Tag Archives: hope

The Oyster fought the Ocean.


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Thrown to the shores, the sands and the slipper marks of people- the oyster struggles to get back to the sea. It is flung to the rocks again and again, again and again…slapped by the tides.

With the shell the oyster shows them, the rocks think it doesn’t hurt the oyster- the oyster is hard. But little do they know, the oyster has a soul that can melt at the slightest of sands, sun and suffering.
But the oyster hides it soul so soft with a shell so tough. Because it knows the world doesn’t pity the meek, it pains them. The world gains nothing, nothing but sinful succour.

The oyester is tired, wants to stop this fight, give up and sit back on the beach.
But it wont. Because it knows, either way it can’t survive.
It is fated for the sea, or fated to die striving to reach the sea.

In the fight between the ocean and the oyster, between fate and the fated, luck and the last struggles, an intruder breaks in…

It slips into the oyster’s shell, an intruder who cannot be expelled.

The parasite knows and the oyster knows too.
In the end, only one would survive- either an empty shell of a dead oyster and a triumphant parasite; or a pearl, shining gratitude towards its soft creator.

With time the oyster transforms the parasite into an object of admiration from an object of abject dislike- into a pearl drop.

But to do this the oyster has to survive the attempts of murder by this enemy hiding within its own soul.
It had won over the waves, shelling itself hard. The waves, the ocean were the enemy outside.
But it has to win over the parasite too, the enemy within. It cannot shell now, this enemy has holed into its soft soul.
It might have been soft, but it has to be strong now.
And Sometimes soft can be strong too…

It is a tussle between strength and intent,
between malice and benevolence,
between traitor and the truth.

And the bet is, the one who would win over the other would survive and transform the other.
Transform beyond thoughts into someone whom the world will love, into someone who would love thyself too…

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A pearl drop is born. A parasite has died.
The weary oyster ogles at the ocean, knowing it has survived.

Intent wins over strength,
Benevolence over malice,
Truth over the traitor.

The oyster returns to the sea,unknown, anonymous.
The pearl is treasured, adored, famous.

The Ocean fought the Oyster.
The Pearl won.

THE LOSER?


When someone has nothing to lose, she becomes capable of everything to gain. So the world should beware and watchout, whether what it wants to snatch out is already snatched away.
Robbing a soul of its last morsel of hope, has the capability of creating a shadow that does not fear light, a silhouette that does not fear night.
Just when the world thinks it has taken all,
made you powerless,
bent you to your knees-
It sees!

It has not made you powerless.
It has made you fearless.
Fearless- of even losing fear…

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Who decides whether power overpowers fear or fear threatens power?
Who decides who is the loser?
Who decides whether there ever was anything to lose?
Yes the Loser, who will never lose again…

To The God Anonymous


There are millions of moments in  life when you are forced to look back, instead of looking forward with a vision. And those are the times when you are made to look beyond — beyond yourself, beyond how the world sees you, beyond success, beyond failures.
Those are the times when your faith is put to test.

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It is the test of your God and not your own.

In your heart beats you are very much aware that you have asked for the comfort of palaces to a God who chose vanavaasa himself, lost kingdoms, lost his wife, sacrificed his children, wealth and well-being.
You pray for the fragrance of the roses to a Lord who was made to die on a bed of thorns by the very people whom He loved.
You ask for victory,ecstasy, and gifts to a Lord, who chose for himself thorns,sorrows and grief.

Yet you pray. Yet you put your God to test- time and again.

Being God, he has the liberty to act being deaf, the power to deny. But he doesn’t. He complies.

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Having lost the most precious dream I ever dreamt, no doubt I am notably shaken, but not beyond repair though.

Today, I am asked for something which I donot possess myself.
I am begged for something which I am robbed of right now.
I am forced to lend something which I have borrowed from the world myself- Courage, Hope, Smile.

But Just like the Lord I pray- I shall comply.

I am happy that years of prayers have taught me- “Wealth and Well-being are ephemeral.Wisdom is eternal.”
In the quest for wisdom you would be forced to part ways with wealth and well-being, with excruciating pain.
And ironically when you need them no more, when you have mastered the art of living with wisdom and wisdom alone, when you have excelled the trick of sleeping on a bed of thorns…you would be offered with infinite wealth, infinite well-being.

But this wisdom eludes me more often that not. I am sad to choose between the three. I am tempted to have them all

I have failed miserably today, not because I have failed. But because, I have failed to stand up again and try.

I have heard people say, ” A real winner is one who is moved by victory with humility but unmoved by downfall in striking back again.

It would be a crime to deny that I was unmoved by a hopeful triumph then and this dreadful defeat now.
I am moved- to question my prayers, to bully my faith.

I ask my God. I ask myself. “why do I pray?”
The God doesn’t answer my question. Prayers do.

You pray not because you need something from the Almighty. And you turn your back not because you were made to return empty-handed.
You pray because, You want to pray.
That is the only choice you ever have.

If not, then it is like complimenting somebody for their good looks just because you want them to say, you look amazing too.

So You Pray because you want to heal yourself.

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Even when heaven falls apart some truths hold to be true.
Your parents can sacrifice anything for you.
Your grandparents would never say, but your sorrow shatters them more than it shatters you.
Your Teacher will consider himself victorious, if you outrun him in the race of life.
And you will be your worst enemy and your best friend for all life through.

But each one of them, you fully acknowledge, with all their strengths and shortcomings.

If I am hungry for a hug, I shall go to Mummy.
If I donot recall a physics formula, I will run to Daddy.
If I am in dire need of a piece of hope, I will ransack my own brave heart.

But then there are so many things in life which I need and nobody else I know in this world can give me…
And funnily enough there are so many moments in life, when I don’t know what I actually need.

In the quagmire of what I need?whom to ask for?where to look for?… I think of Him.
The one person who doesnot have a face; who doesnot have a resume of role-profiles, capabilities and shortcomings; who doesn’t have an address where I can appeal.

And so it is the easiest to assume– He is in every face. He is capable of doing everything. He exists everywhere.

I cannot afford to be hopeless today. I cannot afford to be a cynic tomorrow.
There is always a specific somebody for every specific desire. All I need to do is seek. Find.
And there are so many wishes, wills and whims in my heart today, that need to be fulfilled. People suffice for most, He for the rest.

Can I ever be an atheist then?
The Love for myself makes me believe in Loving Him.
And I pray.

ANGEL

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You are scared- of Darkness and of Light.
You are scared of the Darkness because you do not know what it holds.
You are scared of the Light too. Because you know, it doesn’t hold what you need.

In the dark whether you open or close your eyes- it hardly matters. It is Dark. You are blind.
But you want to open your eyes anyhow, step out of the Dark, and turn on the lights.
But the brilliance of the rays splinter and hurt your sight. And you close your eyes again…

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So did you wish to open or close your eyes?
In life, it hardly matters what you wished.

It is then that you realize,how darkness can brighten into light and Light blind you into darkness…
How it actually doesn’t matter whether you open or close your eyes- because you always see what you want to see. And you can always see what you want to see.

You can see Faith. You can see Hope. You can see your prayers reaching Him.

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TO THE GOD ANONYMOUS!

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I would like to convey a few things.

You have returned me empty handed. But you returned me with a filled heart.
You have shown me how my hands would be filled with your gifts someday, but my heart would never be. Silly thing! It always longs for more.
But then I like it to be that way! I shall compensate my greed with my faith on you.

And yes! Is there such a dear victory that cannot move a man in delight and is there such a disastrous defeat which cannot move a man in plight?
Is there any such thing as ‘unmoved‘ at all?
And is there anyone other than you who remains unmoved?? Despite a million prayers. Despite a trillion tears.

I guess not.

I cannot promise to remain unmoved ever.
You move me with ecstasy with the magics you show.
You move me with pain with the tricks you play.
I am very much moved by you.

And I guess it is better not trying to swap roles with you.
You play God and I shall play myself.

Sometimes I feel pity on you. How more often, you are scoffed at than being thanked!
But It was you who chose to play God and not me.

Please do not forget– You may love to sleep on the thorns, but I prefer the roses.

Thank you God- for all that you have given.
But of course you would never be forgiven for what you haven’t given.

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Nights of nothingness…


I cannot hear.
There are tears.
On the pillow.
Inside my ear-phones.

The same songs play again and again.
They are Korean and I don’t understand them.
So I choose to hear them now.

Inside my head like a typhoon, Thoughts rush.
Fears grip me, tears gush.

I thought I was Hollow. Empty.
But the tears had filled me all this while.

I stuff my pillow into my mouth and Scream.
My body aches.
The soul weeps.

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The ceiling fan goes on.
And I stop.

I wish I hadn’t spoken up all that I said.
You thought I talk too much.
I wish I had spoken up just once for myself and told you how it hurts.
You thought I was being cruelly silent.

Today,
I want to sleep.
Tomorrow,
I want to wake up from a sleep.

I want to sweat my eye brows.
I don’t want to wet my eyes.

I want to work hard like a maniac.
I want to pray on bended knees.
I want to possess peace.
I want to smile on the way.
I want to cry on the victory stump.
I want to Believe.

But when faith shatters.
It hurts. It pains.
Everything real seems sinfully surreal.

I want to be different from who I have been.
I want to be indifferent to all that I have known-
Past, People, Pain.

I jump from the feigned sleep.
Tears on my pillow, in my hair,
in my ears, in my fears.
In my throat,
I choke.

I switch on the lights.
I gaze at the mirror.

Black rings encircling my eyes.
Somber, Silent , Scared eyes.

I shoo away my ghost,
I row my hair slowly like a river.
The waves seem soft.
while the world has hardened.

I put on the glasses over the tears.
but they haven’t helped me see through truth.

Forgive! My heart says!
Forgive yourself. Forgive them.

I grab the Lord’s picture on my table.
I cry.
I pray.
I bathe him with my tears.

I pick up my pen,
The words don’t flow.
There is silence in the ink

I write-
One more day of doing nothing.
One more day of being nothing.”

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When winds of change gallop


Taking out only the necessary fingers from inside the blanket, I refuse to come out of hibernation. A severe head ache bangs in my head with too many thoughts struggling to prioritize themselves. A call from a girl I have never seen, never met, never loved, never hated…wakes me up. Why do Residues of relations that come and go out of your life like a boomerang, refuse to fade into oblivion, refuse to die off??

It amazes me how and why we  remember people sometimes. How and why we pretend to forget some and How and why we wish we could ever forget some others…

I look at the beams of sunlight coming from the asbestos roof over me. I am amazed at how grumpy I can be when the pillow seems not too soft at home and how when alone I can curl up to battle the cold on a bed that’s exactly fits me…

There was a day when  I was scared of change. There came a day when I made up my mind to play all those games I was scared of . There came this day when all I know is change: Change myself, Camouflage sometimes and Cast off those myriad masks sometimes…

Because  I know you won’t change for me.

So I put up those colored glasses and see you as I wish to see you.

In the concrete closet I am in, waiting for a gift to come soon, I stop counting   hours… realizing that life is a long wait. A mysterious force within gives me inconceivable faith that this is the ultimate trial before the triumph.

There are no Do’s and Dont’s here. But some instructions are implicit. I know I cannot sing here and whispering on the phone inside the blanket, careful enough that I don’t make too much noise makes me go crazy sometimes. And the wonderful washroom perfectly fits me…I can never slip off and fall in it as I usually did before 🙂

Life offers its share of Laughter and Lynches when you least expect it to.

Well … My dream of being a silent, sober missy is finally being answered. 😛

But as I attempt to hum my favourite song…my lips fumble and the tune is lost…I am scared that I might lose my voice some day soon…

I stare at the ‘bird in the cage’, the only fancy thing that hangs on from the roof. Rolling on with time, I rolled off all those things that could be categorized as unnecessary into large cartons that were taped shut forever. The only thing that was somehow  left out was this.

I am reminded of the times when wind chimes would hum into my ears with the rain, with the breeze. But when winds of change gallop… chimes have made way for the cage here.

Once the bells in the wind chime struggled to stay still when the breeze would tickle them at length… and today the bird in the cage struggles to flutter, if only there would be a breeze…

There are so many firsts that take us back in life, that we are bound to deal with such grace as if we have been doing that all through. If we clench our fist, we get a fist in turn. But if we open up our palm, time tugs at our finger and shows us the way…

I Hope.