Tag Archives: missing family

खाली घर में नींद क्यों नहीं आती है ?


घर भर में इतना शोर है।
कभी किचन से कुकर की सीटी ,
तो कभी डैडी के न्यूज़ का ज़ोर है।

कभी बेवक़्त के डिलीवरी बॉय की घंटी ,
तो कभी मम्मी से मिलने बगल वाली आंटी।
कभी मेरी शैतान छोटी के नख़रे –
नींद को मेरी जो बिखरे।

इक मोटी सी नॉवेल हाथ में लिए,
आँख मेरी जो मूंदती हूँ ,
इन ड्रामेबाज़ों के रहते ,
फ़ालतू ही दोपहर की नींद ढूंढ़ती हूँ।

आँखें बंद हो जाती , पर साँस की फ़रमाइश नहीं।
“साथ में ये नई वाली ख़ाना खज़ाने की एपिसोड देखेंगे।
देखते देखते संडे की दोपहर , ससुरजी के दो मेहमान आ टपकेंगे।

थक हार के बीच रात, आँखें नींद से मजबूर  हैं।
पर हस्बैंड ये कम्बख़त करवट लेता भरपूर है।
आधी रात तक मोबाइल पर लगा रहता है।
उसके रौशनी से परेशान, मेरा रूह जगा रहता है।

हे भगवान ! बस देदो मुझे एक सर्दी की रात !
यही रजाई , यही तकिये।
बस कोई न हो साथ !

निशब्द हो घर और
में सुकून से सोऊँ।
खोई नींद के लिए,
रोज़ रोज़ न रोऊँ !

ठंड की कई रात मिली,
या मिले कहो कई साल।
मगर मिला नहीं बस नींद मेरा ,
अब भी हूँ बेहाल !

मेरी करवट कुछ ज़्यादा ही शोर मचाती है।
घडी की सुइयों की दौड़ सुनाई देती है।
बाथरूम का खुला नल , रात भर ढोल बजाता है…
छिपकलियों की गुफ़्तगू मेरी नींद को सताता है।

बीच रात तक फ़ोन पर , वीडियो कॉल अब करती हूँ।
बिन बातें किये कहीं सो न जाऊँ , इस से काफ़ी डरती  हूँ।

कोई चिंता तो नहीं है। कोई ग़म भी नहीं।
कोई शोर भी नहीं है। कोई शोर मचाने वाले भी नहीं।
पर जाने क्यों भगवान् ,
नींद भी नहीं ??!

निशब्द अँधेरा कमरा , प्यारी सी रजाई ,
बढ़िया सा बिस्तर मेरा , पर जाने क्यों नींद न आयी !

महीने में कुछ दिन अब शोर वाले आकर चले जाते हैं।
करवटें , टीवी , ख़र्राटे , कुकर की सीटी साथ लाते हैं …

फ़ालतू के हँसी की ठहाकों से परेशान ,
मैं तकिये के नीचे सिर दबोचती हूँ ,
फ़िर अगले सुबह हीं  काफ़ी देर से जगती  …
बच्चों जैसी नींद मैं सोती हूँ।

शोर वाले जब चले जाते हैं ,
निशब्द अँधेरा कमरा , प्यारी सी रजाई छोड़ जाते हैं।
पर नींद भी उनके साथ ही चली जाती है …
कोई मुझे ये समझाए , ” खाली घर में नींद क्यों नहीं आती है ?”


Will Somebody give me a Good Morning!!

Opening my eyes with the rising sun, vision searching for the Ganeshji poster on the wall…I pray to God to give me a Good Day…a 24 hours that are fresh and new.… specifically  a Good Morning…because a Good Morning heralds a good day…

A couple of ‘good mornings’ go over the phone….the numbers just rise and fall like a sine wave…But I just don’t want those words on the line…those voices over the Nokia 3600 I own …remind me ceaselessly “ You are precisely 36 hrs away from a place called home…”

The rest of the things fall in place mechanically until 8:45 am…as if I have been programmed and hard wired to do so…  I get into the bus stuffing my ears with the ear phones…and hush the voices inside me to a deafening silence….it’s unsafe having a wagging tongue these days…specially for me, I being a person who suffers from an ailment called Pressure of Speech 😛 !!

Perfectly posing a plastic curve on my chapped lips…and faking a twinkle in my eyes, confident that my glasses would keep the dark circles from the spotlight…  I try hard not to hear anything other than the music on my iPod … and neither the voices outside nor the voice within….both being equally disturbing for me….The lump in the throat keeps growing as I hear but cease to listen…and as I cease to listen, I cease to open my mouth….

Passing by trees, buildings, stray dogs, millions of vehicles, trillions of people doing zillions of stuff…something I struggle to pass by is Myself…

Then comes that India Gate…I’m not going to tell you why…but yes I don’t want to go around it twice a day….

With all those…and much more…the Head Quarters gate comes pretty soon….ready to gulp me down for the day…A nervous attempt at crossing the road turns successful… as I flounder my way to those Great Glass doors….

These days they hit my nose badly… every day these days… I push my glasses over my nose and wish myself a Good Morning….

I don’t know what his name was…I don’t know where & why he had to leave….I don’t know since when I had acquired such a liking for him….and I don’t know why I miss him too…

All I know is…he will never know …because nobody knows him, nobody would tell him and he would never read this…

O No! You don’t need to span your imaginations wild….He was just a person…a person who took care that those great Glass doors didn’t hit my nose….

I sometimes wondered…how could someone look so warm and hearty in the worn out uniform of a security guard…

I dedicate a whole 10 mins to my mirror, struggling to disentangle my curly hair…and all I have is a mess rather than grace, warmth or that hearty look…!!!?? Utterly Unfair!!

A booming Good morning would warm my ears…and that lump in the throat would instantly melt away with a …”Good Morning Bhaiya….Kaise hain aap?”…Instant exchange of innocent grins…a peek or two at the missing lunch packets and for sure the following frowns at our fast fading flesh…would all go by in just 30 seconds…

30 seconds…a good enough time for replacing that plastic smile by a silly grin…for clearing the lump in the throat and making way for my verbose version again….

Hmmm…The Great Glass doors would then be flung wide open and I would enter regally without hitting my nose on it….carrying that grin with me…. along with that Good morning….

Over the day…the number of questions we were put through by him, were directly proportional to the in and outs we made…they would usually range somewhere between “Khaana khaya ya nahi???….” at the lunch break…to “Kahaan jaa rahe ho itni dhoop mein….??” And then a “ Byeeeee Bhaiya” at the end of the day…

That was all….

We came to know one day…he was about to leave…the contract with office had concluded…It’s hard to say that I felt even a tinge of sadness…just that I and my friend thought we would gift bhaiya with something…he was one of those few people who would give a smile without the thought of having something in return….he would be happy if we did so ….

But we never knew why Lajpat Nagar seemed miles away…and his last day in office had already passed long back….silent and unnoticed…

It’s been months now… and there’s this new person at the Glass doors…He’s just perfect in every way a Security Guard could be….he has a good discretion of Designations and Seniority, gives the grandest of the salutes to the most senior of the bosses…the only thing is he knows it too much and he uses his discretion….

You can’t spot a crease or curve on his pompous uniform…but neither can you spot a curve on his face…

Millions of people walk in and out of our lives…touching our lives in million little ways…but while we go on….those little things seem too miniscule to be worth noticing…. Sometimes those million people go away… never even knowing they were something to us…and never even letting us know we were something to them….

And we go on…just the same filling our lives with all those things that are “worth noticing, worth considering, worth rejoicing”…But with all the delight we have for having those…why do the voids still gape??….the voids for those million little things…those trivial things…never worth noticing before…..

God!! You are too good at Mathematics!! How can you really work out so many permutation combinations that each entity in this world is so inimitable…so irreplaceable… that they can create a void in our perfectly filled lives…as they walk out…??!!….I’m baffled….

It’s so unfair that we can always look back…but can never go back…..

And today..just like every other day of my life…..I look back…being unable to go back and claim all those significant things worth noticing….worth bringing back to fill in the voids…

You have gone …and here…I don’t carry the Good Morning with me any more…I guess you always declared that for me… I took it from you prima facie and kept it within throughout the day…you gave me a Good Morning…and I made it a good day….

Today I have to find something good about the morning…before considering it so…I don’t know why…but I can’t declare it for myself… and I do find myself longing for that declaration…

Today as I walk on…rubbing my nose on the stairs to the 1st floor….I think I remember you….No I actually miss you…and I miss those Good Mornings…

I wish I could have them back….

Will Somebody give me a Good Morning??!!!