Tag Archives: Hindi

~ हिचकियाँ ~


बड़े दिनों बाद हिचकियाँ आयी हैं आज,

ऐसा लगा मानो किसी ने ,
“Miss You too” कहा हो। ..
 
सड़क पे गोल -गप्पे खाते हुए,
बारिश की पानी पर छप -छपाते हुए ,
इक पुरानी अधूरी कविता को पूरा करते हुए,
गुरुद्वारे में सूजी का हलवा खाते हुए ।
 
हिचकियों ने आज मुझे कुछ याद दिलाया।
या फ़िर , “तुम आज भी भूली नहीं !”
इसका एहसास कराया।
 
पड़ोस के बच्चों से बच्चा बनकर खेलते हुए ,
बाज़ार में भिंडी का मोल- भाव करते हुए
सुबह नींद से जगकर मुँह धोते हुए,
खाली शीशे में कहीं तुम्हें ढूँढ़ते हुए…
 
पिक्चर देखते – देखते बेवजह हँसते हुए
ऑफिस के लिए क्या पहनूँ ये चुनते हुए ,
 
आरती की थाली में अगरबत्ती जलाते हुए
रात को तकिये पर दो बूँद टपकाते हुए….
 
बताओ !
मेरी हिचकियों से यहाँ ,
तुम्हे वहाँ हिचकियाँ तो नहीं आयी थी ?
 
आज वक़्त के सूनेपन को,
मेरी हिचकियों ने भरा
शायद तुमने मुझे,
कहीं याद किया हो ज़रा !
कमबख़्त ये हिचकियाँ भी बड़ी ज़िद्दी होती हैं !
ये हिचकियाँ मानती नहीं कोई दूरियाँ।
ये हिचकियाँ समझती नहीं मजबूरियाँ !
 
इन हिचकियों से थक कर
शाम को घर लौटकर,
तुम उधर अपने घर की घंटी बजाते हो,
मैं इधर अपने घर का ताला खोलती हूँ। …
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माफ़ी ~ Forgiveness


सरे आम जो बदनाम करते हो,
फ़िर माफ़ी क्यों छिपकर मांगते हो?
जाने ऐसी कौनसी ,
किससे छिपाने वाली बात हो गयी ?

इतनी बेदर्दी से जो दर्द दिया,
मेरी नफ़रत भी तुमसे खफ़ा हो गयी .

अब रूठी तो नहीं हूँ, ये पूछते हो.
क्यों तुमसे रूठूँ, ये सोचते हो.
हाँ. जब अनजाने थे, तो बात अलग थी.
अब तो जान बूझ कर बेगाने हुए.

तुमसे भला अब क्या शिक़वा  गिला,
वो तो तब था, जब तुम अपने थे.

वो स्नेह पर जो कीचड की छीटें पड़ीं,
मेरी आँखों से टपक कर सारी धुल गयीं .

बेदाग़ है अब जो दामन तुम्हारा,
तुम मेरी परवाह न करो.
मेरी माफ़ी बेहिसाब है.

ख़ुले आम ही नफ़रत कर लेते,
क्यों छिप कर ये वार किया?
वैसे भी ! मेरी सज़ा से कब तुम डरे हो !
जो अपनी नफ़रत जताने में इतना वक़्त लिया !

जाने ऐसी कौनसी
किससे छिपाने वाली बात हो गयी.
इतनी बेदर्दी से जो दर्द दिया,
मेरी नफ़रत भी तुमसे खफ़ा हो गयी…

 

कुछ ज़्यादा ही !


कुछ ज़्यादा ही दे दिया.
बिन मांगे, बिन कहे
कुछ ज़्यादा ही जुड़ लिया

अब फिर गुस्सा सा आता है,
कि तुमको इसकी कद्र नहीं,
क्या पता शायद
इसकी ख़बर ही नहीँ.

बिन माँगे न सही,
ज़रा पुछा हुआ सा,
मेरे प्यार का हिस्सा तो मिले,
फिर कैसे न रखूँ मैं,
ये ज़रा से शिकवे गिले !

जो तुम्हारा था सब,
उसे भी अपना कर बैठ गयी.
अब तुम जो माँग रहे हो वापिस ,
क्या कहूँ! उसे कहाँ कहाँ समेट गयी !

और जो मेरा था,
वो भी तो दे दिया.
बिन मांगे तुमने,
मेरा सब कुछ तोह ले लिया!

अब क्या लिया मुझसे,
खबर नहीं जो तुम्हे इसकी,
वापिस क्या माँगू तुमसे उन चीज़ों को,
मोल भाव ही नहीं जिसकी.

बेफ़िक्र, बेज़िक्र- अब तुम जो चल दिए.
गुस्सा अब खुद पर आता है.
मैंने क्यों तुमसे वह वादे निभाए,
जो शायद तुमने कभी नहीं किये.
कमीज़ के बटन की तरह
तुम टूट कर जो आज़ाद हुए,
न जाने, कुछ धागे मुझपर
अब भी अड़कर रह गए !

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PS: Trying my hand on Hindi again. An ode to all those who silently give and silently expect the love in return as well. After all it is called ‘Being Human’ whose love is often Unrequited Love 🙂

): हँसी (:


लोग पूछते हैं मुझसे,
“तुम इतना कैसे मुस्कुरा पाती हो ?
तुम झूठी हो जो
खोखली हँसी हमें दिखती हो!”

परवाह मेरी मुहसे भी
ज़्यादा करते हैं!
लोग मेरी हँसी से
काफ़ी डरते हैं !!

परवाह उन्हें ये नहीं,
कि वो खुश क्यों नहीं ।
फ़िक्र बड़ी इस बात की,
कि मैं मायूस क्यों नहीं ?!?

खुश जब मैं काफ़ी होती हूँ ,
उस दोपहर फ़िर काफ़ी रोती हूँ।

नज़र जो लगती है मेरी हँसी को,
ज़माने की ।
क्या करूँ ! मेरी फ़ितरत में नहीं
हँसी छिपाने की ।

हँसती रहूंगी मैं ,
चाहे कितनी भी खोखली क्यों न हो।
दो ऑंसू ही टपक जाएं,
ज़ख्म कितनी भी गहरी क्यों न हो।

रोते हुए जो आई थी,
हँसते चेहरे दिख गए थे।
हँसते हुए जो जाऊँगी,
दुनिया रोती रह जाएगी …

शायद। …. शायद ?

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Happy Independence day to MEEE!!


If you think you are going to find something about …”How India struggled to get its Freedom?…How efficiently have we been handling our precious Independence?…Have we flourished enough building Valuables..or building up  Values?…Have we been true to our state all this while..or have we made corruption as a core option??….Have we made Commonwealth bring pride to India or have we made Commonwealth the wealth exploited from common  people…..

Then …..I must Say SORRY…..!!!

Having made you read all this long…I want to admit I don’t know what’s happening in India…because I don’t know what has happened to me and why…So I remind you…on reading this you are not going to acquire the snapshot of India and its 63 years of Independence…But you may continue with your own fancy… 🙂

We had our Independence Day celebrations in Office…and it being India’s Premium Research organization… having the Minister for Science and Technology as its Vice President and Prime Minster as its President…we were expected to put up a great show…

Hot and humid as it was…I was getting confused whether I was nervous…or whether it was just everybody sweating profusely…as the ink from the papers I clung to… gradually began to fade away…

I had to compere the entire session… and sing … a solo and one in chorus…

It was just 40 mins that would suffice for all the show…as the Minister had to go…

So I began…the taste of Devnagri on my tongue and the melody of such pompous Hindi to my ears felt really great…I felt proud of myself… that I was doing all this …and that being presented to people  of such profile…

I would not say I did a commendable job…but yeah neither did the microphones….

But then filling in my eyes with the sight of a Minister who had graduated from Berkley …a highly Qualified Director General….. (all the while smiling at me)…and three top notch IAS officers…I said to myself…whether great..good or groggy..I would have to do it..because if I didn’t then nobody else would…. 🙂

And I held on…..

Well first time in the 11 months…we were presented with a Certificate of Appreciation by the Minister…He whispered in a fraction of a second…You are running the entire Show?!…GOOD!…you sang well too…”

I couldn’t even smile back….had to run for compering the next event !! 😀 😦

So came the end…and the numbers dwindled away…I stood there confused as everybody gave their share of opinion…on what it was and what else it could have been…

The very people that I work in close association with said…It was too long…it lacked vibrance …It was too sad… you didn’t look glad…it was melodious but a bit too tad!!

In short BAD!! 😦

I knew it wasn’t so…as a bunch of people complimented me on how gracefully I had done Lataji’s  ‘Aye Mere watan k logo’..it being such a difficult song…some were really impressed at the way I compered and the contents of my script….some said I looked confident …and so on… 🙂

Well can’t say I wasn’t disheartened with the way people could play such great critics without ever caring for the other person’s feelings…I simply stood there gulping each word in…

The saddest part was people who said so were all those whom I face each day of the 7 day working week we have here…who knew how I was dragged to the office at 9 and came back home all withered and spent at 8…with the humongous task of compering in Hindi…last night…

I programmed myself to shield my sensitive heart…and told it…if it wasn’t worth appreciating…it wasn’t fair criticizing too…So my stupid heart just stop being so sensitive!!

We were taken to snack at the India International Centre to while away time as my boss didn’t have the keys to go back home…we were there..

On a call from Daddy…my heart again ailing …he was really down with a burning temperature for the past few days..He had come to Delhi..stayed at my place..washed all my clothes…stuffed my mouth with bread and Jam…as I typed an email for office…

On 14th He had a flight to catch up at 11:45 back home…and I had a meeting to attend at 10…So I had to leave him home with a hasty bye…to attend that really important meeting…

With the Dosa a few more words of analysis of Today’s show fought their way into me…as I remembered my Daddy…as I remembered how hard I had struggled last night…writing the script in Hindi ( ofcoz with tremendous help from one of my colleagues over the phone)..till 2 into the night…..

Who knows what worth it was !!

Then I decided what worth it actually was…hurrying through the dosa…

He said coffee for five to the waiter…and I yelled “ No a TEA for me please!!”…

I never was this happy sipping onto tea before…

Since Sept 15, 2009…I had loved the Coffee…I had loved the dosa…idly …and Upma too…I had loved to claim “YES SIR!!” as my favourite words…I had loved to see my puffy eyes doing both the horse and donkey stuff late into the night…I had loved to console myself…”a sincere try never fails…my work would certainly speak for me one day…yeah some day he would certainly utter my name first when he had ultimately remembered it…yeah someday I would make all of them happy……”     HUH!

But then I had forgotten…touching my pillow each night I should have atleast made one person happy in the day…either them..or me and that one person was certainly never them…and that one person certainly wasn’t me either!!

So…I sipped on delightedly as I formulated and engraved onto my mind…the decision of a long fought battle…

The glass doors of the IIC…shut behind us…stepping onto the sun…I gaped madly at the laal Batti on  Sir’s vehicle…as if seeing it for the first time…I smiled a smile…a smile that swung me off and onto my dream… 😀 🙂

I said to God…will you give me that one??….although Red’s never been my favourite colour…And Pink is what I like most….. But I would love to have this one in red….!!!! 😛

I sighed..some things/people have their value recognized…only when we come to know we can never have them again… But then…… SO BE IT!!

Got down from the car..there was an assortment of kids…all sizes, shapes and colours available…trying hard to put up an Independence day show for the Apartment residents…

Parents were lined up in the scorching sun…

I had nothing to do…Nothing here in Delhi..No Friends..no family..no kids (ofcoz) 😛 !!

So I stayed back..clicking on the camera..absent mindedly…

I could see kids perform…their eyes searching for their maa on the stage…mothers more anxious than their performer kids…

I could see children running back to their parents…who would then proudly say..how great their performance was…how sweet her voice sounded..how smart he seemed while he danced….

Which if one fairly judged was partly true and partly not….But for parents there is never any partly ….they are just entirely..entirely for their kids.. 🙂

I was reminded of school…of my Mommy who would dress me so aptly for each and every performance that I did….how she would drop me anywhere and everywhere I wished for with her zooming black Kinetic Honda…how she would yell at Daddy who was too shy to tear the crowd and step to the front for clicking my pic while I performed….

I missed them madly…tears flowed down my cheek…I had been yelling at my Stupid heart for being so touchy feely since the morning….I had calmed it down too…But these memories just broke me down beyond repair…

Suddenly the job…the life here seemed meaningless…

I opened the keys into my flat…the past 11 months had made me forget myself…my family… as if I had locked myself up and thrown away the keys…

I had forgotten how I hate to be so lonely…How I should miss home more often…so that I don’t miss life… and How I should respect my likes and dislikes as much as I did so for others…

I had almost forgotten…”How much I had loved to be myself…before…Before I earned this fat salary…”

While at school…money never filled my pockets…but Individuality and self respect filled my soul…

Having struggled in Delhi alone for the past 11 months had given me an illusion of Independence…of freedom…But I had never realized what a poor miserable slave I had become..trying to please those who were not even my own…how I had curbed my freedom…  my dreams….for the sake of others…..Shame on me!

Now I have all that money and all that money can buy…But I just couldn’t buy the ability to dream…the pride in being myselffree…fragile yet fearless!!

This Independence Day…I will buy myself some freedom..Shop for some expensive dreams…. that when I keep in my wallet will not let me sleep for the fear of being lost….and I would hold them dear…

I would give myself some Independence to be the one I have always been . This Independence Day….I would make myself realize how Independent I actually should be!!

I laughed to myself…as I unlocked the door…I will unlock myself today too! 🙂

I promise Daddy…I would get that one for you…I hope you don’t mind red..as you have always been colour blind!!

I promise Mommy….I would never grossly deviate from the way you had manufactured me Fragile…yet Fearless!!… 😛

I promise myself….I would never ever love the Coffee again… 😛

Hey!! Happy Independence day to MEEEEE…!!