all my lies…
And I know No Sorry would ever suffice…

I know I have hurt you …
And That’s something even I despise…

I let you go…
I set you free…
I grant you your wish
to always hate me….

As you go from my balcony into the splendid sky…
I can only feel sorry and bid you good bye….

I couldn’t comprehend…How could I not know??
I couldn’t figure out… how could I do so…

How could I ever ignore…
Something that I loved so much before??

How could I ever Say….
“The Moon wasn’t pretty any more?”

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Wasn’t I the “SOMEBODY” this time?


Somebody..just another person from somebody’s family…n that somebody already a long distance relation….UFFF!!..I wish Mommy would stop acting like my Public Relations Officer…
My Mum’s brother’s wife…..Wel I love her ..she’s my ‘Mami‘..Okk
Then comes her sister…Hmmm… I have been friends with her since school.. but I just call Her ‘Masi’…

But then..come her In-Laws into the scenario….OOOOO my God..how do I ever know why I am to be extra nice to them… ????!!

But then who is my PRO??..my MUM..and there’s no ‘NO’ that she would listen…

 So here’s the story finally….

One fine evening I set out in the Metros from Central Secretariat to Rajiv Chowk and then from Rajiv Chowk to Dwarka Sector-9….I was to meet my sister Golu and Mami who had come to visit me in Dilli…I being a ‘busy’ person never could give them time..Office was all I saw every day from 9 to 9 and the four walls of my flat was what they saw every day from dawn to dusk…

Frustration drove them away from my place to my Mami’s sister’s place…

Time had already come..and they were supposed to be leaving the coming Saturday..I really had no option but to go there and bring them back home…

 So I set out….

For me crossing the road had always aroused something  called “crossophobia”….But then fighting off the traffic and getting to the Metro Station I managed to get a ticket to Dwarka…

My colleagues Shilpa and Chhavi were with me..but I never stopped panicking…A small town girl ….with a small chicken heart!!

My Mami’s Brother-in-Law had come to pick me up. I reached home, freshened up….I was soooo happy to see my sister…again..

Engrossed in each other…we enjoyed a lot…Well…she was my GOLU after all !!!

Calls from office kept on blasting my head off…But then I was audacious enough to switch off my cell phone and take 2 days leave…

A day we spent at their place hardly doing anything and…just punching each other as soft-toys….rolling on with laughter and basking in the warmth that childhood sometimes offers  J

…Seemed as if this Happiness would just never end…. J

But then..moments tick away….and they do that really fast ..

We had to spend the second day of my leave at my place …and they were to leave the very next day… L

 Early in the morning at 5:30 again “somebody” ….woke us up…Golu and I were cuddling together in a velvet blanket and the very idea of having to leave behind this bliss was terrorizing…

What on earth makes those ”somebodys” awaken us at this weird hour when we are not supposed to be leaving the place before 9….??!!??

OOOO my god!!! Yet another Long Chain of emotions…for a long chain of SOMEBODYs…

MY MOTHER’S…BROTHER’S…WIFE’S….SISTER’S….FATHER-IN-LAW..was returning back to Orissa and we were supposed to wake up and say him a ‘sweet’ good bye…!!!

I could not express my discontent at being commanded to leave the bed..because I had always pretended to be ‘The Nice Girl’…but somehow irritation was simmering within ..as I sat there completely..glum…

 Everybody was happily chatting with him…but suddenly the old man realized that he could not trace me…. I was too silent to be myself J… and so he asked “Where’s Raina??”…

I don’t know….but I must admit..”THAT SOMEBODY”…had just spoken SOMETHING that stirred me from within…

….Two days had passed pretty swiftly….

He chose to be a silent old man and I chose to be the bubbly brat..!..

… I hadn’t bothered to speak a kind word to him  since the day I had come and touched his feet…as a mark of greeting…

Yes .. I must admit my Mum could inculcate the culture…but I guess…I could not assimilate it well….

Immediately after that, we defined our boundaries..He took the Common Sitting room and we confined ourselves to the bedroom…..We never spoke…

 ..And all of a sudden he called out my name..utterly strange..for an Old man of 70 to remember it…. and even stranger to acknowledge the my presence..at such a moment…

A quick question sprang up in my Conscience…

Wasn’t I the “SOMEBODY”…this time..??

…even before dawn had set in, I had seen him tip-toe through the balcony door..careful enough not to wake us up…straight … to the Tulsi plant..in a wet dhoti to offer his prayers….

my eyes were half closed then..or Perhaps..was I completely blind..??

 A tinge of respect for this old man…seeped into me….as I spoke to myself…I would no longer term him “SOMEBODY”…

 ….Now back from the self talk world..

I presumed my sweet self….and said that…”Aja were you looking for me?”

He then walked towards me and my sister and handed us each a crumpled 100 rupee note….

Speechless as I was …I noticed Payal holding a similar note…She was his own grand-daughter…

 I felt as if… I would choke … guilt piercing me from within….I tried dusting it off my body…but stubborn as it was….it stayed on…

  …Perhaps they realize the essence of life…

 Perhaps they know…Life is not just a Rat race to be won…there’s more to it…

And even if it’s one….then it’s okay to halt down….take time to gobble down the bait…… be caught in the mouse-trap….sometimes…

Because who knows!!?? ..how real is the bait and how mythical is the “real cheese”???!!!

 Anyways…

Today when I manage to earn a fair salary….the hundred rupee note should have felt humble on my palms….but then…”SOMEBODY…”..SOMEBODY special….has humbled my heart instead…. taught me the value of regard and appreciation towards life…the joy of sharing my life with millions of SOMEBODYs around me….the delight on touching their lives in a million miniscule ways…as they  have touched mine…

So..then when I would look down from heaven..I can give my best grin and say..”Look !!….people down there still say….there was SOMEBODY…who never forgot to smile…and… she was SOMEBODY …somebody really special….”