Tag Archives: tears

Nights of nothingness…


I cannot hear.
There are tears.
On the pillow.
Inside my ear-phones.

The same songs play again and again.
They are Korean and I don’t understand them.
So I choose to hear them now.

Inside my head like a typhoon, Thoughts rush.
Fears grip me, tears gush.

I thought I was Hollow. Empty.
But the tears had filled me all this while.

I stuff my pillow into my mouth and Scream.
My body aches.
The soul weeps.

tears_on_my_pillow

The ceiling fan goes on.
And I stop.

I wish I hadn’t spoken up all that I said.
You thought I talk too much.
I wish I had spoken up just once for myself and told you how it hurts.
You thought I was being cruelly silent.

Today,
I want to sleep.
Tomorrow,
I want to wake up from a sleep.

I want to sweat my eye brows.
I don’t want to wet my eyes.

I want to work hard like a maniac.
I want to pray on bended knees.
I want to possess peace.
I want to smile on the way.
I want to cry on the victory stump.
I want to Believe.

But when faith shatters.
It hurts. It pains.
Everything real seems sinfully surreal.

I want to be different from who I have been.
I want to be indifferent to all that I have known-
Past, People, Pain.

I jump from the feigned sleep.
Tears on my pillow, in my hair,
in my ears, in my fears.
In my throat,
I choke.

I switch on the lights.
I gaze at the mirror.

Black rings encircling my eyes.
Somber, Silent , Scared eyes.

I shoo away my ghost,
I row my hair slowly like a river.
The waves seem soft.
while the world has hardened.

I put on the glasses over the tears.
but they haven’t helped me see through truth.

Forgive! My heart says!
Forgive yourself. Forgive them.

I grab the Lord’s picture on my table.
I cry.
I pray.
I bathe him with my tears.

I pick up my pen,
The words don’t flow.
There is silence in the ink

I write-
One more day of doing nothing.
One more day of being nothing.”

images

I promise not to promise again…


I promise not to promise again.
because promises have thrown me into prisons of pain.
Tears hanging onto my eyelids.
I don’t know
whether to hold on or let them go.

Too many lines strewn across my forehead,
from too many stories you said.
Too many questions remain unanswered.
Too many feelings seek to make their voices heard.

I make a clarion call
and try not answering them all.
Because some answers that I found
have given me wounds so profound.

I can neither scream nor seep into silence.
Acting as if in oblivion,
I pretend to go on.

The sound of the train and drops of rain
weave a melancholy melody.
My heart skips a beat
as I decide to retreat.
A step forward and two behind,
in this tortuous path I try to find.

Tunnel after tunnels pass.
Light after darkness and darkness after light.
But this night inside me,
stays on in my fight.

Raindrops on the glass panes,
empty fields and empty lanes…
Remind me of the kingdom I once ruled.
Until I realised how I was be-fooled.

Beneath the bridges the rivers flow.
Mountains come and valleys go.
As I sit back and ignore
the answers I already know…

How true it is indeed…

Being born blind is easier
than closing your eyes,
Because it is hard to know the truth
and yet live on with lies…