Tag Archives: home sick

When winds of change gallop


Taking out only the necessary fingers from inside the blanket, I refuse to come out of hibernation. A severe head ache bangs in my head with too many thoughts struggling to prioritize themselves. A call from a girl I have never seen, never met, never loved, never hated…wakes me up. Why do Residues of relations that come and go out of your life like a boomerang, refuse to fade into oblivion, refuse to die off??

It amazes me how and why we  remember people sometimes. How and why we pretend to forget some and How and why we wish we could ever forget some others…

I look at the beams of sunlight coming from the asbestos roof over me. I am amazed at how grumpy I can be when the pillow seems not too soft at home and how when alone I can curl up to battle the cold on a bed that’s exactly fits me…

There was a day when  I was scared of change. There came a day when I made up my mind to play all those games I was scared of . There came this day when all I know is change: Change myself, Camouflage sometimes and Cast off those myriad masks sometimes…

Because  I know you won’t change for me.

So I put up those colored glasses and see you as I wish to see you.

In the concrete closet I am in, waiting for a gift to come soon, I stop counting   hours… realizing that life is a long wait. A mysterious force within gives me inconceivable faith that this is the ultimate trial before the triumph.

There are no Do’s and Dont’s here. But some instructions are implicit. I know I cannot sing here and whispering on the phone inside the blanket, careful enough that I don’t make too much noise makes me go crazy sometimes. And the wonderful washroom perfectly fits me…I can never slip off and fall in it as I usually did before 🙂

Life offers its share of Laughter and Lynches when you least expect it to.

Well … My dream of being a silent, sober missy is finally being answered. 😛

But as I attempt to hum my favourite song…my lips fumble and the tune is lost…I am scared that I might lose my voice some day soon…

I stare at the ‘bird in the cage’, the only fancy thing that hangs on from the roof. Rolling on with time, I rolled off all those things that could be categorized as unnecessary into large cartons that were taped shut forever. The only thing that was somehow  left out was this.

I am reminded of the times when wind chimes would hum into my ears with the rain, with the breeze. But when winds of change gallop… chimes have made way for the cage here.

Once the bells in the wind chime struggled to stay still when the breeze would tickle them at length… and today the bird in the cage struggles to flutter, if only there would be a breeze…

There are so many firsts that take us back in life, that we are bound to deal with such grace as if we have been doing that all through. If we clench our fist, we get a fist in turn. But if we open up our palm, time tugs at our finger and shows us the way…

I Hope.

Advertisements