Tag Archives: humor

Rounded. GrounDead!


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Yak upon a Yak!

The Post is dedicated to my Dear Chubby Hubby!
Celebrating 2years of Togetherness and 20 years of broken promises that you will lose weight ‘soon’.
“All the characters, incidents and places in this Picture-Post are purely fictitious personal and real. Resemblance to any person living ( and not-dead-if-he-loses-weight) or any incident or place is purely coincidental intended.”

The thoughts from the wild brain of Dr.Sahib have been stolen by me for your Entertainment. Laugh at us and Laugh with us! 😀

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Round- the Universal Shape.
She won’t understand,
a woman so naive!

Bun on her head.
Bun like a bread.

Planets in space.
Her moon-shaped face.

Bindi between the bride’s brows.
her bangles- red, green and rose.

Roti rotund.
silk worm cocooned.

Raindrops from the sky.
Football flying high.

Eggs and Potatoes and tomatoes too.
Hippos and Elephants in the Zoo.

Jingling coins in Papa’s Pocket,
Pin holes of an electric socket.

Wheels of a whamming truck.
And our cyclic luck!
That fails and fails,
and up again rises.
Life is full of mystery and surprises!!

You never can tell,
when you think you are a ZERO.
The world may hail you,
and make you a HERO.

A Zero before is a worthless round.
A Zero after can be a million pound.

Mathematics and Physics what could they be?
hadn’t they found ‘The Round’!
But She wouldn’t admit my significance,
and barks like a maniac hound! 😦

Centripetal force acts on the centre of the round.
the Benzene ring was a circle since its found.

The Decimal also a tiny dot.
The “O” in English,
when I say, I lOve her a lOt!! 😛

So!!
What if I’m a Round as well?
Why mock and boo and break the hell!

I don’t diet or gym,
or count calorie.
Because Round is the Shape,
Where in lies the Glory!! 😀

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If Ignorance is Bliss. It has to be This!


In a country like India, a Twenty Point program is a sine qua non for all planning and ‘Pursuit of Happiness’. So when today I suddenly noticed how unhappy I was with my awful awesome Life, it struck me to have my Twenty point program as well.

Being a twenty-nothing myself, I jotted down some of the ‘facts’ I believe to be true.
And I would be utterly obliged if you did too. 😀

Because howsoever it may be a cliche,
I can’t deny that Ignorance is Bliss! 😉
So in search for that peace,
I started off this piece…

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1. I am unemployed By choice and not by compulsion. I am a Software Engineer with hardwired intent to master in Humanities. Hence a Post Graduate in Human Rights Law and a Post graduate in Sociology too. I am just a PhD away from teaching at Oxford 😛
This is frictional unemployment. Even globalization couldn’t  find me a suitable role profile to match my excellently erratic back ground! Shame on it!

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2. I have always worked hard. All that I have achieved is a direct consequence of it. All that I have not- Blame it on my Luck.

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3. I am not a cry baby. Courageous people reflect their true emotions. I am courageous to cry 24×7, without worrying about your tolerance levels.

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4. I am not fat plump. I am healthy. But If you are not convinced, you  should know..My clothes shrunk, I didn’t expand.

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5. If you still think I did! My recent increase in diameter and circumference are directly proportional to my dedication for my Husband. He cannot lose weight, so I am catching up. Indian women are epitomes of sacrifice.

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6.My husband is tall.
I don’t wear heels because they are bad for my back bone aaand I think Elephants are cuter than giraffes.

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7. I can buy clothes, cosmetics, shoes, bags, accessories… and the world. I am Rich.
But I don’t buy them. Not because the “housewife-allowance” is meager to me. But because I hate the culture of consumerism. 😛

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8.I am beautiful. I was born to feature in fairness lotion ads. But Hard work and  the Tropical Sun tanned my modelling prospects 😛

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9. I am a good cook. I like what I cook. And more importantly, I can eat what I cook. My husband eats in his office cafeteria because he is fond of fast-food more than his wife.
Sometimes I accidentally cook well mess up. It’s because while I cook, my MIL (Mother in Law) instructs, My SIL (Sister in law) OVERsees and like you know- too many cooks spoil the broth!

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10. I am not lazy.
But All I make is salad  and oats because- I like to eat healthy, Live longer. Also its the best way to censure unnecessary expenses and growing tumm
ies ( there are 5 of them, including mine)

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11. I am a master of all trades, jack of some more. Singing, writing, painting, gardening, cooking(under improvement),dancing(to my in-laws tunes)… I do it all!!
I am famous for nothing specific though, because I am yet to decide, which art I would like to be famous for.

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12. Especially, I am a prolific poet and a terrific author. But nobody reads my blog (inspite of zealous requests) because- Every successful artist is rejected a trillion times before being inducted into the Hall-of-Fame. I am no exception!

F.A.ME – Forever Away from ME! huh!!

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13. I cross the road with difficulty. But I can ride the scooter, drive the car, manoeuver the MiG and sail the ship.

I have the confidence. But so does my father. He is confident that it would turn out be an expensive affair. ( My last accident cost him Rs 25000— 5000 for an artificial tooth, 20000 for the braces. It was a scooter accident and the scale of damage was limited to one tooth. On a larger scale, with a larger vehicle and all of the 32 teeth… oops! perhaps I would rather agree than pay 32 x 5000 + 25000 !!!) 
Oh my God! I wish I were a dentist. They bite a hell lot of money on your bites! I might try pursuing that someday too 😉

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14. I am not slow- in reading, reacting, reflecting, reaching…
I finish 40 when you flag off 400 because- I am a perfectionist. I believe in quality, not quantity. Mind It!!!

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15. I am usually a silent, tacit person who doesn’t speak unless the need arises. It’s not my fault that the need arises so very often.

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16. I am an amicable soul. People don’t like me? It’s because they are Jealous! Now,who wouldn’t!! 😉 😛

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17. I am a little too angry, impatient, unpredictable and emotionally turbulent sometimes. But don’t you think it can be a Genetic disorder? Now that’s called Manufacturing defect! 😛

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18. Despite this my Parents love me more than Honey, their Pet dog.

(My nick name is Rocky and her’s is Honey. In India, 99/100 people assume, I am the Dog and  she’s the daughter! x-(  )

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19. I am not worried or desperate. This is just a prolooooonged bad phase.
After every dark winter comes a bright summer.
(and I would certainly be alive to witness it without being frozen to death! Hoorray!)
Until then I would wait and meditate.

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20. I am not Greedy. All I want is everything.
God!! Is it too much to ask for?

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Speak Less.Say More!


I had to write this anyway…Because someday soon I had to take an oath not to babble too much. That fortunate/ unfortunate day I think turned up today. No special turning point defined it though.But I had to pledge to stuff my stupid mouth shut. But then having shut my mouth I still need to babble and so I blog.

I suffer from a deadly disease called “Pressure of Speech”. You would notice it soon when having a one on one conversation with me. I speak. Then you speak. Then I speak again and you pause. But when you pause I begin analyzing…..why is she/he not speaking up…is she/he expecting me to speak up? Am I being rude or moody by staying mum….doesn’t it sound strange… this silence…..????!!” And there I go filling in the few seconds gap with my musical melody or honestly put…mentally sickening malady!

The point is I could have dreamt of becoming the President of India had my extremely efficient vocal system got some snag. The tongue toggles too often as it has to make some point at every point, however pointless the point  might be. Things get worse as I am a girl and that explains all.

So without beating around the bush and writing this junk above, all I wanted to say is…….

Rather all I SHOULD just say is , Today I pledged to myself, “SHUT UP PAMELA!!!”

From being an Agony Aunt to a Conscience Constable I would experience as many roles in the 24 hours of a day that even no Bollywood heroine would have played in the entire span of her career.

A friend’s friend’s friend had a break up with her ‘only’ Boyfriend…how could I stop myself from consoling?? Some have their too busy children with even busier grand children and have nothing to look forward to across the day….So shouldn’t I share a little laugh?? She got her first salary…he needs a little advice…She doesn’t know whom to confide in…He doesn’t know whom to say that to……SOOOO what?? THERE’S PAMELA 🙂

Smiling at a sea of faces or sulking at somebody’s sorrow I would be the Epitome of Empathy. Ofcourse I loved being “The Chosen One” …..but later It drove me crazy ….”Why ME??!!”

And of course my Mobile there would make me all the more immobile!!

With almost no time for myself I would crib about all those beautiful things that I could have filled into those 60 seconds of a precious minute, of the 24 long hours of an always short day for me…

But then their goodwill just worked wonders. I would be amazed at what life had to offer. But they would emerge just as the curtains would fall and then eyebrows would  be raised for an eternity.

I would stand ever confused, should I crib or should I celebrate??

Forget It!!

O Dear Lord! Who has time to think when one has no time to talk!

I’m vexed! Why do you need just a paragraph when I can pen down an entire Novel!  Huh….

So the point is being tacit puts you on so many vantage points. I would just pen down some sufficient seven.

1. They would never know how stupid you are. 😛 Just give an esoteric smile and seem saintly overflowing with wisdom. 🙂

2. Conserves Energy. Saves you from weight loss. (I have been unable to add on an extra kilo above 47 ever since my 9th class! ) But then even if you’re planning to shed fat, this still is a dangerous idea. 

3.You never forget what you MUST be saying.

4. People listen to at least some of it when you make some sense. ( I make too much sense and ultimately end up being nonsense!! 😦  )

5. You do not hurt your own ears. (Mine are perpetually damaged without respite)

6.NOTE (If you are a girl) : Even while bitching ….. u can still sound important!! your blah blah can make them go gaga…

7. The Less you Speak, the more you listen and the More you listen, the better speaker you ultimately become!! 😛  ( I guess that’s where all the problem started for me !)

So all  I wanted to Talk about was….. I should not be Talking at all!!!

So Do me a Favour Please!!!

Seal It!  TAPE IT!!

LOCK IT HARD!!

 OR PUNCH IT BAD!!

For God’s Sake!! JUST SEAL MY STUPID MOUTH SHUT! 

PS: It’s not entirely my fault. Heredity plays a major role as well. No offence to the wonderful and equally weird duo who decided to create a masterpiece but ended up doing disaster management. 🙂

Finally shutting up!!

The tale of a desperate blogger!


Well..this could be just a random post for most of you….so i warn you to proceed precariously if you have little time to spare….

but then  I need to boast and boast outrightly NOW to massage my long burrowed ego 😛 !!

N here I go…. 😀

Most  people read only as much in life as would enable them to keep in touch with the alphabets!!…(Sorry no offence people.. but yeah even i become so when it comes to my academic texts!!)…

In this world where time is money… something called books and blogs and that too of mere mortals like me, seem as interesting as buffaloes to most! 😦

Here …I have been writing for over an year now…and have been distributing my link like crazy sophomores do !! but to no avail…. 😦

A millinumber would bother to ever read that url 😦 ….a nanonumber would type it onto their keyboards ….a piconumber would be scared by the length of the articles and close it slam shut!….a femtonumber would read it with ‘remarkable endurance’  ….and ofcourse….the remaining….will drop in a generous COMMENT,  follow, vote or like my posts…and colour my plume!! huh!!! 😀 🙂

I wanna say thanx to all those..those last ones especially..who keep me going…:D

THANK YOU for your generosity!!!

apart from my family and needless to say my Sis Nickie ..my blog would be a forbidden jungle of words for the rest…..

AND this post of mine is dedicated to her for being such a cutie darling to me throughout my tough times!!

without an iota of encouragement from the real hard world that scrutinises you each moment of your life…i would question each of my motives…n each of my moves behind blogging…

“Do I blog to give a face to the ME in me….? Do I blog that people would say ..oooo you write awesome?…Do I blog, thinking that somebody ……in some corner of this damn big crazy world, will drop in a minute to tell me that an anonymous gal from a rustic corner of India matters to them…???? ” 😦

….errr….God knows what and what not!!

with each hour spent on one post…i would spend 2 hours waiting for a comment to drop in…refreshing the page each minute with the curiosity of a child…atlast giving up…ringing home and begging daddy and Golu (my Sis) to drop in a comment (without sometimes reading it if they donot have ample time!!) 😦

But then… Niki would always be my ardent follower..pour down her gracious words..full of praises on my blog…It would lift my sunken soul each time I was low…and I would certainly read and re-read her lines whenever I opened my blog…

The best part was she adored me and idolized whatever right or wrong I did…n would always openly declare how she was my Fan and would like to grow up into a “second Rocky nani” !!

Candidly i would confess that I love her chaste adulation!! 😛

So then one day she too started blogging (http://nickiesblog.wordpress.com) …I would share with her whatever little I knew about being a blogger..with the plain joy of being a naive blogger myself!

But then the trauma of waiting for an acknowledgement haunt her hard…as hard as it had haunt me too…

She had begun as a bubbly beginner…and soon blossomed into a budding author…  But then like me she wanted people to notice that she was no more the sleepy bud…the flower had bloomed…and It had to spread its fragrance….

Then there was this phase ..which may be every blogger goes through perhaps at least once….. withering from Passionate to Passive….

She continued while I took a sabbatical in october…sacrificing my passion for a long cherished dream….  Writing never ate my time…what ate it up was thinking about whether anybody would bother to read this post…if they would…will they like it…and the fantasies of featuring someday in the ” Best of Freshly Pressed posts of WordPress”….that of winning a Booker prize…and la…laaaa laaaaa….. 🙂 😀

then I thought..SO BE IT….I’m gonna have a siesta….I knew nobody was going to notice it anyway…jokes apart miss me!!

So the siesta transformed into slumber with the assured mannerisms of an employee who sleeps in his office with great confidence..knowing he would never be called upon for any work! 😛

But then she woke me up with her woes….  a mail from her splashed the water onto my face and while trying to open up her eyes…I managed to open up mine too…

I mailed her with high…hale…hearty words…and her unquestionable trust on me worked wonders…

She was happy…and continued..and as if to reinforce her trust on me her Fan following took on a killer spree!!..

It was then that I realized….we are all born great orators..only if we could become as passionate listeners as well!!

had I followed a speck of what I had advised her with such great a gusto…wouldn’t I have been as much happier??

I shook off my dormancy and blogged again…

this timed pretending to have become a zealous blogger..who blogs because she wants to blog….because she wants to give shape to her thoughts and give wings to her expressions….because she wants to rediscover herself being lost in the ocean of words….

Ofcourse…it made a difference…and I could feel it 🙂

comments flowed in ..not as much as Niki’s…but then certainly noticeable enough….

Mean while I discovered something called a FlagCounter to show the number of visitors to the blog…against their respective National flags… 🙂

and then one fine day…while I waited with bated breath to get just one more comment on my latest posts…..I got her mail…..

there were no comments on my blog…but the ecstasy of her mail was no less than perpetual delight.. 😀

I had never have been able to boast being a Glorious Big Blogger!!

But here I was puffed up in pride of being a Great Big Sister!! 🙂

Thanx to my Sweetheart…

Here goes her mail…..


I would read and reread her mail..each day until today..when I thought of bragging about it… 🙂

I can sense…how being acknowledged and cared for feels….as I wait with fingers crossed for my FlagCounter to increase each moment…!! 😛

It has robbed me off my sleep….and with eyes wide open I cook up ideas for my next post…the thirst for a little acknowledgement….. a generous comment, making me  desperately whisper ….”OOO dear just One more!!!…..”  

An Ode to a heavenly couple on earth!!


23rd June got to be a big day…because 25 years back in the year 1986  two strikingly different people made a strikingly same move… they strangled  each other with an alarming weapon of biological warfare…!! 😛

But if something great happened out of it…it was MY inception… 😛

The guy was crazy…could have discovered a “Satpathy’s 4th Law”….challenging the 3 that Newton had discovered ages back…!! but with due regards to Newton..he stopped ! Modesty has always been his ingrained virtue… 😛

The gal— nothing less than a pretty damsel,learnt to tackle the threads of his psyche physics and sew it into a romantic chemistry!!…

The bold Lass, learnt to master d ‘Home Science’…took d  bull by the horns…errr :P…and flipped the Head with the Tail (that follows her always)…and now she’s the HOD! (Head of my Daddy) 😛

He would fool her with all the sweet nothings in d world..

.”the Loreal and Lakmé don’t deserve to touch your lovely face my dear….

U are a marvel among God’s masterpieces…and u better not fool around with his design!!…

The gold..the silver and the diamonds appear like trinkets in your sapphire gaze…please don’t embarrass  them with your ruby red face..!!…

The silk, the brocade shy away from the sheen of your golden skin…why force them on dear??!!”  🙂  😀

And Lo!

She would gently abide..pretending to have believed every bit, making peace with the fact that she loved being fooled!!…and what a fool he was to have thought that God created Beauty…and beauty alone.. with no brains….!!

She would toss her part too…

She would know he forgets everything..

the taste…the smell…the day..the night…

But Nope! he would never ever have her out of sight…

Now it was her turn to fool him with all her might!! 😛

Some grass she would cook…

and give one damn enticing look…!! 😛

he would then relish it like the ambrosia from heaven…

reveling in her gaze from 7 till 7… 🙂 😛

Fooling each other and being delighted fools…

They would formulate their own LoVe RuLeS !!…

Yeah,,If Ignorance is bliss …

then it has to be THIS!!

hmmmm..a nice long song….:P 😛

and interestingly enough apart from sharing their lives..their souls…their breath with each other..they would also share the same Bday cake…!!

The whacky guy born on 26th of Jan and his ‘jaan’ on the 27th..they would merrily munch the same cake on the midnight of 26th…when the world slumped in slumber…and the 26th stealthily transformed into a 27th..as HE transformed into a SHE and a she into THEY…..:)

…..And Then someday… the guy and d gal got to have to have 2 kids…The kids were great…atleast not as crazy as them! 😛

But that would not suffice…They had a hobby of borrowing kids..be it the neighbour’s or the family’s…and just any size would do!!…

(NOTE: All characters in the pic below are real and true to the best of my knowledge..but the turnkey is… each one is borrowed and none is the biological offspring of the two !! :P)

….well then 25 silver years passed by…the fights would melt into laughter…the tears would transform into long serene beaches of tacit understandings…the sweat they put into the relation would sublime into estates of eternal bliss…..

and the story would go on….

their would be no ‘your family’..’my family’…

there would be no ‘you better understand that’…..

but there would be only ‘us’…’ours’ and ….

“we can brave all storms together… no matter what..”…

and the story would go on… and on..

the  sonnet would be unsung…

but they will never forget the tune….

Februaries will come and go….

but they would always celebrate the June…

This June, the Big day came and silently went by…There were no celebrations, no gifts , no parties…there were no kids..neither their own ..nor d borrowed ones…. 😛

Just that worrying about all the things in and around them ..they had no time to worry about something about them…

But they knew …very well knew..that love does not need any reason to celebrate…love does not need a date to glorify its existence…love does not need any pompous poem to weave a ballad…..

Love just knows… that it grows…and that it goes on…

” life is a celebration of togetherness…”

He knows that she knows…

and she knows that..even if she doesn’t know…she still knows…

….because he believes that she knows…..

…that there would come many such 25 years of togetherness…no greed of gold…no quest for platinum…nor appetite for any diamond…

JUST this silver….humble..modest and sublime….

Just this silver…humming the love ‘ lovely story’…of an ordinary two…

…….I remember…I and my sister, asking Mom..“.whom do you love most…? Dad or ME?…”  she would gently chuckle and say..” YOUR Dad”…because he gave me you,…. 🙂

….their  sonnet would be unsung…

but they will never forget the tune….

the Februaries will come and go….

but they would always celebrate the June… 🙂