Tag Archives: memories

If somehow it could be so…


Remember this Spring when I sang?
You seemed unimpressed as I nervously began…

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“You are the reason .
for the change of season.
for all the bliss blooming around…

How do I tell you?
How do I let you know?
In YOU what I found,

A Friend , a Soulmate.
And MYSELF…”

I asked you Why.
As you replied with a sigh,
“Your Name is the loveliest Song.
Your Voice, is the sweetest Symphony.
When YOU are my addiction,
How then could your Song be?”...

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But the Spring is gone.
And so is the Song.
The Autumn is yellowed,
A whitened winter is born.

And I reminisce your memories few…

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Like a drop of dew I grabbed onto,
lost forever, lost YOU.
Like a tune I hummed, right from the soul- warm and true.
Lost the song,  lost YOU.

I thought I would go on, having ‘just’ lost you.
Little did I know
that the lost forever was ME not YOU.

And I reminisce YOU…

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If somehow it could be so…
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know.

Somehow I loved you then.
Somehow I love you still.
Come what may,
but Love I will.

If somehow it could be so.
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know.

A million “bad-byes
but no “Final Farewell“.
No “beginning of an end
because Love leaves this trail…

This trail engraved in my soul,
swallowing me whole.
But just leaving that part with YOU,
That world could have snatched,
But luckily never knew.

If somehow it could be so.
I could Love you the way you do
and the world wouldn’t know…

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PS:
Inspired by the story of a girl I met on the train.
We love.
but more often than not, Love chooses to be unkind.
We part ways.
but more often than not we part ways with ourselves.
We go on.
but more often than not Love is seldom gone.
It remains.
with our immortal remains.

And We Reminisce…

PS: She would always love You.

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Under the Umbrella…


Just another day it was…certain things had decided to fall into place and certain things decided to make me fall…a certain some decided to give me  a tough fight…and a certain some gave me their indifference…

The rain menace had broken out in Delhi…and it had made me feel its soggy presence…with all the muddy thoughts and murky moments breaking into my never easy mind… wet emotions hanging onto my eyelids…all too heavy to stay and all to shy to dribble down…

I had firmed up my dream and had prepared myself to live it…believe it…

Alas!Bright beginnings also leave behind grim goodbyes… 😦

But then i feel…

…Good byes are not forever… & Good byes are not the end… They simply mean… I will miss you… Until we meet again… 🙂

So I shook off the droplets and prepared myself to say good bye.. 🙂

She came home from office and she called me up to drop in  a Hello…I decided I would cook for her…Ya Paneer Do pyaaza would be great… It had been quite a while that we had shared a meal together..certain things had taken their toll on us…a lot of cob webs had grown in…making us see each other….but then somehow be far apart…

We might have forgotten to share a hearty laugh…but we never forgot to share the moments that made our hearts moan… And may be that was something which kept us together… always running parallel to each other like railway tracks… 😀

With a last sprinkle of Kasoori Methi..the aroma of the paneer wafted straight into my hungry stomach..as I hadn’t eaten the entire day… She came home and we carried the kadhais and saucepans into her flat…

Then there was no holding back…we both munched on greedily…I felt happy that she liked my stuff…She always does that…and it’s people like her who make me feel like the Chef of Le’ Meridien! 😛

All the possible things under the sun were discussed..perhaps all the possible things under the moon…or the sky or the clouds..ooorrrr Whatever!!..

But it still wasn’t the end…

We always have taken a so called small stroll after every supper….so why not today??…

It was raining… she wanted to get wet…and me too…

As we set out splishing splashing in the apartment compound…the drizzle began to splish-splash a bit harder too….

Just a glance at each other..and we knew an Umbrella walk would be the best walk ever!!..

She had two umbrellas…we got them..and set out undeterred by the rain….

As the rain poured on..the conversation poured in tooo… 10/10/’10...was her birthday…and we set out chalking up plans that required all God’s mercy to materialize…. But sometimes its just so revelling to put up picture-perfect promises…cook up castles in air…even when you know..you ought to be kidding yourselves to make that true… 😛

But sometimes just being promised of peace and hope ushers in sooo much solace…that even fulfilled promises find hard to… 🙂

And all I knew was that..she knew...

Then there were lights beneath the Peepal tree, casting bizarre shadows on the wet concrete tiles…the smell of rain-& mud- & night… and of course a Nokia with a 3.2 Mega pixel camera….. What on earth could stop girls from launching a full fledged photo shoot!!! 😛

We took pictures of each other….less being captured in the cell and more of it into our hearts….

We had had our shares of ups and downs…but may be thats what gave us the eyes to see through each other..when I was down with darkness all around …I knew I could look up to her and when I would bask in the glory of my accomplished dream…I would know…deep down somewhere she would be happy for me…

A few determined drops had trickled down our sleeves…fighting their way through the Umbrellas…my feet were puffy and cold….but I didn’t feel wet…

Rather the drizzle had a soothing effect on me…As if it had cleansed me…from the fears that i had clung on to…washed me off from the notions that had been docked in my heart for an year now…. 😀

Freed from the drosses of my mind I felt united with myself… I had got back my kindergarten days when I had soo little of conceptions and none of the misconceptions… those days when I would soil my white sport shoes jumping into rain filled rivulets running along the road….making yucky faces at the earthworms…..Coming home and promptly lying to Mommy about how there was no space on the road to walk without being wet!! 😛

I let go of myself in the rain…

We repeated those never attempted promises that we had been prattling since September 2009…. Ya we would definitely go the Doll Museum..she had promised to take me there… and then there was a new Amusement park In Gurgaon…I would certainly take her there….

Jut having said so… felt indescribably great….we had lost sense of time….

At 10:00 we put an end to our Umbrella walk…

I left her at her place in the first floor…Good byes were a bit easy now….

I entered the elevator….pressed the 5 button and hummed a few lines from my perpetually poetic heart…. 😛

Let the drops cleanse my heart today.                                                   Let me rinse my soul.                                                                                     Let me pick fragments today.                                                                   Tomorrow let it take me whole.

OMG!! that was great!!…but then I was no Shakespeare ???!! ….Sooooo I shook off the couplet and yelled at the top of my lungs!!!

UNDER THE PINK UMBRELLA….                                                                 GO ROLLY AND PAMELAAA…!!! 😛

UNDER THE PINK UMBRELLA….OOO llllaa laaa!
THERE THEY GO ROLLY & PAMELLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!

lllllaaaa laaaa laaaaaa !!!!! 😛


Happy Independence day to MEEE!!


If you think you are going to find something about …”How India struggled to get its Freedom?…How efficiently have we been handling our precious Independence?…Have we flourished enough building Valuables..or building up  Values?…Have we been true to our state all this while..or have we made corruption as a core option??….Have we made Commonwealth bring pride to India or have we made Commonwealth the wealth exploited from common  people…..

Then …..I must Say SORRY…..!!!

Having made you read all this long…I want to admit I don’t know what’s happening in India…because I don’t know what has happened to me and why…So I remind you…on reading this you are not going to acquire the snapshot of India and its 63 years of Independence…But you may continue with your own fancy… 🙂

We had our Independence Day celebrations in Office…and it being India’s Premium Research organization… having the Minister for Science and Technology as its Vice President and Prime Minster as its President…we were expected to put up a great show…

Hot and humid as it was…I was getting confused whether I was nervous…or whether it was just everybody sweating profusely…as the ink from the papers I clung to… gradually began to fade away…

I had to compere the entire session… and sing … a solo and one in chorus…

It was just 40 mins that would suffice for all the show…as the Minister had to go…

So I began…the taste of Devnagri on my tongue and the melody of such pompous Hindi to my ears felt really great…I felt proud of myself… that I was doing all this …and that being presented to people  of such profile…

I would not say I did a commendable job…but yeah neither did the microphones….

But then filling in my eyes with the sight of a Minister who had graduated from Berkley …a highly Qualified Director General….. (all the while smiling at me)…and three top notch IAS officers…I said to myself…whether great..good or groggy..I would have to do it..because if I didn’t then nobody else would…. 🙂

And I held on…..

Well first time in the 11 months…we were presented with a Certificate of Appreciation by the Minister…He whispered in a fraction of a second…You are running the entire Show?!…GOOD!…you sang well too…”

I couldn’t even smile back….had to run for compering the next event !! 😀 😦

So came the end…and the numbers dwindled away…I stood there confused as everybody gave their share of opinion…on what it was and what else it could have been…

The very people that I work in close association with said…It was too long…it lacked vibrance …It was too sad… you didn’t look glad…it was melodious but a bit too tad!!

In short BAD!! 😦

I knew it wasn’t so…as a bunch of people complimented me on how gracefully I had done Lataji’s  ‘Aye Mere watan k logo’..it being such a difficult song…some were really impressed at the way I compered and the contents of my script….some said I looked confident …and so on… 🙂

Well can’t say I wasn’t disheartened with the way people could play such great critics without ever caring for the other person’s feelings…I simply stood there gulping each word in…

The saddest part was people who said so were all those whom I face each day of the 7 day working week we have here…who knew how I was dragged to the office at 9 and came back home all withered and spent at 8…with the humongous task of compering in Hindi…last night…

I programmed myself to shield my sensitive heart…and told it…if it wasn’t worth appreciating…it wasn’t fair criticizing too…So my stupid heart just stop being so sensitive!!

We were taken to snack at the India International Centre to while away time as my boss didn’t have the keys to go back home…we were there..

On a call from Daddy…my heart again ailing …he was really down with a burning temperature for the past few days..He had come to Delhi..stayed at my place..washed all my clothes…stuffed my mouth with bread and Jam…as I typed an email for office…

On 14th He had a flight to catch up at 11:45 back home…and I had a meeting to attend at 10…So I had to leave him home with a hasty bye…to attend that really important meeting…

With the Dosa a few more words of analysis of Today’s show fought their way into me…as I remembered my Daddy…as I remembered how hard I had struggled last night…writing the script in Hindi ( ofcoz with tremendous help from one of my colleagues over the phone)..till 2 into the night…..

Who knows what worth it was !!

Then I decided what worth it actually was…hurrying through the dosa…

He said coffee for five to the waiter…and I yelled “ No a TEA for me please!!”…

I never was this happy sipping onto tea before…

Since Sept 15, 2009…I had loved the Coffee…I had loved the dosa…idly …and Upma too…I had loved to claim “YES SIR!!” as my favourite words…I had loved to see my puffy eyes doing both the horse and donkey stuff late into the night…I had loved to console myself…”a sincere try never fails…my work would certainly speak for me one day…yeah some day he would certainly utter my name first when he had ultimately remembered it…yeah someday I would make all of them happy……”     HUH!

But then I had forgotten…touching my pillow each night I should have atleast made one person happy in the day…either them..or me and that one person was certainly never them…and that one person certainly wasn’t me either!!

So…I sipped on delightedly as I formulated and engraved onto my mind…the decision of a long fought battle…

The glass doors of the IIC…shut behind us…stepping onto the sun…I gaped madly at the laal Batti on  Sir’s vehicle…as if seeing it for the first time…I smiled a smile…a smile that swung me off and onto my dream… 😀 🙂

I said to God…will you give me that one??….although Red’s never been my favourite colour…And Pink is what I like most….. But I would love to have this one in red….!!!! 😛

I sighed..some things/people have their value recognized…only when we come to know we can never have them again… But then…… SO BE IT!!

Got down from the car..there was an assortment of kids…all sizes, shapes and colours available…trying hard to put up an Independence day show for the Apartment residents…

Parents were lined up in the scorching sun…

I had nothing to do…Nothing here in Delhi..No Friends..no family..no kids (ofcoz) 😛 !!

So I stayed back..clicking on the camera..absent mindedly…

I could see kids perform…their eyes searching for their maa on the stage…mothers more anxious than their performer kids…

I could see children running back to their parents…who would then proudly say..how great their performance was…how sweet her voice sounded..how smart he seemed while he danced….

Which if one fairly judged was partly true and partly not….But for parents there is never any partly ….they are just entirely..entirely for their kids.. 🙂

I was reminded of school…of my Mommy who would dress me so aptly for each and every performance that I did….how she would drop me anywhere and everywhere I wished for with her zooming black Kinetic Honda…how she would yell at Daddy who was too shy to tear the crowd and step to the front for clicking my pic while I performed….

I missed them madly…tears flowed down my cheek…I had been yelling at my Stupid heart for being so touchy feely since the morning….I had calmed it down too…But these memories just broke me down beyond repair…

Suddenly the job…the life here seemed meaningless…

I opened the keys into my flat…the past 11 months had made me forget myself…my family… as if I had locked myself up and thrown away the keys…

I had forgotten how I hate to be so lonely…How I should miss home more often…so that I don’t miss life… and How I should respect my likes and dislikes as much as I did so for others…

I had almost forgotten…”How much I had loved to be myself…before…Before I earned this fat salary…”

While at school…money never filled my pockets…but Individuality and self respect filled my soul…

Having struggled in Delhi alone for the past 11 months had given me an illusion of Independence…of freedom…But I had never realized what a poor miserable slave I had become..trying to please those who were not even my own…how I had curbed my freedom…  my dreams….for the sake of others…..Shame on me!

Now I have all that money and all that money can buy…But I just couldn’t buy the ability to dream…the pride in being myselffree…fragile yet fearless!!

This Independence Day…I will buy myself some freedom..Shop for some expensive dreams…. that when I keep in my wallet will not let me sleep for the fear of being lost….and I would hold them dear…

I would give myself some Independence to be the one I have always been . This Independence Day….I would make myself realize how Independent I actually should be!!

I laughed to myself…as I unlocked the door…I will unlock myself today too! 🙂

I promise Daddy…I would get that one for you…I hope you don’t mind red..as you have always been colour blind!!

I promise Mommy….I would never grossly deviate from the way you had manufactured me Fragile…yet Fearless!!… 😛

I promise myself….I would never ever love the Coffee again… 😛

Hey!! Happy Independence day to MEEEEE…!!



Will Somebody give me a Good Morning!!


Opening my eyes with the rising sun, vision searching for the Ganeshji poster on the wall…I pray to God to give me a Good Day…a 24 hours that are fresh and new.… specifically  a Good Morning…because a Good Morning heralds a good day…

A couple of ‘good mornings’ go over the phone….the numbers just rise and fall like a sine wave…But I just don’t want those words on the line…those voices over the Nokia 3600 I own …remind me ceaselessly “ You are precisely 36 hrs away from a place called home…”

The rest of the things fall in place mechanically until 8:45 am…as if I have been programmed and hard wired to do so…  I get into the bus stuffing my ears with the ear phones…and hush the voices inside me to a deafening silence….it’s unsafe having a wagging tongue these days…specially for me, I being a person who suffers from an ailment called Pressure of Speech 😛 !!

Perfectly posing a plastic curve on my chapped lips…and faking a twinkle in my eyes, confident that my glasses would keep the dark circles from the spotlight…  I try hard not to hear anything other than the music on my iPod … and neither the voices outside nor the voice within….both being equally disturbing for me….The lump in the throat keeps growing as I hear but cease to listen…and as I cease to listen, I cease to open my mouth….

Passing by trees, buildings, stray dogs, millions of vehicles, trillions of people doing zillions of stuff…something I struggle to pass by is Myself…

Then comes that India Gate…I’m not going to tell you why…but yes I don’t want to go around it twice a day….

With all those…and much more…the Head Quarters gate comes pretty soon….ready to gulp me down for the day…A nervous attempt at crossing the road turns successful… as I flounder my way to those Great Glass doors….

These days they hit my nose badly… every day these days… I push my glasses over my nose and wish myself a Good Morning….

I don’t know what his name was…I don’t know where & why he had to leave….I don’t know since when I had acquired such a liking for him….and I don’t know why I miss him too…

All I know is…he will never know …because nobody knows him, nobody would tell him and he would never read this…

O No! You don’t need to span your imaginations wild….He was just a person…a person who took care that those great Glass doors didn’t hit my nose….

I sometimes wondered…how could someone look so warm and hearty in the worn out uniform of a security guard…

I dedicate a whole 10 mins to my mirror, struggling to disentangle my curly hair…and all I have is a mess rather than grace, warmth or that hearty look…!!!?? Utterly Unfair!!

A booming Good morning would warm my ears…and that lump in the throat would instantly melt away with a …”Good Morning Bhaiya….Kaise hain aap?”…Instant exchange of innocent grins…a peek or two at the missing lunch packets and for sure the following frowns at our fast fading flesh…would all go by in just 30 seconds…

30 seconds…a good enough time for replacing that plastic smile by a silly grin…for clearing the lump in the throat and making way for my verbose version again….

Hmmm…The Great Glass doors would then be flung wide open and I would enter regally without hitting my nose on it….carrying that grin with me…. along with that Good morning….

Over the day…the number of questions we were put through by him, were directly proportional to the in and outs we made…they would usually range somewhere between “Khaana khaya ya nahi???….” at the lunch break…to “Kahaan jaa rahe ho itni dhoop mein….??” And then a “ Byeeeee Bhaiya” at the end of the day…

That was all….

We came to know one day…he was about to leave…the contract with office had concluded…It’s hard to say that I felt even a tinge of sadness…just that I and my friend thought we would gift bhaiya with something…he was one of those few people who would give a smile without the thought of having something in return….he would be happy if we did so ….

But we never knew why Lajpat Nagar seemed miles away…and his last day in office had already passed long back….silent and unnoticed…

It’s been months now… and there’s this new person at the Glass doors…He’s just perfect in every way a Security Guard could be….he has a good discretion of Designations and Seniority, gives the grandest of the salutes to the most senior of the bosses…the only thing is he knows it too much and he uses his discretion….

You can’t spot a crease or curve on his pompous uniform…but neither can you spot a curve on his face…

Millions of people walk in and out of our lives…touching our lives in million little ways…but while we go on….those little things seem too miniscule to be worth noticing…. Sometimes those million people go away… never even knowing they were something to us…and never even letting us know we were something to them….

And we go on…just the same filling our lives with all those things that are “worth noticing, worth considering, worth rejoicing”…But with all the delight we have for having those…why do the voids still gape??….the voids for those million little things…those trivial things…never worth noticing before…..

God!! You are too good at Mathematics!! How can you really work out so many permutation combinations that each entity in this world is so inimitable…so irreplaceable… that they can create a void in our perfectly filled lives…as they walk out…??!!….I’m baffled….

It’s so unfair that we can always look back…but can never go back…..

And today..just like every other day of my life…..I look back…being unable to go back and claim all those significant things worth noticing….worth bringing back to fill in the voids…

You have gone …and here…I don’t carry the Good Morning with me any more…I guess you always declared that for me… I took it from you prima facie and kept it within throughout the day…you gave me a Good Morning…and I made it a good day….

Today I have to find something good about the morning…before considering it so…I don’t know why…but I can’t declare it for myself… and I do find myself longing for that declaration…

Today as I walk on…rubbing my nose on the stairs to the 1st floor….I think I remember you….No I actually miss you…and I miss those Good Mornings…

I wish I could have them back….

Will Somebody give me a Good Morning??!!!

O Stranger! How can I say Thank you!


..Dont know where it all started…but before I could realise..it was too late…I had already been attacked by..what I called “Crossophobia“…traffic panciked me…the very thought of crossing a busy road kept me at home on bright spring days…

You may term it as.. lack of confidence… I may not agree with you, but neither can I shoo it away completely ….Never for anything else in my life, have I felt …what I feel on seeing a road zooming with traffic…

Cars honking madly at each other..make me a lunatic ..The traffic signals, indications of the Traffic police have always gone over my head tangentially… I can swear by God…that Traffic signs for me are as apprehensible as Rocket Science..!! :D….

So Delhi…one of the most thronged cities of India…had always been on the top of my phobia list…

I had heard people say..”God puts you before what you most fear ..so that you will emerge courageous…stronger and  …victorious…”

And perhaps..for God ..I was no exception…

After drenching myself in the Mysore rains…I had to come to Delhi to gather dust…Cant say how and when…just as it was happening..I feel I have changed a lot..  Sure..it was to happen..the dust on the Delhi streets has settled over the rain drops clinging to my body from Mysore…and they have given me the smell of the dry earth being sprinkled with rain drops…. a colour of the golden mud…While some may call the smell and the sight..DIVINE…for others it can be just another repulsive sight…

So the cold war began… The Traffic… the Crowd would never stop for me…So.. why do I stop for them…??? I would wage a war..a Cold war…

And Sure enough …cold it was for me ..

With every sight of a road to be crossed..I got cold feet…and with every step I took while crossing it..I was drenched in cold sweat…cold were my heart beats and cold was I……Even after having crossed the road…the thought of having done so…. made me shiver from disbelief..for another fifteen minutes..cold blood rushing through my veins  and making me numb…..(or rather Dumb!! 😛 )….So cold it was for me…that it left me..frozen to death…

But then there were people…some people around me…well Colleagues at firstno rather friends… Perhaps much more than that….probably..One my Breath and the other my Beats… No …in Short..THE Rolly and THE Ahmad for me…

We had stuck by each other in the hardest of times…and put up cat fights in the most trifle of matters…I guess that describes all… 🙂

I clung to their palms…mine all sweaty…and theirs perhaps a Solace to me…                                                                                                            She would drag me safely and sometimes get reprimanded for that….and he would gently take me by my arm..never forgetting the basic difference that existed between him and me… 🙂

But it was a shortcoming …and I was unable to bear it..With each passing day…                                                                                                           An indistinct indifference irked me each moment of the day…I could hold their hands..while crossing my life…but I just didn’t want to hold them while I crossed the road… 🙂

I wanted a confident chuckle to burst from my cheeks with every cross-road in life …and I wanted to do it all alone…

So that I could stand up in front of the mirror and say…”Yes Pamela…You can do it”…and See my reflection wave back to me and say..”I trust you..”

Days went by …I stopped counting them as weeks rolled over…then there had to be months….and then there were the seasons…

I had dried up my tears in the dry autumn..that brought me to Delhi…I froze my emotions and crystallized myself into a cold stone..with the chilling winter….thinking that my fears would never spill out from my cold surface…

fortunately or unfortunately… I was wrong…

But then..after every winter comes a Spring…melting the ice crystals all over…I found myself changing again..hope to despair and now despair to hope….The hope this time was sweeter…perhaps the water from the melting ice is always better than the one which has never experienced seasons..

So…one day ..the Spring Bloomed a lovely afternoon in my life…

Rolly, Ahmad and I set out to the nearby Rail-Bhawan to fetch some tit-bits at the lunch break. It was the same story…I was the cheese in the Sandwich while tip-toeing through that busy road….

But the story wasn’t exactly the same…

Something changed…. and it changed Something forever…

On the way back…I received my Mummy’s call…and with the “Hello”..there also burst a giggle…an innocent and abrupt..grin across my face…and a loud….”WOOOOOOOOOOOW……Kete saara Pigeons… ” we had just intruded the chowraha..where hundreds of pigeons were flying hanky-panky….!!! Strange Sight…!!…and then…something even stranger…

A lean little girl ..Ummm not so little…probably just like me..clung tight to my arm…just as we were about to cross the road…Rolly and Ahmad were taken aback..and I stood there completely flummoxed…

Before I could ask ..a few quick words..”WhO…WhAt and WhY Me?”… She uttered something magical… which I was hearing for the very first time in my life…” I want to cross the road…and I can’t ..Please ..take me there…I ..ummmm…actually …..umm please…..”

Then ….did I think twice…?? Strangely No!!!…I mean I said …”YES!!! …ya sure…” and that..with such grace….as if I had been doing that …ever since I had learnt to walk..!! 😛

As if suddenly all wisdom struck me…As if I was not I , me not me….. Suddenly the sounds didn’t matter and the crowd faded away..the honking…it just seemed distant..everything vanished…all I could then see was the other end of the road..where she wanted to go…

I pressed her hands in mine…for the first time I wasn’t embarrassed by my wet palms….and the sweat in her palms..seemed like a coolant to me… :)..

we kept walking…oblivious of the noise, the traffic, the jostling crowd….the pigeons…The Rolly …The Ahmad…

I asked her …”how many years..in Delhi..”…She mumbled..6 years..and you?”..

I was proud to say..I have persisted.. 6 long months….since Sept 14…

then again..she asked..”which way are you going??”…..I returned….“which way are you going??”…

That was it…I went past my office …and walked with her…to the other side of the lane…

Something which I had never done before… all alone..not even for myself…

Then there was no losing time…I hicupped the last question…rather my last words…with her..”WHY ME?? !!?!”…

the reply makes me ponder even today…”You were happy to see those Pigeons…”..

She jumped over into the bus..there was no waving…there was no good-bye…not even a Thank You..

There was no time to ask her name…and there was no time to think..and determine what I got back …

There was just..No time to realise..I had one more road to cross alone…

Ahmad had come over ..to make me cross again…

But I couldn’t notice him…I think I crossed the lane..by myself..

Rolly and Ahmad..were chortling with laughter…saying…”Pammi should get a Bravery Award for the feat…One who doesn’t know how to cross herself…sets out guiding others… :P”..!!!

But then it hardly mattered…I knew what I’d got..

I was at the crossroad of my life…not knowing which step to take and how big my step should be…and whether to take the right or that which was left… I didn’t know..it myself…

And she was a Stranger…How did she know..what I was to do???..I’m perplexed…” How did she know that getting across the Central Secretariat Crossing …would make me get across the Crossroad I was standing at in life…??

I   don’t promise …I will begin to like the Delhi crowd…the mad traffic….                                                                                                                            I don’t promise ….I wouldn’t be scared to cross the road alone..ever again…                                                                                                            I  don’t promise I would gracefully walk across and never panic….

But I certainly do promise…I will wipe my sweaty palms on my T-shirt…won’t be embarrassed that I panic….Look   at the Bhagwanji’s wallpaper on my cellphone…smile to myself and say….”Yes..you have done  it before …and you can do it now…you can trust YOURSELF Pammi…Go on…”

I cannot muster up words to mumble…What I have got from YOU…

Neither will YOU ever know….that…

“You have given me …ME…the me that I had always longed for…

Lucky that you didn’t say a Thank you…because I don’t know how am I to pay back…what you have given me….You have gifted me your confidence and You have gifted me mine too dear…

Just tell me….Tell me please…

O Stranger….how can I ever say …THANK YOU….

hmm atlast...I did it..